


Legacy (a Black Version Nuzlocke)

by embep



Series: Legacy [1]
Category: Pocket Monsters: Black & White | Pokemon Black and White Versions
Genre: Nuzlocke Challenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-20
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 08:15:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 85,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4557339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embep/pseuds/embep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Nuzlocke with a crazy hippie MC. I'm sure it's been done before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Thane's mother stroked his cheek with a calloused finger and smiled. "You'll do fine," she said, and Thane nodded. Her eyes welled up with tears. For a while she was silent and only stared at her son, but as she noticed a woman walking their way, she stepped toward him and tried to smooth his wild hair.

"You remember what I said, don't you?" she whispered, locking eyes with him. She continued despite another nod from him. "Don't say anything. Don't do anything. Nothing. Do you understand?"

"Yes," he said, unblinking.

"If something happens, she's not going to let you have one, and you're not going to be able to leave, do you understand that?"

"I understand."

His mother sighed, hesitated, and gave him a tight hug. "I love you," she said. "Just try to act normal, at least until you're in the next city. _Please_."

Thane nodded for a third time and stood with his arms locked at his sides, rigid in his mother's embrace. She barely noticed, and only released him as the woman, Professor Juniper, approached. 

"You're Thane, correct?" 

"Hello, Professor Juniper, right?" Thane's mom stepped forward to shake her hand. "I'm Marie, Thane's mom. We're so excited for the opportunity you're giving my son. I don't know how to thank you."

The Professor frowned. "I don't recall saying that I'd agreed yet. I take it you're Thane?" She turned to the boy, who opened his mouth as if about to speak, and then looked at his mother.

"Well, say hello!" she said with a fake laugh. "Honestly, he's always been so shy."

"Yes," he said. Professor Juniper waited for him to say more, but he didn't. She cleared her throat.

"I've read your case file, and honestly I can see why my associates wouldn't agree to lend you a Pokemon, let alone a Pokedex. I'm not convinced it's a good idea, myself." She sighed, and the aroma of old coffee radiated from her breath. Although her eyes were sharp, an obvious lack of sleep left the skin underneath them doughy.

"Of course, of course." Thane's mom took a step towards her son, setting a hand on his shoulder. "But you should know that there isn't a day he doesn't regret what he did. He was very young and emotionally unstable when he did it; his father had just died, you see..."

"I know," the Professor said. "But that doesn't change the fact that he killed a total of twenty-three Pokemon before he was caught."

"He was only six! He still didn't really know what he was doing or what death meant-"

"But like you said, that was a long time ago, and I've always held the belief that people and Pokemon alike are capable of change. Evolution aside, I've personally witnessed it happen on numerous occasions, and I'd like to think that this time won't be any different. However..." She looked towards Thane. Thane returned the professor's gaze evenly, and for a while none of them said anything.

"H-however...?" Thane's mom asked, the corners of her stiff smile twitching.

Juniper's lips drew a thin frown, and she took her time before continuing. "However, if at any point during your journey, you do something to make me regret my decision, I'll personally make sure that it ends there. As a professor, I don't technically have the jurisdiction to take away a trainer's Pokemon once it's theirs, but I'm willing to accept the responsibilities and consequences tied to giving you a Pokemon. I hope you understand what I'm saying."

She paused for his response. Her eyes smoldered, and when Thane's mom elbowed him, he fidgeted.

"Yes," he said. "I understand."

"As a world-renowned professor, I have connections that you couldn't even dream of. I don't know how Elm deals with problems in Johto, but I'll have you know that in Unova, we don't just sit on our asses. If I hear something I don't like, you'll be out of commission within twenty-four hours. Got it?"

Thane nodded.

The tension in the professor's jaw eased. "If you understand, then follow me, and I'll introduce you to your first Pokemon." As her eyes softened, the bags under them became even more pronounced. "I do have faith in you. I believe that people change, and that you have changed... I'm sure that you and your Pokemon will become good friends in no time, but I'm not going to let myself be taken advantage of."

The professor hesitated, and then turned to lead them back to her lab. Thane's mom gave him a pat on the back. "Good job," she whispered. "I knew you could do it."


	2. Beginning pt. 1

Professor Juniper's lab, from the outside, didn't look much like a lab at all. Some two dozen window panes and a red tiled roof gave the building a homey feel that may have been intentional, given how residential the rest of Nuvema town was. The inside of the laboratory was similarly lacking in the flash and mechanical grandeur Thane was accustomed to in the other regions. There was exactly one room dedicated to research, and the rest of the building seemed to be a fairly normal house. From where he was standing, he could see an uninteresting-looking dining area, and the stairs to the second floor were carpeted.

The Professor in question walked across the room to her right desk, where three Pokedex and Pokeballs were waiting.

"You're lucky," she said. "There are two other people scheduled to receive a Pokemon and a Pokedex today, but they have yet to show up, so you get first pick. In Unova, you get the choice of either a Tepig, Snivy, or Oshawott to begin your journey with. Are you familiar with any of them?"

Thane shook his head.

"I thought so." She brushed her bangs away from her face and attempted to tuck the hair behind her ear. "Come over here and I'll show them to you." When Thane was at her side, she continued. 

"This is Tepig, known as the fire pig Pokemon." She picked up a ball and released the Pokemon within it. "As you can imagine, he's the fire type." As if to exemplify her point, the Tepig puffed out his chest and snorted a meatball-sized blaze from his snout.

"They're generally good-natured, but as they're fire types, they can become a handful when too excited. They share this with the water Pokemon, Oshawott. Although they do have less overall destructive power than Tepig, Oshawott are much more impulsive, and due to their naivety, they can get both themselves and their trainers into trouble if left unmonitored."

Juniper let the Oshawott out, and it bounced a couple of times and said its name before assuming a confident pose, paws on its hips and feet spread wide apart. Juniper smiled and said, "Oshawott tend to be very animated, and I only recommend them to trainers with a lot of energy who think they can keep up. Our last Pokemon, Snivy, is the grass type of the bunch." As she released the Snivy, it scanned the room, an unimpressed frown glued to its face.

"As you can see, they aren't nearly as excitable as Tepig or Oshawott, but they can be just as much of a handful. For what they lack in stamina, they make up for in intelligence, and while the other two often find themselves in trouble, Snivy is unique in that it seeks trouble out. They're prouder and much more independent, and thus can prove more difficult to train despite their intelligence. This particular Snivy doesn't seem to be quite as mischievous as others I've seen, but he'll still need a fair amount of patience to train-"

"I want Snivy."

"A-are..." Juniper looked to Thane, who had turned his wide-eyed attention to her. "Are you sure? A lot of rookies think they're ready for a Snivy, when really something like a Tepig would be a better choice."

"I want the Snivy," he said, unwavering.

The Professor chose to buy herself time before responding. She had all three Pokemon return to their respective Pokeballs and placed them all back on the desk in a careful line. She paused.

"Is there any way I could get you to reconsider? There's a boy coming today who's had his eye on this Snivy for a while, and frankly I don't think you're capable of training him."

"No. I want the Snivy."

Sighing, Juniper turned to lean against the edge of the desk, and she folded her arms loosely in front of her. "Okay, let me put it this way. I don't want you to have the Snivy. What are you going to say to change my mind?"

"You said I could have first pick, and I pick the Snivy," he said, eyebrows furrowing. It seemed like plenty enough reason to him.

She barked a single laugh and allowed herself a smile. "So I did. But now I'm telling you to give me a good reason to let you have him. I'm not so irresponsible that I would just give a Snivy to anyone who asked. All I know about you is what I've read, and what I've read isn't very encouraging. So if you want a Snivy, you're going to have to try harder than that."

Thane's mother was unable to stay quiet for any longer, her prolonged silence building momentum until the words rapidly burst from her mouth. "Thane's actually very responsible and patient; why if you could just see the detail in some of the paintings he does I'm sure you would-"

"With all due respect, I'm not talking to you, Marie." Juniper didn't give her time to continue talking. "I'd like to hear what your son has to say."

For a moment, her mouth hung open, and then she clamped it shut. When she opened it again, she spoke to Thane. "Well, you heard her. Why do you want the Snivy so badly?" She wiped away a bit of sweat that had begun gathering atop her upper lip.

Thane glanced between the two of them, placed his hands in his pants pockets briefly, and then moved them to his jacket pockets. Evidently still unsatisfied, he moved them back to his pants pockets and hooked his thumbs over the seams, his shoulders hunched. He avoided eye contact with either woman in the room as he thought, gaze wandering aimlessly past chrome machinery and blinking lights back to the edge of that plain dining room, hardwood floor freshly waxed and glistening.

"I think the Snivy would be more fun," he said. "I like a challenge, and I..." He hesitated. "I think we could become fr-riends." He took in a deep breath and forced himself to look back at the Professor. She was still leaning against the desk, still crossing her arms, and her expression still very much unreadable. 

"Wait here. I'll be back in a second," she said before proceeding to walk into the dining area. Distantly, Thane heard the chime of glass colliding with glass followed by the gentle trickle of liquid. The sound of something sizzling on a hot surface caught his ears, and after a minute of silence, the professor returned. There was no cup in her hand, but she brought back with her an even more potent coffee aroma. Thane's mother walked up behind him and put her hands on his shoulders, and then jumped as the professor slapped one of her hands down on the desk.

"Being a strong woman in a male-dominated field, I've been called a lot of things, and usually they aren't very kind. It isn't often that anyone calls me too nice or too generous." She sighed and shook her head, but when she opened her eyes, the tiniest of smirks had found its way to her face. "But, honestly, I'm just too nice. Take the Snivy."

As he processed the information, Thane's face fell into a smile for the first time.

"On one condition."

Thane didn't hesitate before nodding.

"If you're ever having trouble training him, I want you to come straight to me, got it? It should go without saying that if I think you're treating him poorly, I'll have to give you an easier-to-manage Pokemon, but for the time being, he's yours to raise. I hope you weren't lying when you said you liked a challenge."

"Got it. If I have trouble, I can go to you."

"That's right," Juniper said. "First and foremost, as a Pokemon Professor with the privilege and responsibility of handing out Pokemon to young trainers, I'm here to help anyone who needs it, no matter who they are or what they've done. In Unova, I'm probably your best ally right now."

"Thank you," Thane said, nodding. "Thank you."

Professor Juniper took the Pokeball off of the table and held it out for him. "Now, enough serious talk. You're adventure's just about to begin; a new chapter in your life. To provide assistance against new Pokemon, and to assist me in my research, I'll be giving you a Pokedex. I want you to try and fill in all of the pages. See all the Pokemon you can, and catch as many as you're able to.

"Ultimately, this is your journey, though, and I want you to be able to experience it in the way you want. You'll be meeting people and Pokemon with so many different quirks and personalities, I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for, whatever that might be. Despite what anyone, myself included, may say, your greatest goal in all of this is just to make a greater person out of yourself. I don't think there's a better way to do it than to experience victory and hardship with a team of trusted Pokemon."

"I agree," Thane's mom said. "And really, thank you so-"

The three of them were startled when the door shot open, and a girl with blonde hair and a green hat stampeded in, followed closely by a boy with black hair and glasses. The girl dashed across the room to examine the Pokeballs on the desk, while the boy began carefully wiping his shoes off on the welcome mat. 

"Bianca, you can't just barge in, you have to knock first!" he said.

"Why?" the girl asked. "I thought you said Professor Juniper said we could come get our Pokemon today."

"When entering someone else's house, you always have to..." He trailed off as his eyes met the three standing in the lab, all staring at him.

"Sorry we're late," he said, his voice almost sheepish after losing the edge it had when talking to the girl. "You know how Bianca is..."

"Thane, these are the two I mentioned earlier. They're going to be starting their Pokemon journey today, too. The girl's name is Bianca." She motioned to the girl, who smiled and gave a curtsey. "The boy is Cheren."

Cheren's back straightened as the Professor introduced him, and he walked to Thane, offering out his hand. "It's nice to meet you," he said. Thane hesitated before shaking Cheren's hand, but wasn't sure what to say, so he said nothing. 

"Aren't they both Thane's age?" Thane's mom asked.

Juniper appeared confused. "Is that a problem?"

"Oh, no!" His mom's robotic grin plastered itself once again to her face. "I was just expecting them to be a little, you know..."

"In Johto, Thane might be considered a late bloomer, but in Unova, sixteen's the customary age to begin a journey."

"Whoa, you're from Johto?" Bianca looked up from where she'd been bent over the remaining two Pokeballs. "What's it like there? Is Ecruteak really as pretty as everyone says?" Juniper cleared her throat, and Bianca, startled, apologized meekly.

"In any case, I was just finishing up everything I had to say to Thane. I expect I don't have to teach you how to catch Pokemon or how to use a Pokecenter?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, th-they..." Thane stumbled over his words as his mother's eyes widened and she shook her head.

"I was taught," he said.

Juniper nodded. "Then, if you don't mind, I'll let you go now, so I don't have to keep these two waiting. Take these." From the pocket of her jacket she pulled out five Pokeballs and handed them to Thane, in addition to one of the Pokedex that had been lying on the desk behind her. As Thane's fingers wrapped around the Pokedex's cool, bright red plastic, she held on tight, though.

"I want you to promise me right now that you won't abuse any of the things I've given you today," she said.

"Promise." Thane refused to shrink under her gaze, but he did shift his weight uncomfortably.

She smiled, though, and released the Pokedex to him. "Then that's all I have to say to you for now. Oh, except for one thing." She held up one of her fingers. "You should consider naming your Pokemon if you really want to become friends with them. It can go a long way, believe me."

"I'll, um. I'll consider it," he said, stowing the Pokedex in his pocket and looking back at the three as his mom began to shepherd him out the door.

"Thank you so much," she said. "Words cannot express how much this means to the both of us, and we'll both make sure to keep in touch. He won't let you down! Really, thank you so much."

"Thank you," Thane said once they'd gotten to the door, and he allowed his mom to pull him outside. She walked him all the way to a sign announcing their arrival into Route 1 before she said anything more, and it took until they had stopped and she'd turned to look at him that he realized she was crying.

"My baby," she said. "My sweet baby boy. I'm going to miss you so much." 

"I don't think I'm going to miss you," he said, matter-of-fact.

"Oh, you think you're so funny, don't you?" She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "That's okay. I know you will. So, I bought this as a present for you. If you ever get too lonely, just use it to call me, okay?"

She opened her purse and rummaged around until she found a box a little smaller than a fist, wrapped in crisp blue paper and adorned with a green ribbon. Thane stared at it.

"Now, I know how you feel about wrapping paper, but I can't help myself. A gift just doesn't feel like a gift without it."

"What is it?"

Thane's mother smiled and held it out for him. "You have to open it!"

He frowned at the inconvenience and took the gift, reaching in his pocket to pull out a switchblade. His mother became rigid as she watched him flip it open, and her face paled when he used it to cut through the ribbon.

"You're carrying that around?"

"My doctor said that since I haven't harmed myself or any-"

"I know what he said," she snapped. "I just... Wonder if it's really appropriate for you to take it with you."

Thane tore the wrapping off of the box, not so much as looking up at his mother. "Dad gave it to me and I want it."

"Thane, I don't think you're listening to what I'm trying to say."

"I don't care," he said. "My doctor said it was okay." He opened the box to find what looked like a digital watch.

"What is this?"

His mother took longer than he would have liked to respond. "Oh, that's the Xtransceiver. It's like a cell phone. I've put my number in it already, so if you ever need anything, just give me a call. If anything happens-"

"I know," he said.

"I mean it. If anything happens at all." She paused, hesitated, and then repeated herself once more. " _Anything_."

"Nothing will happen."

He could read the doubt on his mom's face before her expression was once again replaced by her stiff, fake smile. "I know, honey. I'm worried, but I know you'll do just fine."

Thane didn't respond. He looked down at the Xtransceiver and took it out of the box, but as he tried to figure out how to put it on, his mom took it in her hands and wrapped the band around his wrist. She buckled it tight enough that Thane could feel the leather pinching his skin. He didn't say anything.

"This is going to be it," she said. "This adventure will finally cure you. I can feel it."

Reaching into his pocket, Thane wrapped his hand around his Snivy's Pokeball. "Yes," he said. "I think so, too."

"When you come back to me, you're going to be normal again. I probably won't even know what to do at first." She swallowed several times, evidently fighting another round of tears. "But I'm going to miss you so much in the meantime."

Thane didn't shrink from her following embrace, and even halfheartedly wrapped an arm around her, because for the time being, he believed it, too.


	3. Beginning pt. 2

At four, Thane's father taught him how to catch Pokemon. He had no memories of it, but he knew that with the aid of his dad's Forretress, he successfully caught a Metapod at one point. He'd named it Awesome upon capture, but after realizing how little Metapod actually do, he renamed it Boring. His mother told him the story so many times that he couldn't even look at a Metapod anymore without feeling irritated. As he stared at the red-eyed rodent standing alert in front of him, he found himself unable to think of anything else.

The Pokedex in his hand told him that the Pokemon was called a Patrat. They must have been pretty plentiful in Unova if he was seeing one so soon. Professors handing out Pokemon to new trainers were required to have a location that would provide a starting point, and thus the Pokemon in the surrounding routes were always easy to domesticate. As trainers passed through, the strongest were weeded out and brought across the region, allowing them to breed and become plentiful wherever trainers were. It was a basic example of human-induced Pokemon dispersion. The Patrat stared at him, mouth slightly agape, arms held out to its sides, and Thane supposed he should try to catch it.

"They might not be as glamorous as some of the more exotic Pokemon you'll meet, but don't think you need to save your Pokeballs for later," a psychologist had once explained in one of his many remedial classes. "The earlier you make bonds, the longer the bonds have to strengthen. Besides, even if they look weak, usually they'll grow into something much more reliable. It makes for a pretty good metaphor when you think about it..."

He released his Snivy from his Pokeball, and the Pokemon stared at Thane with the same unimpressed frown as he had before. The Snivy flicked his tail and put his hands on his hips as Thane crouched down to his level.

"I'm Thane," he said. "From now on, I'm going to be your trainer." The Snivy's only response was to turn his head and stick his nose up. It was striking how natural the defiant pose looked on the Pokemon. It was _cute_ , Thane realized. 

"I want that Patrat, and I'm not allowed to fight Pokemon myself." The Snivy glanced at him, but didn't move other than that. Luckily, the Patrat just stood there, watching silently. It gave him time to think. 

"Unless I get another Pokemon, you're going to face the gyms alone," he said. "And unless I train you, you'll be doing it as you are now." He was told that Pokemon respond best to kindness, so he smiled for good measure. The Snivy's nose lowered, and he looked back to Thane, into his eyes. It seemed to him that the Pokemon was trying to size him up, so he continued. 

"You would lose."

The Snivy glared at him and said his name once, a long, pained sound, before turning to the Patrat. He would assent, but he wanted Thane to know that he wasn't happy about it. And as long as he was obeying orders, it didn't occur to Thane that he should care.

"Tackle it... But not too hard," he said. The Patrat looked weak, and he didn't want a nurse to report him for abuse so soon if he caught it. Perhaps out of spite, or maybe thinking the Patrat would try to dodge, the Snivy ignored him and rammed it at full speed. He skid to a halt and the Patrat flew back, letting out a shocked cry as it hit the ground. It was tougher than either of them anticipated, though, and it got back on its feet quickly enough to surprise Thane's Snivy with a tackle of its own.

Belly dirtied and teeth bared, the Snivy pushed himself up and prepared for another tackle. Thane appreciated the effort, but he recalled Pokemon before he could do anymore damage. The Patrat was already significantly weakened, and if his remedial classes had taught him anything, it was to catch Pokemon _before_ they started bleeding. Even if the other Pokemon could still fight, escaping from a Pokeball required the mental strength that weak Pokemon such as the Patrat in front of him generally lacked, or so they told him. 

So he took one of his Pokeballs out and he threw it at the Patrat. It collided with the Pokemon and bathed it in red light before swallowing it. The Pokeball shook three times and then let out a quiet chime to signal to the trainer the completion of the capture, but Thane waited to pick it up. He waited, knowing that that the happiness or satisfaction or relief that he was supposed to be feeling wouldn't come, but hoping it would nonetheless.

The only thing he felt was lingering frustration, and now, disappointment.

He took out his new Patrat, because the faster they became friends, the faster he would heal, and apparently the best way to speed up the process was by giving it a name. Unfortunately, even as he looked to his Pokedex to find its gender, he drew a blank. Was it really common practice for trainers to give each Pokemon their unique name? It just seemed like a hassle. But then again, if he ever happened to catch another Patrat, it would help to distinguish between the two in the midst of battle.

If he thought about it like that, names were easily justifiable. The only problem was that they just weren't efficient enough; if he had to pause and force himself to remember the Pokemon's name, it would only be detrimental.

Maybe, he thought with a sudden, brilliant feeling of clarity, it would be best if I just assigned them numbers. 

So Thane knelt down to set his hand on the Patrat's head, and although she flinched on contact, she moved closer to him once she was used to the touch. Her eyes, even red and bulging, were much gentler than the Snivy's. "You're my second Pokemon," he said. The Patrat looked up at him expectantly and made a clicking sound.

"That makes you number two. That's going to be your number." She pointed one of her ears back and tilted her head, saying the last syllable of her name as if it were a question. Thane remembered to smile.

"You can think of it as a nickname if you want. That's what I'm going to be calling you from now on." He reached into his pocket and wrapped his hand around Snivy's Pokeball. "Snivy's going to be number one, and the Pokemon after you will be three."

The Patrat, Two, looked away from him, both of her ears pointed straight back, but she didn't shy away from the hand still on her head. Her nose twitched and her eyes shifted as she thought, and when she looked back to Thane, she nodded. She said her name twice, placed her paws on top of Thane's hand, and gave him what he supposed was a weak smile. Thane wasn't sure what it meant, other than that it seemed like she understood what he was trying to say.

"Good." If the Patrat could understand, the Snivy undoubtedly would. It would probably be better to wait until he was more used to taking orders to say anything, so Thane withdrew his hand from his Pokemon and stood up, eyes wandering down the foot-worn path to Accumula town. It was all but a straight line, and Accumula town wasn't more than a mile away, but he couldn't see any signs of the town yet. He'd better get going before his mother, or the professor, or his former psychiatrist, or _someone_ changed their mind. 

"You can stay out," he told his Pokemon. "You need even more training than One does." The Patrat followed just a step behind him as he walked to the next town.

\---

Accumula Town wasn't much more impressive than Nuvema Town from what Thane could see. Even if it was more modern, which didn't necessarily make it better, it was equally as residential, and the only thing that really set the two cities apart was that Accumula had a Pokecenter. The distant clashing of an excited drummer could be heard, but Thane ignored it as easily as he ignored the crowd beginning to gather in the small, grassy field that he supposed made up the town park. Thane failed to see the necessity of a park considering the town's size and close proximity to two fairly tame routes, but he was sure his mother would have thought it nice.

The Pokecenter was similarly unspectacular. It followed a different uniform than the ones he was accustomed to in Johto due to a merger with the Pokemarts, but otherwise there was nothing to draw his attention. Thane would have been happy to be done with Accumula Town entirely, and was walking toward the exit when a person from his edge peripheral vision took a sudden turn to place himself directly in Thane's path. The distance between them was enough that Thane was able to change his trajectory before they collided, but as he did so, the person hurried right back into his way.

It was strange, he thought. Annoying, perhaps, but it didn't occur to him that the guy was trying to get his attention until he, apparently growing tired of their dance, called out, "Excuse me. May I have a moment?"

Thane didn't really see any reason to give him one, but to say so, he realized, would be rude, and he'd been told that most people weren't rude if they could help it. So he replied, "Sure," although in reality he wanted nothing more than to be in Route 2 right then.

The guy was about half a head taller than Thane, but couldn't have been more than a few years older. He was in that awkward age range that was somewhere between boy and man, and Thane supposed that might have been how he managed an expression that made him appear astute and naive at the same time. There was something about his eyes. The long hair that sprung from under his hat was a dull green, like the color of sun-bleached construction paper, and all but his bangs was tied behind him in what looked like an attempt to tame the untamable, an endeavor Thane personally understood very well. Hanging from his body were trinkets and accessories, flashy and odd-looking, and completely contrary to his otherwise plain clothing.

"You're a Pokemon trainer, right?" There was a gentle smile on his face, but something about it made Thane suddenly and inexplicably uncomfortable. 

"I am."

"I see." He paused briefly to think, and then said, "There will be a speech in the park soon. It should be informative. If you're a Pokemon trainer, I recommend you stay and listen."

"No thank you," Thane said. "I'm, um, in a hurry."

This seemed to surprise him, and his mouth flattened. He glanced to the Pokeballs at Thane's waist and his frown deepened. "It would be worth your time. The message is one that every Pokemon trainer needs to hear."

So Thane's compliance was thus forced. He couldn't risk not knowing something that everyone else did. It would draw attention to himself, and maybe, he thought, this was some kind of tradition for new trainers in Unova. He'd never heard of it, but if it was tradition, perhaps no one had thought to explain it to him in the way that Juniper hadn't said anything about the age of the other two trainers until she'd been asked. 

A crowd four bodies thick had already formed around the park, and Thane stood behind them, an unofficial fifth row composed of him and the guy who had led him. The focus of everyone's attention was a single man, perhaps the most strangely-dressed that he'd ever seen, surrounded by a group of seven people. Some of these people carried flags while others just stood, watching the crowd form with somber faces, and all of them wore stiff-looking grey uniforms that must have been modeled to resemble armor.

The man in the center, cloaked in a purple and gold mantle with a symmetrical but color-inverted eye-shaped pattern, cleared his throat. "I would like to talk to you about Pokemon liberation," he announced, and as if anticipating the crowd's reaction, waited with practiced patience for the murmuring to quiet.

"I'm sure most of you believe that we humans and Pokemon are partners that have come to live together because we want and need each other." His voice was heavy, and as he continued, increasingly patronizing. "However... Is that really the truth?"

When Thane looked around him, most people appeared either stunned or perplexed, and it gave him the distinct impression that he'd been wrong about this being some sort of tradition. It reminded him of the people who he would sometimes see at the entrance to Goldenrod, missionaries from Sinnoh, his mother told him. They stood there all day, reading words he'd never been able to comprehend from thick, flimsy books. Their Supreme Lord Arceus would soon return, they said, and He is angry. When He arrives, they said, fire will rain from the sky until the world is but a sea of flame, and the Time and Space He labored to create for no benefit but our own will be taken away. But it isn't too late, they said, for within this ocean of chaos will be but a single island, and that island is the Church of Arceus. Before the End of Space and the End of Time and the End of the World, they said, there is still time to save your Eternal Soul and secure yourself a place as one of Arceus's Faithful, who He keeps at his side in the same manner that you might hold a child.

This speech had sucked Thane in as a kid, and he'd nearly tripped when his mother gave him a sudden tug to hurry him along. "You don't need to pay any attention to that," she told him when she looked down at his face. "It's just a silly story. There won't be any fire and the world isn't about to just end." But despite that, when he'd found the forest blazing around him, he could only think, _Arceus is here. Arceus has come._

He suddenly felt cold. His throat tightened and it seemed like maybe he might be suffocating for a moment, but no, he realized, he was still breathing. Hardly a second had passed, and the man was still speaking.

"Have you ever considered that perhaps we humans..." he paused and closed his left eye, the only eye that Thane could see. The right, it seemed, was covered by a red lens, and wasn't translucent enough that he could see past it. As the man continued, his tone became harsher, and he made a point to look at everyone in the crowd with that one left eye. "Only assume that this is the truth?"

It was all very theatrical and interesting, Thane was sure, but he needed to leave. He needed to get out of the city with its cement and glass and permanent steel fixtures and go to somewhere that he could feel dirt soft under him and he would be surrounded by droves of trees with their forgiving, groaning silence. He needed the damp feeling of transpiring leaves against his skin, the oxygen-rich taste of the plants' breath on his tongue, before he could calm down. There was no metronome, no music, no synthetic, blank nothingness to sooth his mind and remind him that there was no fire. There were only people. So many people that it made him feel sick. 

"Pokemon are subject to the selfish commands of Trainers... They get pushed around when they are our 'partners' at work... Can anyone say with confidence that there is no truth in what I'm saying?"

In a far corner of his mind, he could still hear the speech, but Thane didn't care. Though the green-haired guy was still at his side, he decided to risk walking to Route 2. The terminal was close, less than a minute away, and it opened into the green of Route 2 like a hug. It wasn't quite a forest, but it was enough, and Thane took a deep breath, gasping as if he'd emerged from underwater. He curled at the base of a tree and just stared at the grass at his feet and breathed. 

A tiny hand was on him, pulling at his jacket, and his gaze was drawn up to where he saw a Patrat, brows drawn in concern. _Two_ , he realized, but her presence only brought with it irritation. 

"Why are you out? I don't remember giving you permission."

Her tail twitched and then sank, and she said her name a few times, as if she thought Thane could understand her explanation. She looked down, and then behind her as the sound of footsteps brought someone closer, and Thane could have sighed. He didn't need to look up to know that it was the guy who had insisted he watch the performance.

"She was worried," he said. The only thing Thane could think to do was ask him to leave, so he didn't respond.

"You didn't stay until the end."

"Sorry, I'm not, um. I'm not interested." That was what his mother always said to the missionaries when they approached her, so he assumed it would work in this situation as well.

There was a pause, and when Thane finally tilted his head to look up at the guy, he found it was likely not the right thing to say after all. It was unusual for him to be able to recognize a person's emotions at a glance, especially when they tried to hide them, but underneath the frown on the guy's face, Thane could feel a subtle, budding anger. He felt it like he might have felt the humidity change right before it began to rain.

"You have no interest in the thoughts and feelings of Pokemon?" he asked, and then took a deep breath. Thane supposed that, if he thought about it, he didn't care about those things, but he knew better than to say so.

"W-wait, I do," Thane said, but he was unconvincing, and the guy shook his head.

"It's so sad," he said. "It's just so sad."

During the following silence, Two inched towards the guy, and he knelt down to stroke her head. She moved to meet his hand, clicked twice, and then looked back at Thane. "Please give me her Pokeball, and the Snivy's as well."

Thane, back still pressed against the tree and knees still drawn to his chest, felt a sudden, swirling panic, and he could only think, _already_?

"You may call me N. In the name of Team Plasma, I am going to be liberating your Pokemon today. Please, just comply quietly; I would like this not to be traumatic."


	4. Beginning pt. 3

Less than a day into his journey and, although he'd been trying his best to be good, there was already someone trying to take his Pokemon away. It was more than a little demoralizing, but even if this N walking towards him gave him the distinct feeling of walls closing in on him, he had waited too long and worked too hard to get the Pokemon he now owned to just give them up to the first person who asked. Thane was on his feet now.

"Team Plasma?" he asked. The name was, of course, unfamiliar, but sounded unmistakably illicit. There wasn't a child in Johto that didn't know to stay away from anything beginning with 'Team.'

"You should have stayed to the end of the speech."

"What's your badge number?"

N's frown deepened. There was a spark of confusion in his eyes. "My what?"

"Confiscation of Pokemon is by law reserved exclusively for police and, in emergency situations or cases of severe cruelty, the official leaders of the Pokemon Gyms and League. Abuse of this power is punishable by law, including but not limited to the stripping of one's title and a mandatory minimum sentence of one thousand hours of community service." 

He spoke rapidly and received no response but a calculating stare.

"G-given the dearth of information surrounding the treatment of my Pokemon, it is reasonable to assume that you are neither a Gym Leader nor a League official. That means for this to be in any way lawful, you are with the police, but the fact remains that you have no evidence. I am aware of my rights and I would like your badge number." He paused. "Please."

"I am not with the police," N said at last.

But Thane had already known that; he was buying himself time to think. "Then I have no reason to cooperate." It was unlikely that he'd be allowed to just walk away, but he turned and attempted regardless.

The mechanical whoosh of a Pokemon being released from its Pokeball met his ears. He tensed his body, readying himself for an attack, but all the Purrloin did was prance in front of him, as if to block his path in the same way that N had back in Accumula Town. As if a single Purrloin was capable of blocking his path. Though its aerodynamic body indicated that it might have been quick on its feet, this was typical of Purrloin, and there was nothing that made it appear all that much more dangerous than those populating the surrounding route. Thane had killed stronger Pokemon when he was six. Which was irrelevant, he reminded himself, because unless in a Safari Zone, of which Unova had none, the only way to weaken a Pokemon was with another Pokemon. Thane was banned from Safari Zones, anyway.

"Please do not make this more difficult than it has to be," N said.

"What you're doing is illegal."

"I am in the right."

The response didn't really make sense to Thane, but he was preoccupied with trying to find a way out. A Pokemon battle? That was how trainers dealt with problems such as these, wasn't it? He backed away as he noticed N approaching him. It felt like his mind was racing, but the thoughts that came to his head were a disconnected blur and, it seemed, the only part of his brain aimed in the right direction was stubbornly stagnant. A jittery feeling punched Thane in the chest as N continued to close in on him. Two followed closely, hiding behind his legs with her head drooping toward the ground.

"Y-you're a criminal," he said. 

Maybe this had never occurred to N before, because he suddenly looked thoughtful, and then very sad. "My authority is higher than the law," he said, then hesitated. "But I hope history will not remember me as such."

"Two, take care of this Purrloin," Thane said, because he thought that maybe, _maybe_ if he defeated the Purrloin this N would leave him alone, but Two would not move. She glanced up at him, but when their eyes met, swiftly looked away.

"Two," he began, unable to completely silence the distress in his voice, but was interrupted.

"Your Pokemon are not going to listen to you anymore. Not this one or the Snivy you are reaching for."

And as completely implausible as it was, being that N had yet to even _see_ his Snivy, and hadn't even, Thane realized, any discernible way of knowing he had one, he believed it. He believed it to the core of his body as he looked at his cowering Patrat that if he were to bring One from his Pokeball, he would be just as disobedient. Whether or not defeating the Purrloin would even mean anything, because it was, after all, not the Purrloin that was making him so anxious, Thane didn't know, but suddenly having no Pokemon on his side was a definite disadvantage.

"You have just embarked," N said, "For you, having your Pokemon taken should not be so great a loss. Please hand over your Pokeballs. I do not want to use force, but I will if I need to."

"I can't," he found himself saying, not because he loved and cherished his Pokemon like he knew he was supposed to, but because he didn't. Because he wasn't normal yet. He wasn't _fixed_ yet. Because when he looked at the quivering bundle of fur behind N's legs he only felt irritated, and the closest he ever felt to happiness anymore was when he was deep, lost in a forest and littered with the sap and mud and little twigs tangled in his hair that hurt to get out so he would just leave them there, but even that wasn't happiness really. He knew this, because he could remember that there was a time when he was young and he could feel things like happiness just the same as everyone else, but what exactly that _meant_ he could no longer make sense of.

But knowledge that those days had been _better days_ had been so long imposed on him by his mother, psychological professionals, and even himself, that he would never be able to stop himself from longing for them. Happiness to Thane was like air, he explained, or a white wall. Just like wherever he looked, there was nothing, and no matter how much time he stared into the emptiness, nothing would come out. The other emotions, such as frustration or disappointment, he felt readily, and while he looked for the one that wasn't there, they would swoop in to fill the void, saying, _See? You can feel things after all_ , but they were never what Thane wanted.

Happiness was all but an abstract concept to Thane anymore, but he knew that he craved it, just as he knew that this journey was likely his last chance at it. He'd already tried everything else short of psychic manipulation, which, his doctor had explained, was just about as predictable as having a lobotomy. 

And this man, this boy, barely older than him, standing before him with the might of one single Purrloin, was trying to get in his way. It was like some cruel joke. What could he do? His Pokemon wouldn't listen to him, so what could he do but fight the two of them himself? Anyone could see that it was _self defense_.

But walls painstakingly constructed by psychiatrists jutted up, and uncertainty clawed at him. What if this N, criminal as he might be, went to the police with his Purrloin as evidence of cruelty? And if the police went to professor Juniper? And if the professor, knowing his record, decided he was guilty? So many 'ifs' that Thane's head reeled, and he remained stiff and motionless. 

"Just give up," N said, gently.

And then it was there: the One Single Thought that cleared every other away, because it was his One Option and his Only Way Out. Everything else fell away as he took out Two's Pokeball, recalled her back into it, and then just ran. N shouted, but Thane couldn't hear through his panic, and when a Purrloin leapt in front of him, Thane just kicked it out of his way without thinking and kept going. He ran and ran until his lungs told him he couldn't anymore and they forced him to stop, but by then he was already on pavement again, in a city unfamiliar with about a million apartment complexes and very little grass and a _Pokecenter_ he thought as his eyes locked onto the building.

Never in his life had he ever been so relieved to see something man-made, and he hobbled towards it even as his lungs gasped for sustenance and his knees threatened to give out. Because a Pokecenter meant safety. The nurses weren't allowed to give up Pokemon in their care without a warrant, so at least while they were being treated, no one would be able to force anything from him.

The nurse seemed surprised to see him, and she asked if he was okay, but he was just fine, he told her, and he practically forced the Pokeballs into her hand and just said _please_ and she nodded and said of course, no problem, just wait over there while I take care of them, and so he went and sat on the bench. His eyes closed and he was asleep as soon as his breath caught up to him, and he didn't wake when the nurse called his name.

She walked from behind the counter to search the lobby, then smiled when she found him, head drooped forward as he slept. With the strong but careful hands of someone who had spent her entire life caring for others, she eased the backpack off of him, then brought him down until he was laying on the bench, slowly lowering his head down so as to not wake him. 

"Poor thing," she whispered, and then hurried to get a pillow and blanket, because she knew it wouldn't be fun to travel with a stiff neck or a cold.

And while all this happened, Thane dreamed of a familiar voice. It laughed at him and said, _I told you this would happen._

You didn't, Thane said, but it just laughed louder.

 _I did_ , it said. _I told you nothing good would come out of those pills they wanted you to take._

But you never said anything about that N. My medication doesn't have anything to do with it.

 _That's where you're wrong, Isaac,_ it said.

My name's not Isaac.

_Isn't it, though?_

You know it's not.

_Well it might as well be._

Look, I know how you feel about the pills, but if I didn't take them, my doctor wouldn't have said I could have a Pokemon. Thane's voice sounded desperate.

_You're right. In that aspect, you did need them, and they did the job, but I'd say their usefulness has just about ended._

Thane was silent for a while, then said, The professor will come to take my Pokemon away.

_So what? Let the bitch come. All you have so far are a couple pieces of shit, but if you let me back in, we'll have them all evolved up in no time, and they won't even **think** about trying pulling one over on you like they did earlier. And that powerlessness you felt? You know, when that kid came at you with his hiccup of a Pokemon and all you could do was back away, saying, no, no, no, N, don't do it, just like when you were--_

**STOP**

_Okay, alright, I got it, I won't bring it up. You know I wouldn't say it unless I needed to._

I know, said Thane, but that didn't mean he liked it.

 _Well what I'm trying to say is that with all those fucked up chemicals they've got you on, there's nothing you can do when something like this happens. They screw up your mind, make it hard to think. Bet it felt like you were going crazy, didn't it?_ The voice laughed, but Thane didn't think it was very funny.

 _You know what we would have done?_ it asked.

And Thane did, because how could he not know, but he didn't say anything.

_We would have strangled that fucker until he was seeing stars and forced him to watch while we dismembered his shit-stain Pokemon piece by piece. You can imagine it, right?_

And Thane could.

 _Pokemon liberation_ , the voice was saccharine and mocking, and then it snorted. _What a load. We'd smash that Purrloin's head until it shut up, cause god knows it'd be making a racket, and then we'd tell him how fuckin stupid that sounded. Pokemon liberation my ass._

But wait, Thane said, although it pained him because the images of what could have happened were just so strong, and the feelings they brought him so sweet. Wait, if we had done that, then the police would be after us right now. They'd put us back in the hospital and we wouldn't get to leave again.

A sigh. _See, that's the medication talking. That's what's made you weak like this. You think I'm an idiot? Of course we'd cover up the evidence._

But--

_But nothing. They still haven't found half the shit we did, and we could barely wipe our own asses back then. Now that we're older and we've learned a thing or two about the law, there's not a chance they'd find out._

Thane wasn't completely convinced, but it could have been the medication that made him feel that way, he now realized.

_Thane, I think you're forgetting that I don't want to go back, either. What's bad for you is bad for us, and I want us to be happy just as much as you do. You really think you can be happy shoving those pills down your throat and forcing yourself to act like Isaac?_

He bristled.

_That's what I thought. See, I know you're not Isaac, but everyone else is trying to make you into him. That's what this whole thing is about. **Be the change you want to be**. Fuckin quack. He was right, though. You've gotta be who you want to be to be happy. And who do you want to be?_

Myself, Thane said.

And then the voice said, _Then act like it._

And the dream ended, just like that.

When Thane woke up, he thanked the nurse for her courtesy and claimed his Pokemon. She told him that if he needed to, he could stay for the night, as it was already getting pretty late. He said that was okay, though, he'd already been enough trouble, but she smiled and assured him that it'd been no trouble at all. So after thanking her one more time, he exited the Pokecenter and walked straight into Route 2. His skin crawled as he searched it for that N, and when he found no trace of him, he let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding in.

For the rest of the night and into the morning, Thane trained his Pokemon, and when at first they tried to disobey him, he'd sat down and reached out to place a hand on each of their heads. His mind was still foggy, but he could also feel the voice from his dream inside him, so he'd said, "Now, I'm going to tell you a story, okay? It's a story about a little boy and a Metapod. Do either of you know what a Metapod is?"

They looked at each other uncertainly, and it didn't seem that they did.

"That's okay if you don't," he said. "It's this funny green bug Pokemon. If you wait a while, they'll evolve into Butterfree. I don't know if you have anything like them over here, but they have big, round, red eyes kind of like Two and these feet too huge for their bodies, like a clown. They've got these pretty wings, all white and black, and they'll spend all of their time pollinating flowers if you let them. They're really great Pokemon; they're good for the environment, and they look nice enough that people like keeping them around as pets.

"But Metapod. Metapod are different. Metapod just sit around all day, waiting to evolve into Butterfree. Since they're just cocoons, they don't even have arms or legs to move around with. Now, this is where the little boy comes in. See, he'd caught himself a Metapod, but you know how little boys are." Thane paused. "Do you know how little boys are?"

Neither of his Pokemon moved. They waited for him to continue.

"Well, let me tell you, then. They're impatient, and something like a Metapod that can't even play with them would just be _so_ dull. So at first the boy would make it move, playing with it like it was a doll, but that wasn't any better than being alone, really. 'Oh, gee,' he'd say. 'I sure can't wait for my Metapod to evolve.' Now, he was still just a little boy and never used it in battles, so of course it never would, but he didn't know that. All it ever did was sit there and dream about the day it would fly around as a Butterfree, and eventually the boy, who had waited for _so long_ and been _so patient_ , started feeling angry.

"He'd ask the Metapod, 'Why won't you evolve already?' or 'Why don't you ever do anything?' but he could never understand the answers it tried to give him. The more he waited, the angrier he got, until he finally came to a decision. Do you know what he decided?"

Thane's hands were still on his Pokemon as they began to shift under his weight, and his smile didn't fade. He said, "One day, he decided that if the Metapod wasn't going to evolve into a Butterfree on its own, he'd help it along. But like I said, he didn't know anything about battling, so the only conclusion he could make was to pry its shell open. 'You won't do it yourself, so I'll do it for you,' he told the Metapod, but the shell was sturdier than he thought, and it seemed like it just kept on getting harder. You see, that's the only thing Metapod know how to do, Harden.

"Well, they're pretty good at making themselves tough, so no matter how many times the little boy threw it around, the shell just wouldn't break. He must have jumped on it and smashed it with rocks for hours, and not even a single crack. Eventually, the little boy came to realize what he was doing was wrong. 'Oh,' he said. 'I can't believe I did something so stupid!' And he gathered the Metapod in his arms and took it straight home. Then do you know what happened?"

Naturally, neither of them did, so Thane continued. 

"He went straight into the kitchen and got the biggest, sharpest knife he could fine. 'Boy,' he said. 'It sure was dumb of me not to think of this sooner!' And then he took that knife and wedged it between one of the tiny little creases in the Metapod's shell and pushed down with all of his strength until the room was just full of that Metapod's screeching. They're usually pretty quiet, you see, but this one was making such a commotion. 'I better hurry,' the little boy said, and he put his foot down on the Metapod and started twisting the knife in the opening he'd made until the shell stared breaking away in pieces. And you know what he found inside?"

He could feel One stiffen, and Two's jaw hung slack open, and although both stared at him, neither of their eyes seemed to urge him on as they had before. 

"It was just a bunch of goop! Just slime and a membrane with a bunch of veins in it attached this little fetus of a body, barely bigger the little boy's thumb. If you've ever cracked open a half-developed egg, it looked kind of like that, and the smell was just terrible! Can you believe it? After all that work! You can bet that the little boy was disappointed. And to top it off, it made an awful mess _all over_ the floor. It was all the boy could do to clean it up before his mom got home. 

"When he was done, he took that messy, broken, Metapod into the forest with a shovel, and he started digging, because he knew if his mom found out he'd get in all sorts of trouble. Luckily, the Metapod had quieted down by then, and it didn't even say a single thing when he laid it down at the bottom of the hole he dug and pushed the dirt over it. And you know what his mom said when she got home?"

He didn't pause for more than a second this time. "She said, 'Wow, Isaac, you cleaned the floor!' She never asked him about the Metapod, and do you know why that is?"

But his Pokemon were frozen. His smile widened.

"It's because nobody notices when a Pokemon disappears," he said. "Especially when they just stand around and do nothing like a dumb old Metapod. So I'm _really_ going to need you to listen to me when I tell you to do something, okay?"

Neither Pokemon made any effort to respond to him, so he stroked their heads like he'd seen that N do earlier and then stood up.

"I'll give you time to think about it," he said, and had them return to their Pokeballs. And despite the haze and the small part of him still saying that he was doing something wrong, he felt better than he had in a long time. Tension that he didn't know he'd been carrying rolled off of his shoulders in waves.

The voice from his dream faded from his mind, but Thane wasn't worried. It would be back soon.


	5. Beginning pt. 4

Gyms in Unova were a little bit different from those in Johto. As far as Thane could remember, in Johto, Gym exteriors were all of a single uniform, and only served as a location for trainers to challenge the Gym Leaders. So, being that the only non-residential buildings he could find in Striaton City were a school and a cafe, Thane had naturally assumed that there wasn't a Gym. It was only when he happened to overhear a conversation in the Pokemon Center regarding which of Striaton's Gym Leaders was the most dateable that he was informed otherwise.

One of the girls thought that Chili was just _so_ cute, but the others were torn between Cilan, the gentleman, and Cress, who was apparently 'too cool for words.'

The nurse, upon returning his Pokemon, was surprised when he asked if there was a Gym in town; he'd been training for a couple days, she'd presumed he was aiming to challenge it. He explained that he wasn't a Unova native and didn't know about the Gyms in the region, and she told him that the Gym was actually just to the right of the Pokemon Center. When he replied that he'd only seen a cafe, she actually laughed. It was inside the cafe, of course.

Of course.

It had occurred to him that the cafe was rather larger than it needed to be, but when he stepped inside he understood why. In the center of the building, between rows of circular tables, was the arena, an expanse of polished wood raised off of the ground like a stage. The surface was marred with fresh scratches and burns, and in the center making more was blonde-hair-and-hat from Professor Juniper's lab with her Oshawott. He didn't bother trying to remember her name. They were battling a Pokemon that was somewhat reminiscent of an Aipom, but was green, and had what looked like a bush atop its head. Judging from its cries, Thane gathered it was something called a Pansage.

A waitress sat him at a table, and as he looked over the menu, he held in a sigh. After looking over it once more, he set it back down and waited for the waitress to come by. It didn't take long, and before she could ask for his order, he said, "Do you have anything vegan and gluten-free?"

She paused to think. "We could make the lattes with soy..."

"Something not a beverage."

"Well, then..." She frowned and picked up a menu to scan through it. "We serve salads, but most of them have meat or wheat, don't they? If you want, I can go in the back and see what we can do."

Thane nodded. "Please."

Up on the stage, blonde-hair-and-hat was suffering. He didn't know how long the battle had been going on, but the Pansage carried an obvious advantage, and her Oshawott squealed as it was barraged with leaves. It was a bad match-up, grass versus water, but she didn't look ready to recall her Pokemon, and the Oshawott was equally energetic. Flurries of leaves followed it as it bounced around the stage, narrowly avoiding most, but not all. When it got close enough, it took the shell from its stomach and appeared to swipe it like a blade against the Pansage's side. It didn't look like it could have been a powerful attack, but the Pansage yelped as if it was, and it held a paw to its side when the Oshawott retreated back to the other edge of the platform. 

The waitress returned then, eyebrows drawn apologetically. "It looks like everything either has eggs or wheat in it, other than the salads."

"Salad is fine." He might have preferred something warmer or more filling for dinner, but Thane actually rather enjoyed salads.

"I'm really sorry about this. I'll talk to Cilan about getting more options for people like you." Her smile returned. "In the meantime, would you like more time to look over the menu?"

Thane shook his head. "Just whatever you recommend. Please."

"Well, they're all good, but if you're looking to order vegan _and_ gluten-free, let's see... I guess Cilan's Razor Leaf Salad would be the best. People order it without the feta all the time."

"That, then."

So she thanked him and left to relay his order to the kitchen. When he looked back up, he was just in time to see the Pansage drop to the ground, somehow defeated. The Oshawott stuck out its chest, smug, but its breath was ragged from the battle. Blond-hair-and-hat scuttled across the arena to scoop it up and give it congratulations, and Cilan applauded as he sauntered to the center of the stage. For a while, she just chatted emphatically with her Pokemon, but when she noticed him approaching, she became quieter and, too, and hurried to join him. 

Once the badge was in her hand, though, the excitement that exploded from her was so sudden and powerful that it seemed as if she must have been holding it in. She practically leapt onto Cilan when she hugged him, and her laughter rained through the gym in cascades. The Oshawott stuck between the two of them wriggled and voiced its discomfort, but in a second the girl was bounding once again across the stage, then through the restaurant, and right out the door without another word. To Thane's relief, she passed him by without as much as a glance.

Before too much longer, Thane's waitress was back with his salad, and he took the opportunity to ask, "Are all Gyms in Unova like this?"

"Like this?" She furrowed her brows for a moment. "Oh. No, most only have one Gym Leader."

That wasn't exactly the information that Thane was looking for, but he supposed it was good to know. "But are they all cafes?"

"Ah. No, that's unique to Striaton City, too. We like to give people a show. You're not from around here, are you?"

"No."

"Where are you from?"

"Johto."

Her mouth formed an 'oh.' "That would explain it. Gyms are a little different over there, aren't they? Or, maybe it's Unova where they're different." She laughed. "Well, in Unova, it's common for Gyms to have one or two different functions. Like, for example, um... There's the Nacrene City Gym. That one doubles as the city's museum and library. Of course, there _are_ Gyms like you have in Johto, too... I'm pretty sure the Castelia City Gym doesn't have any other function. If you're from a different region, it'd probably be best to check your map or ask a local whenever you enter a new city, though, just in--"

A shout interrupted them. From the stage where the battle with the next challenger had already begun, what appeared to be a misfired bullet seed flew straight to a man's meal. Pasta shot up into the air and sprayed red sauce all over the customer, who jumped up from the table and nearly tripped over his chair. The woman on the other side of the table, once her shock waned enough, began to laugh. Thane's waitress apologized to him quickly before rushing over to assist the couple. 

Thane turned his attention to the salad. Grossly overpriced as it was, he appreciated the work that had gone into the balance of flavors; there was just enough sweetness in the fruit to counteract the bitterness in the green vegetables without overpowering them. It was so good, in fact, that when he came the following night, he ordered the same thing.

That wasn't to say that he came back for the salad, but instead that he settled for it when the host informed him he wasn't going to be able to challenge the Gym that night. It was regrettable, he said, but all of the time slots had already been filled up. Apparently by the end of the lunch rush, they were usually booked full through the rest of the day. If he wanted to make a challenge, it would be best to come tomorrow morning, before lunch, to schedule it. Because he figured he might as well stick around to get a better feel for the gym, and he had to eat anyhow, he decided to have dinner at the cafe again.

When black-hair-and-glasses walked through the door, he'd nearly finished his meal. The boy's frown was just as serious as it had been before, and his eyes were set with a determination that his fingers, worrying over his jacket collar, seemed to contradict. What had his name been? Charon? The name sounded familiar, but incorrect. It was hard for Thane to remember things he didn't particularly care about.

Unlike blonde-hair-and-hat, Charon or whoever he was spotted him, and his face lit with recognition. Thane adopted his mother's robotic smile on instinct; it was best to be friendly in these sorts of situations. He was helpless to stop the corners of his mouth from sinking as Charon took it as an invitation and began walking toward him.

"Thane, right?" he said, and he looked down at the empty chair across from Thane as if considering taking a seat, but evidently decided against it, because he continued standing as Thane answered.

"Yes," he said, and in the silence that followed he scrambled to find something more to say. "We met in professor Juniper's lab." The way he said it was somewhere between a question and a statement, so Charon nodded. 

"I'm Cheren, if you've forgotten. Our introduction was short and it's a little different, so you, uh." He trailed off abruptly as his eyes wandered toward the stage, where a few burly men were hurrying to tidy up the floor for the next battle. He swallowed, and his smile faltered.

"Have you fought the Leaders yet?" he asked, voice casual but wavering.

Thane shook his head. "The schedule was full."

"Yeah, I came in around noon and this was the earliest slot they had available..."

Thane couldn't think of anything to say in response, so the conversation died until Cheren spoke up again.

"Have you checked out the trainer school?"

He hadn't.

"Since you haven't done your challenge yet, I'd recommend it. Obviously you can't attend any classes without tuition, but there are plenty of reference books, and the teachers are happy to answer questions. Even if you already have a strategy, it's helpful just to go over it with them..." Once again, he trailed off as he looked up to the stage, and then cleared his throat.

"A-anyway, I'm next. If I don't leave soon, they might give my spot to someone else."

As he walked away, Thane said, "Be careful," but the words felt wrong as they left his mouth. The brief look of puzzlement on Cheren's face as he glanced back confirmed he should have probably said something else. Cheren nodded and continued forward without comment, though, and after a battle that lasted longer than the boy's shaking knees seemed prepared for, he managed to secure himself a victory against Cress. 

He'd probably spent too much time in the school and not enough training, because his Tepig didn't stand a chance against Cress's Lilipup. Cheren sent out a Purrloin next, and even then, he only _barely_ managed to defeat the Lilipup. The thing was exhausted by the time Cress revealed his Panpour, which was another Aipom-like Pokemon, only blue and water-type. To the Purrloin's credit, it took quite a few more hits than Thane thought it capable before it was brought down, and Cheren sent out his last Pokemon, a Pansage.

Up until that point, Thane hadn't really been paying attention to the battle, but his back straightened as he saw it. There were wild Pansage in the area? He would have thought he'd come across one if there were; except for when he was healing his Pokemon or in the Gym, he spent _every minute_ in the surrounding routes, and he couldn't remember seeing a single one. He opened his Pokedex to check, just in case, but it informed him that he could only find them in forest areas. The closest one, Pinwheel Forest, was still a city away, and although it seemed that there were also Panpour and Pansear, Thane didn't think it was worth the trip.

The Pansage did the trick for Cheren, though; it managed to secure a victory against the Panpour, and to much cheering from the audience, Cheren was announced the winner. He nearly dropped his Pokeball as he recalled his Pokemon, his face pale and stunned. As Cress placed the badge into Cheren's hand, Thane took the opportunity to slip out of the cafe, hoping to avoid another conversation. He would, inevitably, end up saying something wrong again, and his time was better spent with his Pokemon, anyway.


	6. Beginning pt. 5

Thane didn't sleep well that night, but it was rare that he did, especially when coming off of his medication. Wiping away the cold beads of sweat collecting on his face had long since become part of a mindless morning routine he was only vaguely aware he had. Even so, every morning he pulled a wet comb through his hair, and with astonishing patience attempted to smooth out the rouge tufts, jutting out defiantly despite his efforts. The results were always unsatisfying. After that, he made himself breakfast, usually a tofu scramble or fruit with raw cashew butter, and then five minutes of deep breathing lead to fifty minutes of yoga, followed by another five minutes of deep breathing to wind down. He then washed his face, brushed his teeth, changed his clothes, washed dishes, and packed up his campsite: usually no more than a single sleeping bag. He combed his hair one more time, and depending on how badly it stuck out, he decided whether or not he should wear a hat that day.

That morning he was quick, so it only took around two hours to get through everything. When he arrived at the Gym, it was twenty to six, and thus, twenty minutes before the Gym opened. But if Thane was good at anything, it was waiting, so he stood in front of the building, hands crammed in his pockets, and waited. During such periods of inaction, his mind would sometimes escape into an image of a dark, lush forest, but that was usually reserved for when he needed to calm himself quickly.

Waiting tended to bring forth an overwhelmingly blank room, where the walls and floor and ceiling were of such bright, white uniformity that it was difficult to tell where one ended and the other began unless he strained his eyes. When he found himself in a place like that, there wasn't anything else to do but resign himself to waiting. Wide, white walls without windows. An intern who thought he was clever had once used those words to describe what was usually just referred to as _The Room_.

"It's like they're putting these kids in solitary confinement," he'd heard the intern say. "Pretty sick if you ask me." His voice never lost its jovial bounce, though, like it was a joke.

Wide, white walls without windows. For some reason, it stuck with him, and now even years later, he could hear it ringing in his ears sometimes while he waited. He'd never been sent into _The Room_ , but he imagined it wasn't that different from the room in his head.

His eyes glazed over and the minutes seemed to evaporate until time was nothing but a hazy, ambiguous concept. People passed and words were said, but Thane couldn't hear them; he was boxed in and they were someplace outside.

A hand was on his shoulder.

Instead of being startled, he was confused, because where could this hand on him possibly be coming from? He looked down at his shoulder and there it was, a human hand, retreating from him and back to the side of what he now realized was no longer a wall, but another person. He jumped, and only then did his heart begin to race. There were three of them, but only one stood in front of him, while the other two unlocked the cafe doors and rushed through them, bickering under their breath. They were, Thane realized, the Gym Leaders.

"I'm sorry," the one in front of him said. He was the grass-type Leader, and his entire sleek presentation seemed to advertise it. His hair was mint-colored and he smelled of fresh herbs. He had a strange name, Thane remembered, but it was slow in coming to him.

"I didn't mean to surprise you. Were you sleeping?"

Thane blinked several times as he became aware of how dry his eyes felt. He swallowed twice. "I guess so," he said.

The man, _Cilan_ , smiled at him. "I've never seen someone sleep so soundly with their eyes open, or while standing, for that matter!" Rather than sounding skeptical, he seemed genuinely amazed, so Thane just nodded.

"Sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who should be apologizing; were we not running so late, you might not have fallen asleep in the first place."

"Late?" Thane wondered briefly what time it was, then decided it didn't matter. The sun told him it was still well before noon. It didn't occur to him to check his Xtransceiver.

"Now I remember," Cilan's right fist came down on the cupped palm of his left hand with nearly soundless impact. "I thought you looked familiar; Cilan's Razor Leaf Salad, no feta, wasn't it? I haven't had the pleasure to serve you yet, but I'd never forget a customer." He paused. "But I suspect you're not here for breakfast."

Thane shook his head. "I'm--"

"Here to challenge the Gym, and with a Snivy, if I'm not mistaken?" 

"Um."

Cilan's face never lost its genial smile. He walked towards the entrance to the cafe and held the door open for Thane, and although his bow was polite, something about the stoop of his back and the way his arm was bent half-way to motion Thane in felt theatric. He stepped in the cafe and Cilan closed the door behind them, pacing in front of him to guide Thane through the virtually empty room and towards the stage. Chili was already standing in preparation, Pokeball glittering and red hair blazing under the spotlights.

"It gets pretty easy to recognize potential challengers, and we've already had two people your age come by with a Tepig and Oshawott. It stands to reason that you would complete the set, no?"

Thane couldn't think of a response, so he was quiet. He was led onto the stage, where Chili stuck out his hand, and after looking at it for a moment, Thane realized he was meant to shake it. 

"It seems like you've done your research, so I don't have to explain how the Gym works, right?" At a nod of Thane's head, Chili's grin widened. "Great. You get tired of saying the same thing over and over again, you know."

Thane was well aware.

"Let's get this started, then. I hope you're dressed for the weather, because today's gonna be a scorcher, courtesy of me!"

The fountain-haired Cress groaned quietly as he ducked into the kitchen, but he didn't apparently dampen Chili's mood as he walked toward the north end of the stage, closest to the wall. As he had seen the other challengers do, Thane moved to the south end. 

"Good luck," called Cilan, and Thane paused. Good luck. That's what he should have said to Cheren. It occurred to him to give thanks, but he didn't quite finish the thought before his mind had shifted to focus on the battle.

Chili's opening Pokemon, as was true of all three Leaders, was a Lillipup, so Thane sent One out to battle first.

"Use your vines," he said, "but keep them away from its teeth."

As Cilan called for the battle to commence, One attempted to obey, but his control over his vines was still sloppy and the Lillipup dodged efficiently. One barely managed to catch it by one of its front legs, and before he realized his mistake, the Lillipup bit down into the vine holding it. If it hurt, One was able to ignore it long enough to lift the Lillipup into the air and then throw it back down to the ground. The Lillipup yelped but, being a Gym Leader's Pokemon, was quick to get to its feet.

It then howled, but didn't attack otherwise, which gave One enough time to pick the Pokemon up, successfully avoiding its teeth this time, and slam it into the ground again. From the sidelines, Cilan winced, but the Lillipup only released a single whimper as it pushed itself back up. It then dashed across the room in a pattern erratic enough that it was able to avoid One's reaching, poorly-aimed lengths of vine. It crashed into One and pinned down his tiny, squirming body.

This time, when the Lillipup's teeth sunk into One, he let out a shrill, desperate cry, and it struck Thane as funny enough to solicit a quiet laugh. For a moment, he stared, and he wondered how badly the Lillipup would be allowed to hurt his Snivy before Chili called it off.

But the moment passed as he heard a suggestion come from a man who Thane hadn't noticed enter, already sitting with a menu in his hands: "Maybe you should send out the next one, I don't think that little guy can take it much longer." The thought was silly, though, so Thane proceeded. 

"One, use your vines," he said, needlessly, because before the words had finished forming in his mouth, One's vines wrapped firmly around the Lillipup's middle. One squeezed until the Lillipup released him with a startled bark, and once again, the Lillipup hit the floor with a resounding thud.

Chili's hands dove into his pockets and as he felt around, he said, "Lillipup, c'mere, bud." He let out a short breath as he pulled out a potion and knelt down to the Pokemon hobbling toward him.

"You almost got it," he said as he treated the Lillipup's abrasions, and as it became steadier on its feet, he placed a hand on its head and said, "All better. Now go out and finish it!"

And Thane just watched, because it occurred to him while all of this happened that Chili seemed neither embarrassed nor guilty. Of course, it was a fact that Gym Leaders were required to keep their Pokemon weak relative to the level of the wild Pokemon in the area and their distance from the leading professor's laboratory, but to have to heal a Pokemon while battling ones as weak as Thane's could only be embarrassing. If Chili used a potion for every trainer as strong as Thane that came by, which he didn't delude himself into thinking was few, his ecological footprint must have been massive. Being that he was, as a Gym Leader, a role model, and Thane was sure that the trainer school nearby had frequent visits to the Gym, it was irresponsible. The children, impressionable as children are, were no doubt forming the misconstrued idea that it was perfectly fine to use as many potions as they could afford whenever they wanted, because if _Gym Leaders_ didn't have to worry about the environment, _they_ certainly didn't have to, either.

Evidently this hadn't occurred to Chili, though, because he sent his Lillipup out once more as if it was nothing. Thane was slow to react as its teeth again found their way into One, this time ripping at his stomach. Luckily, even without his help, One's vines were out much faster this time, and when he tore the Lillipup off of himself, he threw it across the room and into the wall, where it slid down and laid motionless. Unconscious, perhaps with a broken bone, Thane thought, but since it had been entirely One's actions, he probably couldn't get blamed for it.

More worrying were One's wounds, red oozing against green, as he would have to be the one to explain them; when battling a Gym Leader, though, it must have been reasonable to expect that amount of damage at least. The nurse would have to understand. In any case, Thane doubted that he'd be able to get away with Pokemon both burnt and bleeding, so although he had been hoping One could spend some time weakening the Pansear that he knew would be coming out next, it now didn't seem like such a great idea.

Thus in One's place was Two, Thane's only other option. Truthfully, he'd trained her more than he had One; she was severely lacking from the beginning, and the Pansear was obviously superior to the Lillipup. It was clear both from the way Chili leapt in the air as he summoned it, and the way that Two tried to hold herself stiff and alert, even as her arms trembled. With the Gym open, people began trickling in, and a glance revealed that nearly half the tables had been filled already. Cilan was no longer watching the battle, but was instead waiting on the customers. 

Two just stood where she'd been summoned in the arena, all but her arms utterly petrified. Thane considered reminding her of the benefits of not acting like a Metapod, but he remembered Pokemon responded best to kindness, and without the voice, he didn't quite have the confidence to bring it up in front of a crowd, anyway. So, after a bit of thought, he decided that encouragement would probably be his best route, even if he wasn't entirely sure how to _give_ encouragement in the first place. 

"Um." He hesitated. "I-if you don't get hit, you won't lose."

Was that encouraging? Two's tail twitched, and as she glanced back at Thane, he forced a smile to his face. 

"Just go. Please. You can, um. Win."

She made a clicking sound and then said her name once. Thane didn't really know or care what it meant, but he was glad when she finally got down on all fours and charged at the Pansear, who had been waiting for them to finish. Very polite, but not a good way to win a battle.

The Pansear was caught off guard by the suddenness of the assault, so when Two bit into its leg, it was knocked off its feet. It wasn't until Chili called for an incinerate that Two was driven off, the smell of singed fur and fire spreading across the stage. As the scent met his nose, Thane shifted his weight and glanced towards the exit; he disliked fire Pokemon. He needed to finish the battle quickly.

The Pansear pushed itself up, but its leg was clearly in pain, and its lack of motion afterward meant that its mobility had probably diminished. Two could take advantage of that.

"Get closer, and don't take any more attacks," he said, and although Two responded as if she'd heard him, the first thing she did after she got the order was run head-first into a ball of fire. A cry could be heard echoing over the white noise of chatter filling the room, and Thane sighed, wrinkling his nose against the smell. His heart fluttered and he clenched his arms to his sides as tickles of panic washed over him.

If Two paused after being hit, it wasn't for more than a second. She emerged, smoking, and pinned the Pansear down, clamping her teeth onto its shoulder. It dislocated with a crunch, and the Pansear howled.

"G-get on its back; you're too open for an attack like that," Thane called, exasperated, because Two was apparently unable to learn from her mistakes. She looked up, and Thane gritted his teeth. The range was close enough that, if her mouth was open, the next attack might damage her lungs. If Two stopped breathing or started coughing up blood, the battle would probably be called to an end.

But the Pansear didn't attack, and Chili left his position on the other end of the stage. "No need for that," he said, "You smoked me! Pansear, you okay over there, buddy?"

The Pokemon made a groaning attempt at a response before it was recalled into its Pokeball, but Thane made no motion to do the same to Two, who rushed back to his side once she was sure the battle was over. Whether it was the way she stunk or the way she looked up at him, nervously shifting from one foot to the other, that annoyed him more, he wasn't sure, but he realized he was supposed to give her praise. 

"You won. Good job with the, um. Fire," he said, and then hurriedly brought her back into her Pokeball before walking forward to meet Chili, who was waiting for him in the middle of the stage.

"Congratulations on your victory! As the strongest of the three brothers, I'm happy to award you with the Trio Badge. You earned it." He placed the badge, much more oblong in shape than those in Johto, into Thane's hand and gave him a big smile. "You were on fire!"

Thane stared at the piece of metal, icy in the palm of his hand, polished and flawless, and he held his breath. Receiving his first badge should be a happy moment; he'd seen enough people receive theirs in the past two nights to know that with certainty, but still, for Thane there was nothing. The moment the badge touched his skin he was overcome with a feeling of total numb vacancy, and the more he pushed to find something within it, the more he came to realize there was truly nothing there. Frustration blossomed from his center and filled him until he could feel it behind his eyes and in the beds of his nails and the roots of his teeth, but people were watching, so he just exhaled slowly. He donned his mother's smile and thanked the Gym Leaders - all three of them, because they all came to congratulate him, as if winning had been some great deed. As if they didn't even care they'd lost, or that Chili had wasted a potion.

In the back of his head, Thane heard the ghost of a conversation, playing as if it were a soundtrack to a movie. _Hey, you do it yet?_ A second voice responded, _Uh, no, not yet. Look, you sure this is a good idea? I--_ The first voice interrupted, _We've been over this, dipshit. You ever seen the boss smile? Just do it._ Neither voice said anything, and then, perturbed, the first voice continued, _We got at least a hundred more where this one comes from. It doesn't mean shit if we fuck up one or two._ And then the second voice was quiet for a while longer, but eventually replied, _Yes, sir._ And then there was something other than silence, something maddening, like a ripping static that wasn't quite noise, and the voices and everything else disappeared into it until all he could hear was the sound of his heart roaring in his ears.

Thane's head pounded, and the rest of the day was a blur.


	7. Beginning pt. 6

At some point during the day he got his badge, within a period of time he could no longer remember, Thane managed to catch his third Pokemon - a male Purrloin, disappointingly average as he knew by then that most all Purrloins were. This discovery didn't come until the next day, when in the midst of trying to catch something his Pokedex told him was a Blitzle, he was shocked to find _three_ Pokeballs at his waist. Upon selecting the unfamiliar third, a Purrloin materialized, and the cheer they felt for each other must have been just about equal, if it's arched back and indignant hissing meant anything. 

The noise startled the Blitzle. Had it not taken off so abruptly that Thane's eyes were forced away from the baffling Purrloin, he probably wouldn't have noticed it leave. But Blitzle were flighty, and although certainly more interesting than Purrloin, they evidently were not all that much sharper. As his attention was called away from the Purrloin, he summoned One, and a vine tangled between the Blitzle's hind legs guaranteed its inability to escape.

And, thus, the Pokemon that Thane supposed would have to be named Four was caught.

Three the Purrloin and Four the Blitzle. Both were abysmal compared to One and Two; Four seemed capable of storing electricity in his body but no more than that. Before he caught anymore Pokemon, Thane supposed that he should change that. His team had doubled in size in what seemed like less than ten minutes, so four felt like a good number for the time being. In any case, the only other Pokemon he could see in the area were Pidove. Small bird Pokemon were known to evolve into much larger, capable creatures, but they were also known for starting out stupid, and Thane rather thought the Purrloin would be enough of a headache on its own.

It took him a night to get past Route 3, not including the day he got his badge, so as he stepped into Nacrene City, he figured it must have been somewhere just under a week since he'd left Nuvema Town. It felt to him like he'd been taking his time, but he must have been going pretty quickly if he'd gotten a badge and crossed three cities in less than a week. Then again, the two with the Tepig and Oshawott had already gotten their badges and moved on by the time he had his Gym battle, so maybe he was slow after all.

Whichever the case, he decided he didn't want to spend much time in Nacrene City. It was the largest of Unova's cities that he'd witnessed so far, and he preferred the aesthetics of the brick buildings to the primarily concrete structures in the other cities, but there was little to keep him occupied. There was a Gym, which he was unprepared for, a restaurant, a library, and a museum. There were warehouses where cargo was rapidly loaded and unloaded from the angry trains that smoked through the town at all hours, but they were locked when not in use, and guarded when they were. Thane didn't want much to do with them anyhow. He'd never liked trains. Pinwheel Forest, marked just past the city on his map, held much more interest to him, and it had little to do with the Pansage that apparently occupied it. 

He really hadn't been intending on catching anymore Pokemon until he happened upon one, right before the entrance to the forest, that made him think maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea. It was blue and humanoid, even dressed in what appeared to be karategi, and despite being distinctly short and wiry, it looked strong. Or, at the very least, it looked as if it could _become_ strong with less training than the other four Pokemon he held. In the Pokedex it was categorized under the name Sawk, but to Thane, it was Five. His desire to capture it was so strong that he decided the forest, not more than a few paces away, would have to wait.

The Blitzle was sent out first, but his shocks did little damage, and he was easily thrown around once the Sawk caught hold of him. He couldn't have lasted more than forty seconds. Because Two and Three were both useless against fighting types, he couldn't imagine that they would be much help, either. That left it again to One, who managed to use his vines to first keep the Sawk away, and then to tether it in place while Thane began the chore of trying to catch it. And it was a chore.

The fact that he had to go through four Pokeballs before the Sawk stopped struggling cemented in his mind the belief that the Pokemon was _different_. When the catch was finally secured, this led to a brief moment of satisfaction, but even then it was covered by an overarching blanket of numbness, and rising up high above both of those things was the disgust he felt for wasting so many Pokeballs. Because even if he picked them up and recycled them, was the Sawk really worth what the Pokeballs' transportation and retreatment would cost the environment?

In an attempt to distract himself from this, because there was really nothing he could do about it now that he'd gone and used the Pokeballs anyway, he forced his mind in other directions as he went about collecting the metal husks.

Pokemon-stimulated chemical synthesis, the Hoenn Sustainable Business Model, the practicality of poly-throw Pokeballs, and then inevitably Kurt.

It had been a long time since he'd thought about Kurt.

Back before everything had happened, when they'd all lived in Illex forest, Kurt often came to visit. Usually, he'd just stop by to collect whatever Apricorns they'd gathered or to tell Thane's parents of some news around town, but for whatever reason, there was only one memory of him that Thane could recall with any amount of detail. 

He'd been pretty young, so he couldn't remember most of what was said, but one day Kurt came over, red-faced, and asked to speak with his father. While Thane ate breakfast, or perhaps it was lunch, the two went into another room to talk. They shut the door behind them which meant he wasn't allowed to listen, so he tried to avoid eavesdropping, but when Kurt shouted it was hard not to hear.

"They look me straight in the eyes, acting all innocent and nice like _they don't know_ changing the capture mechanism screws up the whole damn thing!" His voice was muffled by a board of solid wood, but was mostly intelligible.

His mother's mouth became a thin frown and she ruffled Thane's hair. Back then, she hadn't cared as much about how it stuck up. "Don't pay attention to them. It's just boring, grown-up talk."

"Uncle Kurt sounds mad," he'd said, because that was what he'd called Kurt at the time. Uncle Kurt. 

"Well, I'll bet he is." She gave a long, drawn-out sigh and shook her head. "But it doesn't have anything to do with you. Hurry up and finish eating, or we'll be late."

Back in the room, Thane could hear the low sound of his father speaking, and a dialogue bounced between the two of them for a while, gradually quieting until their voices were lost to him entirely. Once he'd finished eating and was pulling on his boots, thick rubber and tough leather, the same brand that he still wore, Kurt and his father walked past him, Kurt's face a healthier color, but head drooping.

When they were almost outside, he looked up, though, a flash of hope caught in his eye. "You don’t suppose I could fight them about this, do you?"

And Thane's father paused, considered it, and then gave a somber shake of his head. "No, I don't suppose you could. Maybe you could try, and you might get some kind of compromise, but you've already signed the contract, Kurt."

Kurt's back became hunched at that, which was rare for him at the time. If he said anything afterwards, Thane couldn't remember.

This memory was always paired with another, which was much less of a memory in that he couldn't recall when or where it had happened, but he was certain that his father had at one point said, "Those assholes at Silph are going to get what's coming to them, just you wait and see," and his mother, although she didn't like him swearing, had concurred.

Thane picked up the Pokeball containing Five, and wondered briefly if Kurt still made Pokeballs. At one point, he'd evidently considered Thane for an apprenticeship, but now things were different, and he had been one of the loudest people in the town against Thane having a Pokemon. Reasonable, probably; the bodies of his Slowpoke had never been found, and Thane had never confessed to killing them, but as they'd disappeared right around the time he'd come back, it was a logical conclusion that he'd done it. Honestly, he might have, but it was hard to say. There had been a lot of Slowpoke around Azalea Town, and once you ripped them open, they really all started to look the same.

\---

Judging from the map, Pinwheel Forest was about the same size as Illex Forest, and it appeared to be similar in more than a few ways, but a wide path cleared down the center and white gates holding the trees back from reclaiming their lost territory made it look comparatively tame and dreary. It shouldn't have been surprising; he knew most forests had roads or paths hacked through the middle, but the sight was so crushing that it took several moments before the lump in his throat eased. He might even have left right then, but the rich smell of decomposing leaves and damp greenery beckoned him over the fence and past a row of trees, lined up so close together they might have been a wall. Once civilization was lost behind him and replaced with the twittering, humming chorus of life, he was glad he hadn't.

The further he went, the denser the trees got, until their leaves completely blotted out the sun and the area became all deep greens and dark browns. Where there were patches of grass, it came up past his ankle and half-way to his knees, and tiny, cloud-like Pokemon fluttered in and out of its shelter. The Pokemon were called Cottonee, apparently, and Thane thought they would likely make good pillows. He didn't use pillows, though, and didn't think it was a good idea to interfere with the delicate ecology of the forest, so he left them be, as he did the Venipede crawling over rotting logs and Sewaddle lining the tree trunks.

It seemed to Thane that it wouldn't be so bad to stay in the forest for a long time. Of course, he'd have to continue his journey eventually, but maybe it would be a good idea to take a break for around a month or more. Maybe professor Juniper would start to forget about him by then, and there would be a significantly lower chance of him happening into Cheren or that other one. His medication would be completely out of his system by then.

So for three uninterrupted days, he stayed alone in the forest, sometimes training his Pokemon, but usually relaxing and getting himself accustomed to Unova's unfamiliar flora.

When, on the fourth day, he walked into a clearing to find a man wearing the same grey costume he remembered seeing all the way back in Accumula Town, it was jarring. He had been out looking for things to make into his lunch when it happened. His face was pointed square at the ground as he searched for the telling three-leaf sprouts that indicated an edible root, so the first thing he saw were footprints, with a shape that proved them human but a jagged tread that signaled they weren't his. 

Taking a moment to puzzle over this, Thane knelt down to examine them. His father never got around to teaching him how to track, though, so he could only guess that they looked fresh. They moved west, to his right, so he turned his head and there the man was, stopped in front of what appeared to be the end of a trail. Thane had gone unnoticed until then, but their eyes met when the man turned around, clutching protectively a lumpy bag. Maybe he was slow, but it was only after the man's Patrat was standing between the two of them that Thane completely registered what was going on.

"A pursuer?" the man asked, but perhaps the sight of him, covered in a three-day-thick layer of mud and many other things, made him reconsider, because he let out a laugh shaky with thinly-veiled relief and shook his head.

"Get out of here if you know what's good for you, kid," he said, and gestured to his Patrat. It couldn't have been nearly as strong as Five, though, so Thane couldn't bring himself to feel threatened. Maybe it was that he didn't like being bossed around by someone who was clearly his inferior, or maybe he was just irritated at being interrupted in the midst of his vacation, but he decided, _why not teach this guy a lesson?_

So he sent out Five, and the Sawk crossed his arms, as if he were equally unimpressed by the Patrat in front of them. Admittedly, Thane had been neglecting his other Pokemon; they all just seemed so small in comparison. The Purrloin couldn't have seen more than a few battles. Thane knew he shouldn't play favorites, but he also didn't make any effort to avoid it.

"You got a screw loose, kid? Do you have any idea who-" he stopped himself short and sighed. "Ah, what the hell, I guess I've got some time to play with you. You're gonna regret this, though; Team Plasma plays for keeps."

And Thane frowned. Didn't that N say something about Team Plasma?

The man studied his face and said, "I guess you heard of us, then. So I'll give you one more chance. You leave _right now_ and I'll let you keep those Pokemon a little longer."

He was different from that N, though, and Thane couldn't feel his insides squirming when he heard the threat. He couldn't feel any walls coming in on him, and there weren't any dizzying, chaotic explosions of thought that made his mind race but also go so slow that it seemed like it was barely moving, even as the shards of fragmented ideas burst through his consciousness, and all while things kept _happening_ and _happening_ and _happening_ around him and there was nothing he could to but urge himself to think of _something_ to make it all just _stop._

No, as far as he could tell there was none of that, so Thane felt quite confident.

"Five," he said, and the Sawk looked back at him, apathetic. He had taken his naming far better than either the Blitzle or Purrloin had, and Thane realized that more than just the Pokemon's power, he liked the way he wordlessly accepted his orders. Although overcoming a challenge was always rewarding, it was also refreshing to train a Pokemon that wasn't one for a change.

"You get one kick."

Five gave a curt nod, but didn't move otherwise. He was rather slow, so instead of rushing forward, he preferred to wait for the opponent to come to him. A body as muscular as his meant he could take a hit and then counter it without flinching, but mostly he liked to use the other Pokemon's speed against them. He would move out of their way just before their attacks connected, then raise one of his powerful legs, and in a blink, the Pokemon would be yards away and continuing to shoot backwards. 

And that was just what Five did this time. One kick, Thane had said, and one kick was all it took for the man's Pokemon to crumple to the ground. After that, there was one more Patrat and then a Pokemon Thane had never seen before, small and black and tan with mean-looking teeth, but they both went down with just as much efficiency. The third Pokemon, Thane's Pokedex told him, was called a Sandile. Compared to a Sawk it was weak, but the teeth had Thane interested, and he thought it wouldn't be so bad to have one.

The man cursed looked up at him from where he knelt at the Sandile's side, angry at first, but then it softened to something else, and he said, "Fine, look, you win. I played your game, so will you just get lost? I'm expecting company and my boss isn't gonna be happy if he sees you hanging around."

"What's in the bag?" Thane asked.

The man stiffened, and he held it closer. "Nothing that brats need to worry about. You deaf? I said get out of here."

But he'd only succeeded in making Thane more curious. "No. I want the bag."

" _Look_ \--"

A voice that belonged to neither of them rose up over the trees. "I think I found someone!"

"Oh, shit." The man's body tensed, but when the person who emerged from the trees was a girl of Thane's age, he visually relaxed.

"Cheren, hurry up! He's here!" she said, and it was only once Cheren materialized after her, panting and disheveled and looking very much out of place in the middle of a forest, that he recognized her as blond-hair-and-hat.

"Wait, it could be dangerous," Cheren called after her, but with a voice more haggard than concerned.

She'd nearly reached Thane's side by then, though. "Whoa, and there's a homeless guy for some reason?! Oh... Wait. No, it's just that guy from the lab! Thorn?"

Cheren caught up and braced his hands on his knees as he attempted to catch his breath. "Thane," he corrected her, but the name had him frowning and looking Thane up and down. "What are you doing here? And," he paused, his nose wrinkling, "I hate to sound rude, but what are you _covered_ in?"

"What the hell is this, a daycare?" the man groaned, and suddenly the odor emanating from Thane seemed to matter less to Cheren. 

He took out a Pokeball. "Hand over the dragon skull. We've got you outnumbered, three to one."

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard it already from your friend over there." He motioned toward Thane.

Cheren gave Thane another one of his frowns, but wasn't deterred for long. "The skull," he insisted, holding his palm out.

"You'd better hand it over!" blond-hair-and-hat chirped. "He's pretty grumpy."

" _Bianca._ "

"See what I mean? You'd better do it!"

"Fine, you want the skull so bad, you can have it." The man tossed the lumpy bag to Cheren, who had to fumble to catch it. "A bunch of kids. The boss is going to kill me. Look, I already told your pal, but he's is gonna be here any minute, so you all better back the fuck off while you still can, because when he gets here, he's going to be angry as an Absol in the rain."

"I don't think I've heard that one before. Angry as an Absol, you say?" The man's face paled as yet another person came out of the forest, an adult this time, with a body so long and thin he looked like he'd been stretched out. His hair contrasted almost comically; a russet, gravity-defying bush of curls that extended nearly past his narrow shoulders. Despite this, he looked good in his flashy clothing, and the smirk spread across his face didn't seem ill-placed. His eyes, drawn with half-lidded buoyancy, looked intelligent. "I didn't know they had such an aversion to the rain. Or did you perhaps mean to say Archeops?"

"Well aren't you smart," the man said, his eyes trained on his blocked exit.

Cheren faced the newcomer. "Burgh?" 

"The bug Pokemon were getting all worked up, so I followed them here, and what do you know? I see you've found the skull already." His eyes lingered on Thane for a second longer than made him feel comfortable. "And a friend."

"He got here first, although I'm not sure how. I'll introduce you later."

"I'm looking forward to it. And who does the Sawk belong to?"

Thane had all but forgotten that it was still out, and he withdrew his Pokeball to recall it. "It's mine."

"You defeated him?" Bianca asked, and Thane nodded.

"It wasn't hard."

And coming from the same path as the other three had, a sixth person joined their group of five, walking over to the man in the odd uniform. He was older, with grey hair and a cascade of wrinkles, and although he was beginning to walk with a wobble, when he spoke, he did so with authority. He didn't raise his voice, but instead the forest around them quieted, and all attention was converged to him as soon as the first syllable left his lips.

"I see you have run into trouble, fellow subject of our king."

The man's face was caught somewhere between relief and panic. " _Gorm_. The skull was..."

He dismissed it with a shake of his head. "It is not important. We can afford to abandon the Dragon Skull. According to the results of our research, this is not the legendary Pokemon for which Team Plasma is looking. It is completely unrelated."

"I hate to interrupt, but I believe I heard your name was Gorm?" Burgh asked.

"That is correct. I am Gorm, one of the Seven Sages of Team Plasma."

He looked as if he had more to say, but at that moment, a _seventh_ person emerged, a woman with a body that seemed exponentially more mighty than Burgh's, despite the plain button-up shirt and jeans clearly designed for comfort. Her stride was confident, feet spread wide, and it was surprising to Thane how someone with such distinctly dark hair, skin, and eyes could be so _bright_ and _luminous_ even in the middle of such a poorly-lit forest. When she placed herself at Burgh's side, she folded her arms in front of her, and her voice boomed in the quiet left by Gorm's.

"Now I see why there wasn't anyone on my side. Is this guy the big boss?"

"You just missed his introduction," Burgh said. "He's Gorm, one of Team Plasma's Seven Sages… Know anything about them?"

"Not more than you, I'm sure."

"I'll fill you in later."

Gorm cleared his throat and the two were silent. "Although we have conceded the Dragon Skull to you, I would like to make it clear that Team Plasma does not tolerate people disrupting our plans. I can see that the odds are against us, so we shall retreat quietly this time, but if any of you choose to get in our way again, don't expect us to be so lenient, even if you are Gym Leaders."

Thane startled as Gorm eyed Burgh and the new woman. _One of them was a Gym Leader?_

"To you, the Bug Pokemon user Burgh and the Normal Pokemon user Lenora, I say: Know your enemies, know yourself, and you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. In any case, we'll settle this someday. I hope you are looking forward to that time as much as I."

Lenora opened her mouth to reply, but before she had an opportunity, Gorm and the other man were enveloped in a flash of light. When Thane's eyes managed to readjust to the forest, the spot where the two stood was empty.


	8. Beginning pt. 7

The lumpy bag, as it would turn out, was home to the skull of a dragon Pokemon, stolen from a display in the Nacrene City Museum. Thane couldn't think of a reason why anyone would want or need something like that, so his interest in the bag died just as quickly as his curiosity did. He didn't blink as it was passed over to the woman, Lenora, and would have been very happy to just get back to his vacation, but almost as soon as the situation had defused, all attention was pointed toward him. Burgh began, mouth eased into a smile, but eyes still calculating.

"So, I think some sort of introduction is in order. My name's Burgh, the Castelia City Gym Leader, as you may have surmised. The lovely woman to my right is Lenora, the Nacrene City Gym Leader. It seems you know the other two already..."

There hadn't exactly been a question, but Cheren answered for him all the same. "Sorry, this is Thane. We received our Pokemon on the same day."

Bianca chimed in. "He's all the way from Johto!"

"Is that right?" There was nothing in Burgh's expression or posture that seemed unfriendly, but Thane felt discomfited regardless. "And I understand he was here before you arrived?"

"Right." Cheren's eyes swiveled to Thane. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"I was, um." He was on the spot, just like that. It didn't make sense to lie about what he'd been doing, as he hadn't done anything wrong as far as he could tell, so he decided he'd just tell the truth. "I was foraging."

"Foraging?" Came Cheren's response, paired with Bianca's, as was proving to be the case more often than not.

"Like an Emolga?"

"For lunch. Th-there are a variety of edible plants in the area..."

"It seems like you've been at it for a while." And Lenora's voice commandeered the conversation. "It doesn't look like you've seen the inside of a Pokemon Center for days."

"I've been on vacation."

She laughed at that. "A _vacation_ , you say?"

"I like the forest."

"Alright," Burgh said, crossing his arms."Supposing that's true, it still doesn't explain why we found you here, battling with our criminal."

"I just found him. He was, um." Thane paused. "He was rude, so I battled him."

"And you didn't know anything about the Dragon Skull?"

Thane shook his head. He tried not to squirm, but couldn't help it as he shifted his weight and his hands found his pockets.

"Wait, when Cheren asked for the skull, what did that guy say?" It was Bianca who spoke first this time, followed closely by Cheren.

"Now that you mention it, he said something about Thane already asking for it."

"N-no, I just... I wanted to know what was in the bag. I was c-cur- _curious_. I didn't, um, know it was stolen."

"Are you _sure?_ " Lenora's hands were on her hips as she towered over Thane. He didn't know how she did it, because objectively she couldn't have been that much taller than he was.

"I don't..." He hesitated. It was like there was a jungle of Caterpie thread in between him and the words he wanted. "I-I don't think I've done anything wrong."

"Not if you're telling the truth, but answer me this: Were you to have gotten the skull, what would you have done with it?"

And the thought had never occurred to Thane before, so he again had to take his time, and when he answered, his face was squeezed with deliberation. "I don't know. I just... wanted to know what it was. S-something like that would get in my way while traveling, so... I'd probably find a way to get rid of it."

"You wouldn't return it to the museum?"

"I _suppose_ I would, if I knew it was missing," Thane said, pitch rising to match his nerves.

Lenora stared at him, and no one moved until she released a long sigh. "Really, just look at you, covered in all that gunk. How could I not believe you? How about you come to my place, and we'll get you in a shower and some fresh clothes."

It wasn't a question, but after the pent-up air left his lungs, Thane still answered, "No, um. Thank you. I'd rather stay here."

But Lenora's voice boomed, "Really, I _insist_."

So Thane didn't feel as if he had any choice but to look down and say with a certain meekness, "Thank you, that would be n-nice."

\---

Their disorganized group split up as they reached the path paved through the center of the forest. Burgh, it seemed, had matters to attend to back in Castelia City. Bianca and Cheren both had their badges already, so they had no reason to stay in Nacrene any longer and decided to follow him. With only one badge in his possession, it once again occurred to Thane that he might be a bit slow, but like many other things, it didn't occur to him that he should care. That he'd spent most of his life waiting gave him a certain aloof patience, and he was already six years late for a Pokemon journey anyway, according to Johto standards. What difference did a few days, or a week, or a month make?

Lenora's house was more modest than Thane would have expected for a Gym Leader. It was in the same uniform as the others in the area: a brick structure with green doors and few windows. It appeared as though it might have, at one point, been connected to the house to its left through a second-storey staircase squeezed between the two buildings, but if there was a door, it had been sealed off for some time. When she flipped on the lights, Thane's eyes were met with what looked like imitation hardwood floors, just enough furniture to live by, and an explosion of paper trailing from the living room up the stairs. There were charts, blueprints, manila folders, spreadsheets, expense reports, and many other important-looking documents that Thane couldn't recognize, but also newspaper, butcher paper, cardboard boxes, and bundles of what might have been tissue paper littered the ground, too. On the couch laid a display of styrofoam and packing peanuts, along with sheets of hastily-torn bubble wrap and shimmering balls of crumpled plastic.

"I can't believe this..." Lenora muttered, but even when she tried to quiet herself, her voice carried. She pressed her palm to her forehead in an expression of mortification. "My husband told me he'd cleaned all of this up. I am _so_ sorry about the mess."

More than the mess, Thane was bothered by the environmental implications, but he wasn't about to lecture a Gym Leader about the morality of polystyrene, so he said he didn't mind. When she led him into the bathroom and began showing him how to use the faucet, he assured her that he could figure it out on his own, and then humbly declined her offer to wash his clothes. Thankfully, she understood the word no this time, and only took a second to glance into the mirror before exiting the room.

Although Thane used as little water as possible, it predictably took a lot for him to get clean, and every time he had to turn the water back on, he felt guiltier about it. He used his own soaps, biodegradable and handmade by a small, sustainable business in Fallarbor Town. Shipments across regions were supplied in small quantity by Altaria and Pelipper, so naturally, it was rather expensive. But to Thane, it was well worth it, and he often said he would rather stink than use something different. When he put it that way, his mother never really had a choice but to spend the money.

Thane dried himself off with a towel once he was done. The bathtub was a muddy disaster thanks to him, so he spent a bit of time tidying it up, and then redressed himself in clean clothes. He ran a comb through his hair, because he knew how it got when he didn't, but decided not to put his hat on. He hadn't worn it past his first day in the forest, but it seemed hardly less filthy for it; he supposed he would have to wash it out once he got the chance. By hand, of course, and certainly not in the company of Lenora. Route 3 would do nicely. There was plenty of fresh water and space for drying, and he could even train his Pokemon while he was at it, if he felt the need.

When he left the bathroom, the paper had mostly disappeared. The only remaining hints of the mess were the now neatly-stacked bundles of paper and manila folders on the coffee table, as well as a few packing peanuts. They were bound with triboelectricity to the side of the couch, where they blended in white-against-white, so he figured Lenora must have missed them.

"That's much better," she said once she got a look at him, and she even smiled and pinched his shoulder. Her hands were just as powerful as the rest of her seemed to be, and it felt as if his shoulder might bruise where she'd touched it.

Thane chose not to say anything, but wasn't given much time to, regardless.

"I'm really sorry about the mess. My husband's the curator at the museum, so he always has a lot of things to do, papers to go through. Since neither of us spend much time in the house, it always ends up like this in no time... If I would have known it'd gotten this bad, I'd have taken you somewhere else."

"It's fine," Thane said. "Messes don't bother me."

She eyed him. "What does _bother_ you?"

"What?" Thane hesitated. That seemed like a strange question.

"Oh, never mind. Would you like something to drink? I have tea or coffee."

"Just water, please."

"I'll get it for you. Make yourself at home." She nodded to the couch for him to sit, so he did as he was told. Other than a single coffee stain, the couch was a cream color, composed of a thick, canvas-like material. The cushions were pliant, but firm enough to support a good posture, and seemed as if they were made to stay comfortable during long periods of use. He noticed a pile of books shoved behind a reclining chair on the other side of the room, but Lenora was out with his water almost as soon as the thought to walk over and take a look at them crossed his mind.

She set the glass down on a coaster in front of him, and then walked to the recliner and sat. For a long while, she just watched him drink his water and, feeling very uncomfortable, he just continued drinking it, not knowing what else to do.

When he finished the glass, he set it back down on the coaster and said, "Thank you." But she still didn't say anything, and her eyes were deep and cobalt, appraising him.

"I really don't get you," she said finally.

"I-I'm sorry?"

"How long were you in that forest?"

Thane didn't know what expression he should make. His mouth wanted to frown, but he fought it. "Three or four days... approximately."

Her brows furrowed in thought, and she seemed to be somewhere Thane couldn't reach her, so he just waited. Eventually she sighed through her nose, but when she spoke her eyes were no less penetrating. "Well. I suppose you'll be wanting a Gym battle now."

"Um." He hadn't actually wanted a Gym battle just yet. He'd been thinking of it as something closer to a month away. "I-I haven't spent much time preparing."

"You might as well go for it anyway, right? If you win, that's great; if you lose, just try again." Her voice was flippant and she was suddenly smiling. And Thane, realizing that he wasn't going to have much of a choice where Lenora was concerned, nodded.

"Alright."

\---

The inside of the museum that led to the Gym was like a hive. Faceless people dressed either in blue suits or white coats zipped across the room and up and down the stairs, many shouting as they nearly ran into one another, but their words were impossible to single out from all of the _noise_. Congregating in the corner was a swarm of people, primarily in white coats, with the Dragon Skull sitting in the very center. They worked over it with several instruments that Thane couldn't even begin to recognize, and added to the buzz of chatter that filled the building so completely that it continued to ring in his ears, even as the door to the otherwise empty library shut behind them.

Despite the clamor, the library felt like a haven in comparison, and Thane let out a long breath through his nose before he allowed himself to look around. Other than the door, there was nothing but rows and rows of thousands of books. Books and libraries held little sentimental value to Thane, though, and all he could think about was that there was no way this could be a Gym. Where were they supposed to battle, he mused, the check-out counter? He could remember back in Striaton his waitress had mentioned something about the Nacrene City Gym having a ridiculous amount of functions, though, so he just followed Lenora wordlessly. 

As they approached the back of the library, one of the bookshelves was displaced. It appeared to have been pushed far to the right, and in the space that it should have occupied, judging from the even rows of shelves both following and preceding it, was a staircase. _When was the last time he'd seen a hidden staircase?_ It must have been somewhere around ten years ago. But then again, a hidden staircase didn't seem like something he'd forget, and he really couldn't recall where or when it was he thought he'd seen one. Maybe he never had. He couldn't be sure.

"What's this? It looks like someone got here before us. Too bad, I love seeing the looks on people's faces when I open this up." Lenora laughed. "The Gym's just down here. We're almost there."

Thane nodded, and he followed her down, pushing the thoughts of the staircase out of his head to instead wonder why Gyms in Unova were so strange.

"Usually I'll make challengers read through the library until they find the stairs, but for you, I'm making an exception," she said. "Hopefully whoever's down there won't mind waiting for us to finish."

As he considered voicing that he wouldn't have really been _opposed_ to not being able to battle Lenora, the first floor came into view. It was entirely unadorned except for a desk placed far against a wall, and the floor was dark grey, either stone or cement, an arena painted on it in white. And standing right at the edge of the arena, like a bolt of lightning aimed straight at Thane's cognitive processes, was _that N._


	9. Beginning pt. 8

N's eyes were extraordinary. They were a similar color to his hair, so in theory, this should have made them correspondingly blasé, but there was just something about them. Instead of looking pale, sun-bleached, _worn-out_ , they were bright and smoldered with questions. When they stared at Thane, they burrowed into him, flinging things about as they searched for answers. And it was strange, he thought, because how could those eyes, so innocuous, still be so... But, what was it, exactly? There was something about them that was just...

The words never came to him. Those eyes burned into his and penetrated him and by the time he froze, the walls had him trapped. They drew in nearer and Thane could feel them bearing down on him, constricting his chest, and his heart pounded in protest. Then came the hurricane of unintelligible thought, descending upon him as if it wanted nothing more than to rip and cleave him apart to his foundations, so he _strained_ to force his mind in a single direction. 

He needed to get out. He needed to leave. _Maybe he could run again_. If he could manage to get into the forest, or any heavily-wooded area, there was no way that N could keep up. Thane was, at the very least, confident about that. His body tensed and he bent his knees in preparation, but a sudden chuckling bubbled through his mind, and everything slowed at the sound of it.

_Gonna run again, Isaac?_ it whispered.

I'm not... I don't... What else can I do?

_You fight, obviously._

Thane's eyes didn't leave N. He hardly blinked.

But the Gym Leader, he said.

_What about her?_

If she sees--

The voice interrupted him. _I didn't say rip his fuckin Pokemon apart, just battle him or something. Use your goddamn head, Isaac. He's a weak sack of shit, but the fucker's pretty smart, so he's not gonna pull anything as long as that bitch is here. Fuck, even if he **did** , she'd just take him out._

I'm not--

_Just fuckin spare me_ , it said, then disappeared before he could respond, but that was just as well; it'd done its job, and Thane had regained some part of whatever had been taken from him. Still, doubts lingered as the room surrounding him and N blossomed back into focus.

Would his Pokemon even obey? They'd been compliant lately, but there was no telling how they'd react around that N. His Purrloin would, no doubt, abandon its orders without a second thought, and he wasn't much more confident about the Blitzle. Five was the most obedient of his Pokemon, and thus probably the best choice, but if something did happen, he was the one Thane wanted to lose the least. That just left One and Two. They'd already given in to N's charms once before, though. How could he know they wouldn't again?

He didn't know how long it took before his vision widened enough that he was able to spot Lenora, already at the bottom of the stairs and looking up at him. He'd received that same stare more times than he could count so, even with his mind the way it was, he could tell she expected something out of him. She must have asked him a question, but whatever it was he hadn't heard, and nothing came to him as he scrambled to come up with an answer or explanation for his silence.

"Um. I-I'm sorry?"

Lenora sighed. "I asked if you wouldn't mind battling with this gentleman."

He felt himself go cold at the question, and his heart flurried anew. "No."

It was only a few seconds later that he realized his answer did _not_ accurately convey his intents, but Lenora was already speaking by then. "Good, I was hoping you'd say that. See, as it turns out, he also helped me out when the skull was stolen, so it seems I owe both of you a favor."

"No," he said again. "Wait." But if Lenora heard him, she went on as if she hadn't.

"Alright, for the sake of brevity, you'll each be limited to three Pokemon. I'll give the winner's Pokemon a quick treatment here, and the loser will have to go back to the Pokemon Center." She paused, glancing up at Thane. "Hurry up, will you? You can't battle all the way up there."

N stared up at him, and Thane could feel the curiosity ghosting over him, making the hairs on his arms raise. He didn't have a choice, he told himself; both Lenora _and_ the voice wanted him to fight, and he wasn't confident that he could disobey either, even if it did mean facing that N. And the voice was right, he guessed. With Lenora watching, there wasn't much that he could probably do; Thane doubted he wanted to be exposed as a criminal in front of a Gym Leader. 

So he descended the stairs, then walked to the Trainer's box, a solid white square painted at the far edge of the arena. N was already standing in the Leader's box on the other side of the room, reaching into a pocket to pull out a Pokeball. There was no going back. Thane steadied himself, reaching inward to grasp at any final remnants of advice from the voice, but all he could find was the vague, warm sensation of its approval.

He would have to use One. He'd seen the way Two acted around that N and, were he to send her out, she'd just be a liability.

When released, One's eyes immediately found N's, and they maintained eye contact for a while, before One looked away, abashed. N frowned then opened his mouth, but closed it after glancing to Lenora. His gaze met Thane's again, and it seemed to say, _I would like to talk after the battle_. It didn't make sense how Thane could know this, but he did. He most certainly did _not_ want to talk with that N, or have anything to do with him at all, though, so just like One had, he looked away.

The first Pokemon that N sent out wasn't a Purrloin, but instead a smaller, confused Pokemon, appearing something like an estranged cousin to the Poliwag, but with neither legs nor the telling swirl. Its body consisted only of a round face, expression bashful as if its very existence was in some way humiliating, attached to which was a tail and a set of bulging, unnecessary-looking tympana.

In any case, the bubbles that shot out of its mouth proved it to be water-type, so Thane forced the words 'leaf tornado' from his mouth. When One complied, it felt like some sort of miracle. 

Leaf tornado was a move that his Snivy had just recently learned; unlike vine whip, it was much less effective as a ranged attack, and it involved a Pokemon creating a vortex of grass-type energy. Thane didn't understand the specifics of how it worked, but Pokemon were capable of many things beyond human comprehension, so he didn't dwell on it for long as swirling streaks of green surrounded One's tail. The Snivy let out a cry, then leapt into the air and brought his tail and all of that energy down onto the water-type Pokemon, who tried to defend with a stream of bubbles, but they just glided off of One's skin as if repelled by the chlorophyll.

The Pokemon squealed and fell limp as the attack hit, and N lunged forward towards it. And although they were still separated by an entire battlefield, the prospect of N getting closer to him robbed Thane of all the confidence his victory supplied. He couldn't help backing up a few steps. N caught himself before he stepped out of his box, though, and with a pained expression, he withdrew his Pokemon. The next one that was sent out wasn't a Purrloin, either, but instead an ugly, confident-looking Pokemon, bulging with veins and wielding a length of wood bigger than itself. It gave a roar of its name, _Timburr_ , and after a glance towards N, rushed forward to swing the block of wood at One's feet. 

One jumped, and green light gathered around his tail again, but the Timburr didn't flinch as the leaf storm connected with it, and it didn't make to retaliate as One prepared another. Thane felt his stomach clench. 

"S-st-stop!"

The light on One's tail faded as he peeked back.

"Leach seed it instead." The Snivy didn't move. "J-just do it!"

Fanning out the leaf tipping his tail, One made a short, irritated sound, but he complied in spitting several seeds from his mouth, which lodged into the Timburr and took sprout within a second. Still, the Pokemon didn't give any indication that it was in pain, even as the tendrils that burst from the seeds snaked around its body, pulsing and absorbing its stamina.

"Get away from it," Thane said, because he was now _positive_ he knew what was about to happen, and if One was there when that Timburr released energy, it wasn't going to be pretty.

But his order came too late. Right as One tried to dart away, the Timburr closed the distance between the two of them, startling One into tripping. It lifted the wood in its hands over its head, and slammed it down onto the Snivy at its feet with a crunch. One screeched and dragged himself away, sharp whimpers leaving him as he strained back to his feet. 

Now would have probably been a good time to switch out Pokemon, but Thane didn't know if any others would obey him, and losing to N didn't seem like an option. So even though Lenora was watching, and he knew that One couldn't possibly last all that much longer, with a voice robotic with haste, he said, "Your vines. Keep it away from you."

Luckily, the Snivy seemed more concerned about his bruised pride than the prospect of cracked ribs or internal bleeding, so when he said his name, it wasn't a complaint. He unleashed the vines from their slots on his shoulders, wrapping them around the Timburr's stubby legs. The Pokemon lifted its wood, but didn't have time to bring it down on the vines holding it before it was lifted in the air. One of the vines released the Timburr's legs and coiled around the wood it was carrying, and with a couple of yanks ripped it from its hands. One threw the makeshift weapon across the arena, where it landed with a clatter that made Thane jump and N flinch. 

And even through the anxiety he was feeling, Thane could appreciate the sight of One wrapping that free vine around the Timburr's arm, then bringing it down into the ground with enough force to scatter a cloud of dust into the air. All struggling was silenced on impact. N shouted and leaned forward, a hand shooting up over his mouth a second later, but he didn't move from his spot this time. Thane avoided looking up at him. He didn't want to see those eyes.

One provided an easy distraction.

As he panted, face stuck in a grimace, his skin began radiating the white light of molecules rapidly transitioning from an unstable, high-energy state to a much more manageable state of lower energy. This unneeded energy was cast out in the form of photons, and for thirty seconds they filled the room, leaving Thane squinting through the brightness. And it wasn't the first time he'd seen a Pokemon evolve, but something about watching one of his _own_ Pokemon evolving for the first time was fundamentally different, and for a moment as the light faded to reveal One, around a head taller, armless, and entirely more _elegant_ than he'd ever been as a Snivy, Thane was filled with wonder.

Because that was _his_ Pokemon. _Together_ , they'd earned a badge and gotten stronger, and in his new form, One was a physical manifestation of their struggles. For a moment, it didn't matter what Thane had done in the past or what had been done to him or what had happened since then. The only thing that mattered was that this was his Fresh Start, and it was proof that all of the waiting had been worth it, and that recovery for him was even _possible_.

Because _his_ Snivy evolved, and if he could do something as astounding as making a Snivy evolve, how hard could feeling a little happiness be?

But then as the last twinkles of light disappeared and One looked up at him, at _him_ and not at N, it was sucked out and replaced by a nothingness so dense that he felt it physically suffocating him. His mouth hung open as he tried to gasp, and everything was pushed out of his mind except for that thick, imposing nothing that just kept inflating until there was no room for anything else. The only thought strong enough to push through, ringing in his ears as if someone were screaming it, was a simple, _why?_

His chest felt light but his head felt heavy. That ripping static and a stab of pain had the palm of his hand pressing into his forehead, and he let out a short laugh, because he didn't know what else to do. His vision blurred as tears threatened to spill, but he couldn't understand _why._

_Why was this happening?_

A voice managed to reach him over everything, but it wasn't _the_ voice. It was louder, older, and not inside of his head, he realized. He looked up to see Lenora at his side, her face concerned, and he tried to say something, but no words came out. He couldn't think. His mind was too full or maybe it was empty but it was too much of _something_ for him to be able to do anything so he just stared with his mouth open.

"Are you alright?"

He needed to answer. Somehow, he needed to answer. 

"I'm fine."

The words left him.

Lenora's frown elongated.

"I just got _really_ excited." He felt the muscles in his lips tighten into a smile, and his eyebrows had unknotted themselves. "It's the first time my Pokemon's evolved."

And as laughter simmered in the back of his head, the nothingness thinned around it enough that Thane was able to form some semblance of thought in its direction. 

_Nice try_ , the voice said.

What's happening to me?

_Well, you know, part of it's the last of those fuckin meds, part of it's that N, part of it's that fuckin bitch over there... What's your deal with her, anyway? Haven't seen you this worked up about a chick since that nymph back in--_

**Please stop.**

_Yeah, now's not the time, is it? Anyway, if you **really** want to know, I'd say it's because of that son-of-a-bitch Alakazam._

The image of an Alakazam, long whiskers and squinty eyes on a star-shaped face, tore its way into Thane's head, and his heart raced in his throat. The way his stomach churned he thought he might be sick, which normally might have been unwelcome, but being that it was _something_ , he clung to it.

_I know, I know, don't bring it up_ , the voice said. _But seriously, that was pretty fuckin close. You should wipe your nose._

So he did, numbly, and he puzzled at the red smear left on the back of his hand. He could tell that it must have been blood and it must have come from his nose, but he couldn't make any sense of it beyond that.

"Do you have a tissue?" he found his mouth asking, and his head pointed back up to Lenora.

She jumped at the sight of him. "Just a second. I have some at my desk." She brought a few over for him, and his hands used them to wipe the blood from above his lip.

"Maybe you should lie down for a while," she said, but Thane's head shook.

"No, I'm really fine. I'd like to finish the battle."

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea..."

But the smile grew on his face, and it was less stiff than he was used to it feeling. "Don't worry! I'm okay, I promise."

And, somehow, Lenora relented with a sigh. "Well, if you say so."

When his body turned to face the battlefield, his eyes locked themselves on N, but Thane's fear was muted as he looked on. His mouth said, "Sorry about your Timburr, seems my Snivy went a little overboard." It took N meeting his gaze, looking into him, forcing walls at him, for him to realize that the reason why he felt so disconnected from his body's actions was because _he_ wasn't actually performing them.

What are you doing? Thane asked, but he found he could no longer control his mouth.

The voice said, _I'm taking over for now._

But--

_**Relax**. It's just for a little while until you've calmed down._

I'm calm now.

_You aren't. **I'm** calm. **You're** a mess._

What's the difference?

The voice sighed. _The **difference** is that I don't give a shit about all this, and you do._

What do you mean?

_Even if I explained it, it wouldn't mean shit to you right now._

Why not?

_Same fuckin reason you always tell me not to talk about it._

What are you talking about?

_God, fuckin... Look, can't say I blame you for repressing shit, but sometimes it's really god damn annoying._

Thane didn't know how to respond to that. He was quiet.

_Just forget it, okay? Sit back and relax so I can get that second badge for you. You'll thank me later._

What happened back there, when One evolved?

When the voice didn't say anything, Thane thought maybe it would ignore him, but was pleasantly surprised when it did eventually answer, Come on, it's not that complicated. _What **happened** was you were happy about that Snivy. So fuckin happy your brain just about exploded._

But I wasn't happy... Was I? It was just nothing.

_You were, trust me. It's there; problem is you can't fuckin feel it anymore._

For some reason, even though it didn't make sense to him how someone could _be_ happy but still not _feel_ happy, Thane was able to make sense of the idea. And it felt familiar. Maybe he'd thought it before, or maybe it was something someone told him, but whichever the case, he pulled the budding nostalgia out by the roots and pushed it away, then asked, How do I feel it again?

_Hell if I know. You'll figure it out, though._

Thane supposed he would. In the meantime, he did as the voice told him to and relaxed. He was, he realized, pretty tired, and now that he knew what was going on, letting the voice take over was a bit of a relief. The voice was more confident than he was, and much better at talking. It was better at battling, and really, if Thane thought about it, he would have realized that the voice was better than him in nearly every regard. 

He watched as the voice used One to defeat N's final Pokemon, a Pidove, and then had the audacity to continue forward and actually reach out to shake N's hand. 

"Great battle," the voice said. 

N didn't respond immediately, though. He murmured to his Pokeball something about power before reluctantly accepting the voice's outstretched hand. Their eyes locked, and even watching from some disconnected place within his own head, Thane felt as if N was looking at _him_. It was utterly disheveling, and he tried to avoid staring at those eyes, but they sucked him in.

"I should thank you. In the two times we've met, you've taught me a great deal."

The voice just chuckled and said, "You can thank me next time. For now, you should probably take that Timburr to the Pokemon Center."

"And you your Servine."

"Yeah... Unfortunately, I don't have the time right now; I have a Gym battle to win, after all. But I'm sure I'll head over there right after."

N withdrew his hand to his side, and he looked down at Thane's Pokeballs quietly. Different emotions flashed past those eyes of his, but in time they settled on something like sorrow, and he said, "Do you even care about them at all?"

"Them?"

"The Pokemon."

"Ah." The voice's smile grew, and it wasn't rigid, but was warm. It was something that was confident and amiable and much too flawless of a performance for Thane to be able to pull off. "Course I do. Who doesn't love the little guys? You'd practically have to be _crazy_ not to." It laughed at this, but Thane still didn't think it was funny, and N didn't look convinced. He just let out a breath through his nose and bowed his head toward the floor for a moment before looking towards Lenora.

"I'll come back again tomorrow."

She nodded. "I'll be here."

So he left then, and as he walked up the stairs, his back seemed to be saying, _I'll wait for you at the Pokemon Center_ , but then again, it didn't seem possible to Thane that a back could say all of that.

The voice turned towards Lenora, the smile never leaving its face. 

"Now, shall we begin?"


	10. Beginning pt. 9

Lenora offered to heal Thane's Pokemon, but the voice shook Thane's head. 

"It's okay," it said. "I won't be using my Servine anyway. I can just heal him up with the rest after we're done."

Lenora hesitated. "Are you sure you're alright? I don't want you to push yourself."

"What? Don't _tell_ me you're getting cold feet after seeing me battle."

This hadn't apparently been a response that she anticipated, and she guffawed at it. "Not a chance. I'm just being responsible. Hopefully when you're my age, you'll do the same."

The voice nodded with a polite laugh. "One can only hope."

And to Thane, it said, _When is this bitch gonna stop talking?_

Lenora must have been tiring of the pleasantries, too, because it didn't take much longer before she was standing where N had been earlier, legs spread out under her in a way that would have intimidated Thane, were he the one battling. Luckily, though, he wasn't, so when Lenora sent out her first Pokemon, something covered in thick fur and called a Herdier, Five was released without a moment's delay.

"You get one - or, no, better make it two. You get two kicks," the voice said, but the Sawk only responded with a stare and a frown. A growl rumbled from the Herdier's throat, and Five glanced back at it, retreating a single step, before returning his gaze to the voice. Five mumbled something, a question, but the voice laughed.

"Don't worry about it. Gym Leaders are pretty scary, but you have the advantage. I _know_ you can do it." The Sawk tilted its head, and it didn't seem very happy with that answer, judging by the way its forehead wrinkled. 

Lenora's Herdier was less courteous than Chili's Pansear, though, so before the two of them could settle whatever was bothering Five, the Herdier was dashing across the field. Five was taken by surprise when it suddenly rammed his body with enough force that even the Sawk, sturdy as he was, was knocked back.

"Two kicks," the voice reminded him, and Five grunted as he grabbed the retreating Herdier by the tail before it could get away. It yipped in a way that reminded Thane of Chili's Lillipup, and he guessed other than the size, their anatomy was mostly the same, too.

Five dragged the Herdier backwards, and although the sound of the Pokemon's claws scraping the floor echoed the entire way, when it was brought into Five's upwards kick, it flew into the air. Were it not for that strong hand still on its tail, holding it in place, it might have gone shooting across the gym, but being that it was still in range, Five took the opportunity to raise his leg once more. He planted a second kick square across the Herdier's ribs, and as he did so his hand loosened around its tail. With nothing to hold it in place, the Pokemon soared to the other side of the arena and, upon hitting the ground, continued to skid away.

The momentum finally ceased when it rolled to Lenora's side and, while it was quick to begin the struggle back to its feet, its legs trembled. As Five took a step towards it, The Herdier's ears flattened against its head, and it looked up to Lenora. It let out a single whine, to which she sighed.

"That's okay," she said as she withdrew a Pokeball from her pocket. "That's enough."

At that, it allowed itself to drop back to the ground, and Lenora recalled it before taking out another Pokeball. Inside of it was a long, brown-and-yellow striped Pokemon, with large teeth and angry red eyes that resembled Two's. The color of its fur, other than the yellow, wasn't that far off from Two's, either, and Thane guessed that this must be Patrat's evolved form.

If the Herdier _was_ related to a Lillipup, it meant that Lenora's Pokemon were all terribly common. Being that she was a Gym Leader, it seemed to Thane that there must have been something better out there for her to use, but perhaps there weren't many normal-type Pokemon in Unova. Either that, or that psychologist had been right about all of those weak-looking, unglamorous Pokemon in the beginning routes growing to be much stronger.

Whichever the case, the Pokemon in front of him looked a lot more reliable than a Patrat did, and _infinitely_ more reliable than Two. Even so, it didn't seem like it would probably be that big an obstacle for Five, especially being normal type. Until Thane heard the word 'hypnosis,' he didn't feel as if there was a single thing to be worried about. The voice, evidently, shared in his apprehension.

"Shit, don't just fuckin stand there like a _dumbass_ , close your fuckin eyes!" it yelled, throwing Thane's hands in the air, and Five looked back again, forehead wrinkled in dissent, but did as he was told.

On the other side of the arena, Lenora raised her brows. "I didn't know you had such a mouth."

The voice ignored her. "Use your ears. You should be able to hear it come."

"Good strategy, but it's not going to work if your Pokemon's confused."

And, on cue, the other Pokemon's eyes lit up, casting a beam onto Five, whose eyelids shot back open and his eyes rolled around in their sockets. He took a cautious step forward, but even that seemed to require more coordination than Five was left with, as his knee nearly gave way under him. Mercilessly, Lenora's Pokemon raced forward towards the incapacitated Sawk.

"Retaliate gets stronger if an ally's been knocked out recently," Lenora said, and it looked as if she would have gone on, had the voice not interrupted her.

"Just fuckin _guard!_ "

Five drew his arms up in front of him to prepare for the blow, but at the last moment, inexplicably, he straightened, and in an instant he'd moved out of the other Pokemon's way. It stumbled as it was met with open air, and in the same way that Thane had seen him do so many other times, Five lifted one of his legs and kicked the Pokemon in the stomach. The sound of air rapidly vacating its lungs like a popped balloon was heard, and when it landed far across the arena, it coughed for breath, letting out a piteous cry.

It, too, was enveloped in red light, and then back safe in Lenora's Pokeball. She was frowning when the voice turned Thane's eyes towards her, but when she noticed its gaze, she was quick to hang a smile on her face.

"And you said you weren't prepared."

"Looks like I got lucky," the voice said, and Lenora laughed.

"It takes more than just luck to beat me with a single Pokemon, even if it is a Sawk. You've got some talent, and I don't say that to everyone."

"That's kind of you."

She dug in her pocket and walked across the arena as the voice recalled Thane's Sawk into his Pokeball. By the time she stood in front of the voice, she had two things in her hand - a badge, and what Thane recognized as a disk-mechanism TM. "I'm proud to say you're worthy of this Basic Badge. Furthermore, I'd like to award you with this TM. It contains the retaliate attack, one of my personal favorites. Although you didn't exactly get to see it in action, I'm confident you'll be able to make good use of it."

If it were him, Thane would probably have tried not to take the TM, because it seemed like a waste to be given something that he knew he wouldn't use. The voice accepted it in his stead, though, and was even gracious. It was polite, thanked her several times, and joked around ambivalently. They parted on pleasant terms, with the voice declaring that he'd better go to the Pokemon Center to get Thane's Servine checked out.

Thane didn't think that was such a good idea, though, so as the voice led them out of the museum and through the city, he said, We shouldn't go to the Pokemon Center just yet.

"Obviously," the voice murmured aloud, but when it continued, it made sure that only Thane could hear.

_If that shit-stack thinks we're just going to mosey on over there and, I don't know, have a fuckin **heart-to-heart** , he's got another thing coming._

Trapped in the confines of his mind, Thane's relief felt tangible.

So where are we going?

_Back around Pinwheel. Figure long as I'm out, I might whip your Pokemon into shape like I said I would._

You said that _we_ would whip them into shape.

_You, me, we. It's the same fuckin thing._

It's not.

"Fine," the voice said with a sigh. "Then why don't _you_ tell me, oh _gracious_ body, whatever the _fuck_ should I do?"

Don't, Thane hesitated. Don't speak to me out loud.

"Why? No one's around to hear."

**Please.**

_Alright, alright. I got it, your majesty._

Thane was quiet. He didn't want to say thank you.

_Seriously, though. Why not just let me train your Pokemon for a bit? Other than the Sawk, and **maybe** One, they're all still shit. You **know** I can do something about that, and in a lot less time than you could by yourself._

I know, but...

_But what? You think I'm gonna kill one or something?_

Thane didn't say anything.

_For fuck's sake, how many times do I have to tell you before you fuckin get it? **I'm not about to go and do something stupid.** You **know** how bad I wanted to fuck that N up, but did I do anything about it?_

No, but that's just because Lenora was there.

The voice made a sound of frustration, and a woman passing by them on the sidewalk glanced up, startled. It flashed her a brief smile and nodded, not continuing their conversation until she was out of sight.

_That's **exactly** what I'm trying to fuckin say. I controlled myself because I **knew** what would happen if we went and did something stupid. And to be honest, I think I handled the situation **much** better than you did._

I know you did. I just...

_Fuck, Thane. Is it really so hard to trust me? That hurts, you know._

And so Thane conceded with a sigh, because he knew by then that all of the arguing was pointless anyway. You can train them, but only Three and Four. They're the ones that really need it.

"Of course," the voice said, and it spread a smirk across Thane's face. Thane settled back, still somewhat uneasy about the whole thing, but as the voice led him into the patches of grass just outside of Pinwheel Forest, he managed to fall into something of a slumber.

\---

A sudden shock awoke him. There was no physical sensation, but instead an abrupt feeling of distress that wasn't exactly his but was strong enough to wash over him as if it were. He stirred, but he couldn't see out of his eyes for some reason, and all he could hear was the voice.

"I'm sorry," it said. _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fuckin sorry._

What happened?

_I don't know. Or, well, fuck. It happened so fast. I was just training Three like I said I would and then the damn thing... It's **not** my fault, I swear._

WHAT HAPPENED?

_Okay. Right. So I was training that fucking Purrloin and it was a stupid sack of shit but it was getting better, and everything was going good, and then this fuckin red **thing** came out of fuckin nowhere and I guess I underestimated it or maybe I **overestimated** the Purrloin--_

**Please** , Thane said, just tell me what happened. 

_Look. It's not like it's dead or anything, and I **swear** it's not my fuckin fault. I didn't touch it. But that huge red fucker just fuckin picked it up and threw it and when I got here it was already fuckin like this._

Like what?

_Don't get mad. Promise me you won't._

I'm _already_ mad.

"Shit," the voice recoiled in a whimper, and it retreated into the back of Thane's consciousness so completely that when Thane's eyes blinked he could tell it was of his own volition. To his right, within arms-reach, trees sprung up to form the edge of the forest, and to his left were moss-spotted boulders, leading into a craggy plateau. The sun was falling, so it was probably sometime after seven; the days would be getting shorter before too much longer. A bit of a relief really, because he didn't like taking off his jacket, which could make summers difficult for him at times.

A guttural, loud groan at his feet caught Thane's attention, and when he looked down, he found Three to be the source of it. His eyes registered broken limbs and odd bulges where they shouldn't have been, an erratic breathing pattern that might have signaled a rib pushing against a lung, and abrasions, invisible other than the wetness in the fur surrounding them. But all of those paled at the sight of that _one_ injury. A glance above the Purrloin revealed bloody branches, where a tree had generously thought to catch the falling Pokemon on descent. He suspected that it'd only been able to catch Three's hind leg, though, because a simple fall couldn't be responsible for that beautiful pillar of white, standing enchanting against the blooming red of freshly-exposed muscle. A compound fracture. Type III most likely, but with such a small Pokemon and so little professional tutelage it was hard to be sure.

It'd been so long since he'd seen one that, for a moment, it stole his breath away, and he was chilled to his fingertips. He swallowed around his tongue, useless and stuck to the roof of his mouth, and knelt down for a closer look. The thoughts weren't pushed out of him, but seemed to leave of their own accord, and the chorus of his heart in his ears was only rivaled by the Purrloin's incessant wailing.

Thane really wanted to make him _shut up_ , but his hand shook as he reached out, and he instead lowered it back to his side in favor of staring at that jagged fibula. It jutted, bold and proud, out of the laceration, and the hematoma it set free just _poured_. The blood was more black than red in the fading sun, matting fur and streaming into a growing pool that painted the grass. It collected faster than the dirt could soak it up, and in its eagerness spread outwards towards Thane like an invitation. 

A thought finally entered his head, but despite the familiar flitters of looming hyperarousal, it was calm.

_What a dilemma._

The voice hadn't been lying; there was nothing this could have been but an accident. The voice didn't have the patience to do something like this, and it usually liked to play a more passive role, anyway. A voice in his head. Suggestions. Pictures. Taunting, maybe, but definitely never more than a back-seat driver; it was just the _voice_ , after all. He should never have allowed it full control for something like training Pokemon. And this thought made him angry, both at himself and at the voice, because how _dare_ the voice take over like it had, and how could he have been so stupid as to let it in the first place?

But that _racket_ brought him back and, in a moment of weakness, his hand shot from him and wrapped tightly around the Purrloin's open wound, slippery and searing, wet against his skin. The bone pressed hard into him and twitched in his palm, and Three let out a wheezing, breathless scream when he squeezed. The Pokemon went silent and his eyes rolled into the back of his head, but his chest was shaking worse than before, so he wasn't dead yet. Thane hurried to release the leg once he realized what he was doing, and he stared down at his hand, dyed red. 

_What a mess._

As he stood back up, he had to bite his lip to suppress the sudden laughter that wanted to break free. He was, of course, still angry, and he knew that the entire situation meant trouble for him, but the way that bone stuck out of Three, and the way he laid on the ground, writhing because he was just so _broken_ , it seemed anyone should have been able to find some degree of humor in it. Despite his efforts, a quiet chuckle escaped from behind his teeth. 

But at the same time, he knew that for whatever reason most people _wouldn't_ have found it funny, so he couldn't afford someone coming. 

For the moment, he withdrew his Purrloin to his Pokeball and looked down at the patch of grass where he'd been laying. It was really a philosophical question, if the blood that came from a Pokemon still counted as a part of that Pokemon, but unfortunately a Pokeball didn't recognize it as such, so Thane was left with the question, _What to do about all of this?_

Because he couldn't take the Purrloin to a nurse. The idea barely had time to enter his head before he'd rejected it; even if it were true that none of this was his fault, he'd maimed enough Pokemon that it would take an idiot to believe him, and an idiot Professor Juniper most certainly was not. Just imagining seeing her again, trying to explain everything to her, was enough to nearly send him into a panic, so he had to hide his relief when the voice spoke up.

_You could use Four._

The words anchored him, but he didn't know what they meant, so Thane made sure he sounded appropriately irate when he said, Four?

_He learned a fire-type move while I was training him. Flame charge. If you burn the grass, no one'll know what happened._

I don't like fire.

_Well, shit, Thane. Would you rather get caught?_

And Thane admitted that he wouldn't. He took out Four's Pokeball, and when the Pokemon was released, it stared at him with wide, glowing eyes. Blitzle were usually prone to fidgeting, but Four just stood stiff. It was really inconvenient that Pokemon were able to see what was happening around them even while in their Pokeballs. Hopefully, he thought, Four wouldn't make this too difficult for him.

He pointed to the grass and said, "Burn it." 

Instead of obeying him, though, the Blitzle looked between him and the patch of grass, then motioned with its nose towards Three's Pokeball. His movements were jerky, and he lifted one of his hooves then brought it to the ground. Thane couldn't guess what he was trying to convey, though, so he just repeated his order.

"Burn the grass."

Both of Four's front hooves left the ground in a short, anxious rear and, as he shook his head, electricity flickered in his mane. He let out a puff of breath, face grim and urgent.

"I'm not going to move from here until you burn the grass," Thane said. The voice whispered suggestions in his ears that formed words in his mouth. "You know, I've read that when Pokemon are in critical condition, Pokeballs put them into a stasis. That means that it shouldn't matter how long we take to get to the Pokemon Center."

While Thane waited for a response that never came, he reminded himself to smile. It would seem that the Blitzle would need further convincing, and convincing was something that the voice had always been good at. He was pretty sure it was one of the main reasons why his doctors hadn't liked them together.

"Well, either way, Three's gone into shock by now. How much blood do you think he's lost? I'd say somewhere around thirty percent, but it could be quite a bit more than that, depending on how much is on the tree and in the ground... Oh, but you don't know what it means to go into shock, do you?"

Four's ear twitched, and he raked the dirt with a hoof.

"Well, you're just a _Blitzle_ ," he emphasized the word, voice syrupy, "so I guess I can't really expect you _would_. Being that we evidently have the time, I'll tell you a little about it. Let's see. Since you're a _Blitzle_ , you were probably thinking it has something to do with electricity, but what I'm talking about is peripheral hypoperfusion, so it's usually completely unrelated. There are a few different kinds, but they pretty much all stem from hypotension. The one that you probably have to worry about the most is hypovolemic shock, but I guess, depending on the Pokemon, septic or neurogenic might also be a problem.

"Anyway, the kind that Three has is hypovolemic. Hemorrhagic, obviously. Estimating he's lost around thirty percent of his extracellular fluid, he's somewhere between the second and third stages. As long as he stays in the second stage, things should be fine; his renin-agiotensin system should be responding. Vasoconstriction will help limit the hemorrhaging, but it also means a heightened CRT, so his cells have to switch over to anaerobic respiration to make up for the lack of oxygen. 

"Oh, but you probably don't know much about cell respiration, either, do you?" Thane sighed. "This is all painfully common knowledge, but I guess for _you_ it'd be better if I tried using _simpler_ words. Just remember that when you switch over to anaerobic respiration, your body gets really stiff and tired. Metabolic acids build up in your muscles, and if there's too high a concentration, it can end up killing your cells. The catabolic process in aerobic respiration is much more efficient, so... Please tell me you at least know what oxygen is? Well, you're a _Blitzle_. It's the stuff in air that we breathe in. Our lungs feed it into our bloodstream, where it's used in aerobic respiration to produce adenosine triphosphate."

Four just stared at him, eyes wide and confused and entirely unhappy. Even the smarter Pokemon never seemed to know much about science; a few big words and they all got that same dumb, bewildered look on their faces.

"I guess it's useless to try and explain this to you, isn't it? Well, anyway, if Three passes into the third stage, there's a good chance that he'll start producing catecholamines, which..." He tsked. " _Sorry_. I keep forgetting. How do I simplify this? Basically, they're monoamines produced by your adrenal glands, and they can act as a stimulant for your heart. They're the same things your body produces during an acute stress response, _if_ you know what that is...

"In any case, I shouldn't have to tell you what's going to happen if Three ends up filled with all those catecholamines, right?" He paused. "Well, you're just a _Blitzle_ , so I'd better say it to be safe. If those catecholamines start spreading, all of the blood in Three's tiny Purrloin body is just going to up and leave through that cut in his leg. It's going to send him straight into stage four hypovolemia, which is when the body starts to shut down. By that time, he'll have lost more than forty percent of his blood, so his body'll pretty much stop supplying it to things like the continuous endothelial capillaries in his dermis, as it begins to prioritize more important organs, such as the lungs and the brain. Even a _Blitzle_ should know that you can't live without those.

"So I'm sure you can imagine that going into shock is pretty dangerous, and it's not a fun way to die. I've seen it happen more than once... Twelve times, maybe? Thirteen? Anyway, it's hard to bring something back once they get to the point where all of their cells and organs are dying. Even if the doctors _do_ manage to resuscitate a patient, by then they're usually at least partially brain-dead, and a lot of times they'll stay in a coma. And, you know, I feel _really_ bad saying this, but I'm just a sixteen-year-old kid. I'm not going to have the money to keep a Pokemon on life support, and no one else is going to want to pay for it, either. Not for a _Purrloin_. Isn't that terrible?

"Oh, but you're a _Blitzle_ , so you probably _still_ don't know what I'm talking about, do you? What I'm _trying_ to say to you is that if the shock's too bad, even if Three _does_ survive it, there's a good chance that we'll have to put him down anyway." Thane closed his eyes and shook his head. "Now isn't that just _awful_? Hopefully he really _has_ gone into stasis. It would be a shame if something like that happened to Three, and all because some _stupid Blitzle_ didn't want to burn a little patch of grass.

"So," he said, placing a blood-covered hand on the side of the Blitzle's face. The Pokemon responded to his touch with a flinch, mane lighting up apprehensively as Thane patted his cheek. His smile was the voice's as he continued, his voice no less patronizing. "Won't you _please_ burn the grass, _for Three?_ "

And Thane's hand dropped from Four as he gave one more rear, then kicked up his hind legs. He snorted, shot Thane a glare, and then without warning was galloping across the field. Being that Thane had never seen the attack personally until then, he was a bit surprised as sparks first illuminated Four's hooves, then grew into flames and spread up his legs. They continued to intensify until they covered the Blitzle's body completely, at which point, Four wheeled around back to the patch of grass. He flung himself down upon it flank-first with a sizzle and a soft whinny. Smoke danced from him in wisps into the sky, but it was getting dark enough that Thane probably wouldn't have noticed if it weren't for that pungent smell.

When Four managed to right himself, the grass under him glowed the softness of dying embers. Everything appeared to be burned sufficiently, but Thane couldn't see well enough to be sure, and he knew the only thing more suspicious than blood was blood that someone tried and failed to cover up.

"Another," he said. The Blitzle stared at him blankly, so Thane sighed. "My _god_ , you're worse than a Slowpoke. How many times are you going to make me repeat myself? _Now_."

The Blitzle hesitated, but began the process again, and Thane tried to ignore how sick he felt when the heat of the flames washed over him. He forced his face calm, didn't let the flickering orange light betray his dread. It was only fire, he reminded himself. _Only fire_.

After the second flame charge, the area lay charred to the dirt, and Thane decided that was enough. The Blitzle looked at him expectantly, motioned toward the path back to town, and reared once more. If Thane thought about it, he probably could have hazarded a guess as to what the Pokemon was trying to tell him, but he didn't care. He held up Four's Pokeball and withdrew him, then proceeded to walk into Pinwheel Forest.


	11. Beginning pt. 10

When it got to be night in a forest as thick as Pinwheel, it became impossible to see. Leaves in the canopy hungrily absorbed the luminescence overhead, while the plants nearer to the earth acted as a guard against the artificial light blaring from the city. It gave the illusion that there was nothing else in the world but him and the trees, and perhaps the occasional nocturnal Pokemon scuttling about, but Pinwheel didn't seem to have many of those. 

So when Thane stopped in a level clearing, far enough away from the forest path that the unlikely person could neither hear nor stumble upon him, he didn't falter. He unzipped his backpack to take out his trowel, then set the bag on the ground so that it didn't make a sound. Lowering himself to his knees, he took a moment to let a hand glide over the earth, fuzzy with minute shoots of grass, before sinking the trowel into the dirt. Except that the hole needed to be much larger, it wasn't all that different from when he disposed of any other waste; whether it was scraps from cooking, hair, or feces, he avoided consuming anything other than organic plant matter, the microorganisms in the soil decomposed them all flawlessly.

Unfortunately, he thought, it was going to take much longer for a Purrloin to decompose. It pained him to introduce something so foreign to the environment, but there wasn't any way around it.

A shovel would have been nice, though. The earth was proud and disliked the audacity of his tiny trowel. Was he _really_ planning on digging such a deep hole with _that_? Perhaps feeling insulted, the soil seemed to resist his every scoop, pushing against his blade as if intent on slowing all progress. In any case, he hadn't gotten that far when he became aware of a sharp, mechanical beeping beside him. It went off in quick sets of three beeps, waited five seconds, then beeped again, and again, and again.

He froze in place but, after straightening and looking around ineffectually, he became further aware that the source of the beeping was his backpack. That couldn't have been right; how could his backpack be making any noise, let alone such an electronic one? His answer came in the form of a glowing square, shining through a piece of cloth that was probably a shirt, and he unraveled it from the contents of his bag with a glower.

Holding it in his hand, it looked to be a watch, but the display screen more closely resembled that of a cell phone. The Xtransceiver, wasn't it? 

_Call from Mom_ , it said. _Would he like to pick up?_

No, he would not, but he knew how she got when she couldn't get in touch with him, and the last thing he needed was a police investigation. She always had the most inconvenient timing.

So he pressed the _accept_ button anyway and the screen changed from text to an image of his mother's face. The audio crackled and, as his mother's picture turned into a slideshow of expressions, he realized that it was probably supposed to be a video. Eventually his mother's voice came loud through speakers, hidden somewhere close to the screen.

_"Thane, honey? Are you there?"_

He didn't want to say anything, but that would mean drawing this out longer, which would only end up wasting the electricity that the Xtransceiver undoubtedly ran on. He couldn't remember ever charging it, but according to the battery icon in the corner it was running full-power nonetheless. There must have been a solar panel somewhere. She knew him too well.

"I'm here."

_"Where? I can't see anything."_

"I'm in Pinwheel Forest. It's dark."

_"Oh, drat. That explains why it's so hard to hear. Could go somewhere better-lit?"_

"No. I'm in pretty deep." And, perhaps more accurately, he didn't want to leave and then be unable to find his hole in the dark.

She sighed, but her face on the screen brightened. _"You've always been just like your father when it comes to forests. I hope you've at least been keeping clean."_

"There's no point if I don't run into anyone."

It took a second for the video to catch up with the sound of her laughing. _"How am I ever going to find a wife for you with you acting like a wild man all the time?"_

"I don't want a wife."

_"Oh, honey, no one your age does, but you'll change your mind."_

Thane frowned and considered sticking the Xtransceiver once more into his backpack, but with an incredible amount of self-restraint, he managed not to.

"Why did you call?"

_"It's been a week and a half since I saw my baby boy. Isn't that enough of a reason?"_

"Then I can hang up now?"

 _"No!"_ The screen shook, and his mother disappeared from it, leaving him staring at the wall. She must have painted it recently; he didn't remember her room being beige. _"Don't you dare. I want to know how you're doing."_

"I'm fine."

_"Thane."_

"What?"

 _"You know what."_ Though her voice was distorted from the device, Thane realized that she was probably trying to scold him.

"Nothing's changed. I'm just fine."

_"How are your Pokemon?"_

Thane opened his mouth, but no response formed at his lips. He wanted to say that his Pokemon were also fine, but the image of Three's mangled leg popped into his head, and the words caught in his throat. He didn't need the voice telling him to know he shouldn't say anything about it to her, but this was his _mother_. If anyone could catch him in a lie, it was her, and if he _did_ lie and she caught him, he'd get in even more trouble than if he told the truth. But if he told her the truth, would she _believe_ him?

 _Well_ , he thought, _of course_ she _would_ ; it was everyone else he was worried about. None of this was his fault, but there was no way anyone but his mother would believe it. If only the past didn't color people's opinions like it did, he lamented, maybe he'd have been able to go to a Pokemon Center. Three even might have made it.

Really, not a single part of this was his fault.

It was tragic.

_"Thane?"_

He supposed he had to answer one way or another, didn't he? So he looked inside and asked for a little help, because he didn't know how to lie so that she'd believed him, and the voice was always so good at putting up a show. It wasn't much less hesitant than he was, but Thane said, I really need you to do this, so it relented and fed him advice.

"Sorry, the audio cut out. What was it you said?"

_"I asked how your Pokemon were."_

"Oh, they're just fine. Great, in fact. My Snivy even evolved today."

_"Did he?"_

"Yeah, right before my Gym battle. It was incredible. Too bad you weren't there to see it, but you've never been big on battles, so you probably wouldn't have liked seeing me against Lenora anyway."

_"Oh, nonsense. I would have loved to have been there cheering you on, and you know it."_

"Yes, mother." Thane's eyes rolled. "Your conversations with the quack made that _abundantly_ clear."

Whether she was silent for a while or the sound really did cut out, he wasn't quite sure, but when she finally readjusted the screen so he could see her face again, she looked distracted. As she spoke, her voice came out softer.

_"Honey, don't take this the wrong way, but I'm going to ask you something and I want you to tell me the truth. I promise I won't get mad, so don't be afraid and don't think you have to lie, okay?"_

Thane felt himself go cold at her words, but the voice didn't seem to share in his concern, because the response that came from Thane's lips was just as level as before. "Sure. What is it?"

_"Have you stopped taking your medication?"_

_She knows_ , Thane thought. The words shot him like cannons, knocked him from where he was standing, and the world spun as he fell. Suddenly he couldn't hear the conversation anymore over his declarations of, She knows. She knows. _She knows._

_Will you fuckin shut up? There's no way she could know._

But she _does_. She can _tell_. She can tell it's you and that I stopped taking my medication and she's going to say something to Juniper and my psychiatrist, and I _knew it_ he was right I shouldn't have trusted you, now look where I am in the middle of a forest trying to dig this huge hole with a _trowel_ , and someone's gonna--

_**Thane.** Fuck. Take a deep breath. She doesn't know **shit.**_

If she didn't know she wouldn't have asked.

_The bitch **asked** cause she's not here to fuckin **micromanage** you anymore. How the fuck could she have found out, huh?_

I don't know, but--

_And what the fuck, Thane? You side with that fuckin quack as soon as a single thing goes wrong? Look, I know I fucked up with the Purrloin, but I told you, **it wasn't my fault.** The same thing would've happened even if you were up to bat. And with all those fuckin meds in your head, the **first thing** you would have done was run that fuckin thing to a nurse all pathetic, and then you **know** what would have happened after that._

Juniper would take my Pokemon.

_That's right._

I wouldn't have beaten that N without you. Or Lenora.

_No kidding. So instead of saying some dumb shit about how you'd be better off without me, maybe you should fuckin say **thank you** instead._

I'm sorry.

_See, that's better. Shit, you're lucky I can't ever stay mad at you._

For the moment, Thane supposed he was. Once his heart had slowed back down to a healthy pace, he asked, What did you say to my mother?

_What do you think I said? I told her you were taking your medicine like a good little boy, then made up some shit about being tired after a long day. Guess maybe that last bit wasn't a lie now that I got control. But, anyway, we said goodbye and hung up. She says she **loves** and **misses** you._

And then what did you say?

_Didn't say shit. Just hung that thing up and put it in your backpack. Now I'm workin on that fuckin hole for you._

How deep is it?

_A fuckin dimple. Pretty much the same as when you left it. I haven't had much time to... The fuck?_

What?

_Just a second, that fuckin Patrat just came out. Shit, I don't know how you put up with this goddamn thing._

What's happening?

_See for yourself._

And it occurred to Thane that he was actually able to see. His eyes blinked and, from them, his gaze landed on the Pokemon standing beside him, tugging on his jacket. She was almost completely obscured by the darkness, and the only things Thane could see clearly were the thin yellow strips in her eyes, appearing to reflect the light in a way that didn't make sense, being that there wasn't any light to reflect in the first place.

From her mouth came quick, desperate sounds. He could tell that she was making motions by the way her eyes bobbed up and down and the padding sound of her moving feet. The voice wasn't doing a great job of calming her down, and Thane didn't know if he'd be able to help, because she seemed to ignore everything that the voice said. And if the _voice_ couldn't convince Two to stop, Thane didn't know how _he_ was supposed to.

"Don't tell me you're hungry," the voice said, and Two just pulled on his jacket harder while continuing to yammer.

"Keep pulling my jacket like that and you're going to loosen the seams. Cotton plants take a lot out of the soil, so it'd be too bad if I had to go buy another."

She evidently didn't care about topsoil degradation, though, because she just kept pulling, and the voice set one of Thane's hands on her head. Her ears shot back, but she didn't shy away from it in favor of persisting to urge him towards wherever it was she wanted him to go. Back to the city?

I think she's worried about Three, Thane said.

_How the fuck could you know that?_

I don't know. Last time she did this, that N said she was worried about me.

"Is this about Three?"

The strips of yellow moved up and down. A nod.

"You want me to take her to a Pokemon Center?"

Another nod, more hurried.

"Did you hear what I said to Four?"

And this time the nod was tentative. The voice took this in and Thane could feel it processing for a moment, but it didn't take long before it'd calculated a response.

"I... Look, I can't lie to you. What I said to Four wasn't completely true. I couldn't bring myself to say it then, but by the time I'd found him, Three'd already gone into the fourth stage of shock..." As opposed to smiling, the voice pasted a frown on Thane's face and shook his head. "It's too late. There's nothing we can do."

Two kept tugging, so it rubbed her head and then picked her up. She squirmed, didn't want to let go of Thane's jacket, but when the voice gently shushed her, she looked up and released it.

"I know how you feel about Three. I'm torn up about it, too. See, the thing is... I know what it's like to go into shock. I've seen it a ton of times, and I've even _been_ in it once or twice." Granted, Thane thought, it was almost always psychological as opposed to physiological, but he supposed that it didn't matter. "I know that Three isn't going to make it through this, and it's my fault. I should have been more careful. I'm _never_ going to make that same mistake again, believe me. Unfortunately, I learned my lesson too late for Three... But to try and make up for it, I want to do him one last favor."

The Patrat squeaked. She dangled in the air, and her fur was stiff and bristling against Thane's hands. Did most people give Pokemon baths? It had never occurred to him before, but it seemed that Two could use one. He was pretty sure that his favorite Fallarbor soap company had a product designed for Pokemon. His mother wouldn't mind buying it.

"I need to make this easy for him. See, if we go to the nurse, she'll take him in, and he'll be suffering for hours, if not days. Right now, the best thing to do is help him along so he doesn't have to go through all that." The voice paused. "Do you know what happens after a Pokemon dies?"

Two didn't seem to want to move, but she did eventually shake her head, so the voice continued.

"They go up to this great place in the sky. Some people call it Heaven, some people call it Arceus's Garden, some call it Mew's Playground... Everyone agrees that it's a paradise, though. Endless flower fields and bushels of berries that never run low. Fountains always flowing with whatever you want to drink. Beds made out of clouds and snow that doesn't make your hands hurt from the cold. After a person or a Pokemon dies, they get to go straight there. Or, the _good_ ones do anyway, but we both know how good Three was, so he'll _definitely_ make it in."

The voice sighed. "If I were to take Three to the doctor, he'd be surrounded by strangers and in such _horrible_ pain that he'd _wish_ he was dead by the time it was over... There's nothing I'd like more than to go to the nurse, but since I know he's not going to make it, I just can't bring myself to do something so _cruel_ and _selfish_."

The yellow strips disappeared behind eyelids, and Thane felt something wet drop onto his hand. Two trembled, and he supposed it shouldn't have surprised him that Pokemon could cry. After all, he'd seen it before, hadn't he? Back when the Alak--

But he wasn't going to think about that.

As his brain rebelled and attempted to follow the thought regardless, he tried forcing it away by imagining himself in a forest, lush and green with sunlight filtering through leaves and that thick humidity against his skin. The illusion was broken when he realized just how _stupid_ that was, because he was _already_ in a forest, and even were he not, a forest wasn't a strong enough levee to hold back the waves of memories he knew were flooding toward him, anyway.

All he could do was take higher ground and close his eyes, and maybe he could focus on the anger because if he did that he wouldn't have to _think_ , and _thinking_ would inevitably lead to--

In a panic, he said the first thing that came to him.

PLEASE.

_Please what?_

I don't know. _Anything_. Kill her. Or let me do it.

_Look, I don't think killing all your Pokemon's a good fuckin idea._

I don't care.

_Can't say I don't like the attitude, but you need to fuckin cool it. I'd like to snap her neck too, but I got a feeling your other Pokemon wouldn't be too happy. You think that fuckin Metapod story's gonna work on a Sawk?_

I--

_We'll take care of it, but you need to **wait**._

The voice was right, and Thane knew it, but even as he tried to force himself calm, he could still feel everything coming at him. It was like when that N looked into him, except it was _sharper_ somehow; it was more like a scalpel than a storm and, even _without_ the surgeon to guide it, he knew that it would still cut him all the same once it got too close.

So he tried to get out of its way as best he could and said, Then _hurry_. 

The voice turned its attention back towards Two. "I know how you feel. I feel bad about it, too. Heck, it's my _fault_. I probably feel _worse_ , but I've got to set things right."

Two opened her eyes, quivering and staring upwards.

"Shit, I probably shouldn't even be asking you this, but... Do you think you could do Three a huge favor and help me dig? I... I know it's not fair to you, so you can say no, I just thought that maybe since it was _you_ , you'd understand and not want him to be in pain anymore, either." The voice set Two back down on the ground and gave her a forced smile, then found the trowel and began digging again. "The faster I'm done with the hole, the sooner he can be up in that paradise in the sky, sniffing roses and, I don't know, drinking milkshakes."

Two watched for a moment, dead quiet and unmoving, until she wiped her eyes and then brought herself over to where the voice was. It was hard to see what she was doing, but apparently the voice's efforts had been worth it, because waves of dirt were soon spewing up from the earth.

The voice sputtered as dirt flew into Thane's mouth, and it did its best to wipe it out of Thane's eyes as it backed out of the Patrat's range. The spray was as violent as it was unrelenting, so there wasn't anything that it could do but stand back and wait for her to finish, listening to the sounds of her grunting and panting and, of course, crying again. Once she finally stopped, the voice had to reach in to pull her out of the hole, and when it lowered itself down into it, it went all the way up past Thane's hips.

The voice smiled at the sniffling Patrat. "Thank you. I'm sorry for putting you through this, but I know Three appreciates it." 

Two made a low sound in the back of her throat, and her teeth clattered, but it wasn't quite a click.

"I don't want you to see this next part, though, okay?"

And the yellow strips in the Patrat's eyes nodded one last time, so the voice took out her Pokeball and recalled her back into it, then reached for Thane's backpack, where it deposited all of the Pokeballs other than Three's. Control eased back into Thane's hands as he zipped it up tight, and then knelt down in the hole. He didn't think it was a good idea to let any of them watch; from what he gathered, he was supposed to look sorry, and it seemed the closest expression he could manage was a grimace.

Near the bottom the hole got to be rather narrow, but it was still wide enough that Thane was able to crouch with some amount of success, his forehead pressed against a wet, crumbling wall of soil. He released Three from his Pokeball, his hand shooting over the Purrloin's mouth to stifle his shuddering gasps. Three struggled for breath around Thane's hand, warm and convulsing under him, but no more sound left him, so Thane took his father's switchblade from his pocket.

As a child, he remembered it being heavy, but now as it lay resting in his palm, it was practically weightless. Thane would have preferred not to dirty it, but there wasn't anything else around him both quick and noiseless. He told himself to remember to buy something else in the next city, but the implications had him halting. And, finally, it dawned on him what he was about to do. The realization brought the bitter taste he'd just barely noticed hiding under the earthiness of the dirt in his mouth to the forefront, and his heart hammered. 

_This is wrong_ , a part of him said.

Even so, he flipped open the switchblade. 

_He was supposed to be befriending Pokemon, not killing them._

Even so, he brought the blade down to rest against Three's neck. His hand shook as he struggled to withdraw it, but that pulsing _life_ was so hard to resist.

Killing Three wouldn't make him happy. He knew that. It could only undo _years_ of therapy.

 _But_ , he thought as he clenched his eyes shut. _Even so..._

He forced himself to think of the legal ramifications. What if someone found out he'd killed again? They'd lock him up, he didn't know for how long, but for a lot longer than ten years; people weren't as nice to teenagers as they were to six-year-olds. As opposed to institutions, which really weren't as bad as people made them out to be, this time there was a good chance that he could end up locked in a prison. 

This had him paling, and he hurried to pull the knife away. He couldn't do this. He needed to be _good_ , because he _couldn't_ go to jail. He couldn't survive another cage. Maybe if he really tried, he'd be able to convince professor Juniper that it was an accident, and even if she took away his Pokemon, at least he wouldn't be in _jail_.

The voice said, _What are you waiting for?_

This is wrong. We could go to prison.

_Damn it, I thought we were done with this shit._

As he shook his head, muddy clods loosened and fell from the wall of soil it was pressed against. I'm sorry, he said. I can't. I _can't_.

_Aren't you the one always going on about wanting to be happy?_

I'm not going to be happy in _jail_.

_Then it's a good thing you're not fucking **going** to jail. Just kill the goddamn thing. **It's right there.**_

Someone will find out.

_**No one will find out.** _

Maybe if we just try to explain it, if _you_ try to explain it, professor Juniper will believe us.

_She won't._

How--

_**She won't.** _

But maybe we should try anyway. She said we should call if we needed help, and she let us have a Snivy, so maybe she's not that bad. And _I can't go to jail._

_Listen to me._

I--

_**Listen**. You're not fuckin thinking straight. First of all, not one fuckin person is about to believe it wasn't us that broke that fucker. Doesn't matter who explains it. You think your mommy would believe you, but even **she's** not that fuckin dumb. Second, what do you think would happen if you went to see that Juniper bitch, anyway, that she'd just take your Pokemon and tell you to get lost? Don't make me fuckin laugh. She'd go to the fuckin police and you'd have to deal with them anyway._

But--

_**Third** , you're talking about turning yourself in **for no fucking reason**. No one's gonna find Three, and even if they **did** , how the fuck would they know he was yours? You haven't even taken him to a fucking Pokemon Center. There's no fuckin record anywhere that he even **exists**. If you went to a nurse now, she might not even fuckin believe he's yours. So excuse me if I'm not about to buy into some fuckin **bullshit** about how it'd somehow be **safer** to turn ourselves in, even though we **both** know that killing is the best fuckin option, the **only** fuckin option, for you. Fuckin **ridiculous** is what it is._

Thane opened his eyes and said, But... I would be regressing. I'd lose all my progress...

_Shit, you **still** don't get it? This is **part** of your progress._

He tried to hesitate before asking, How?

_From the beginning, this hasn't been about wanting to **kill** , it's been about **saving our fuckin asses**. How long do you think you've been arguing with me about this dumb shit?_

But I still _want_ to...

_Of course you do. What I'm trying to fuckin say is that's **irrelevant**. If it was just a matter of kill or don't kill, you wouldn't have done it, right? The **only** reason we're doing this is because we don't have any other fuckin choice._

Thane let out a shaky breath, and as he paused, the voice's words echoed in his mind. There was a part of him that pulled back, tried to fight back against them, even managed to say, _you should talk to your psychiatrist first_ , but it came too late, because the rest of him had already embraced the words by then. And that small part of him was swallowed up by another, more voracious, thought.

 _The voice is right_.

It was inconsequential how good it felt, because he wasn't killing for the feeling it brought. He didn't have a choice and, besides, it would only be once, and no one would ever find out. It would almost be like it never happened in the first place; Purrloin were practically disposable, anyway.

So, at the voice's suggestion, Thane forced his head lower, closer to Three, and whispered, "Say hi to Arceus for me, that motherfucker." And then there was a high, short noise followed by the nostalgic, gurgling sigh of a severed trachea, and _it was done._

_He'd done it._

Three was gone. Erased. _Eradicated_. Everything that he'd ever been and would ever be was irreversibly shattered, and he would never wake again. He would never move, would never breathe, would never feel again. He would never eat or shit or piss or cry or _bleed_ again. And he would never get to battle again, would never get to grow, would never get to _evolve_. This planted a thought, rich and stunning, into Thane's head, and he was filled with its sweet radiance.

_Three never even got to evolve._

_So much wasted potential._

And that it was wasted by Thane's hand left his body tingling. It seemed he could feel every follicle of hair in his head, could feel every thread making up the clothes against his skin, along with the energetic buzzing every cell in his body, from those composing his corneas to his cuticles, coming together and harmonizing into his one single, _flawless_ being.

And it was such a _relief_ to know that in spite of everything he was finally _healing_ , because there was no way he could have felt so _great_ if he wasn't doing _something_ right.

He wasn't _happy_ , of course, but he'd known from the beginning that this wasn't something that brought happiness. It was a flushing of all of those undesirable emotions that were always so eager to take up the emptiness left in the wake of what was missing, and in their place he was filled with _power_ , which he hadn't felt in _so_ long. Now that it was washing over him, he thought it had to have been the closest thing to happiness there was. It was better than a forest. It was better than sneaking off with a desperate sex addict. It was better than the endorphins that rushed out when he overexerted himself. It was more of a release than talking about his feelings or art therapy, and more relaxing than the whistling music and flowery aromas they used to sooth him sometimes when the therapy got to be too hard.

He eased his hand off of the Purrloin's mouth and stood up, stretching his arms and opening his mouth for a laugh he felt tickling his chest, but it never came so he just let out a long breath. And to be perfectly honest, it _still_ didn't feel quite as good as he recalled, but it hadn't lost any of that _rightness_ he remembered so fondly. _This_ was it. _This_ was the way it was supposed to be.

 _They_ were Thane, and no one could change what _they_ were, because _they_ were perfection. _They were unstoppable._

And the voice sounded just as raw as Thane felt as it said, _You know, now that I think about it, no one'd probably notice if a Patrat disappeared anyway._

But as Thane reached for his backpack, his hand landed on something smooth and yielding. He was able to recognize it as high-quality leather before it retreated from his hand, and his eyes shot up, but it was still too dark to see anything. The voice that then came was unfamiliar, masculine and smarmy and loud enough that Thane jumped.

"Well, _that_ wasn't very nice."


	12. Interlude 1

_Vivian is a bitch._

It had become something of a mantra for Johnny, and although he hardly went more than a few days without thinking it, it never felt any less gratifying when it entered his head. It was like stepping out of a packed club and into a crisp October night, or a cool glass of water on a hot day, and it was comforting as he trudged through the Nacrene City Museum, attempting to expel the semblance of someone who wasn't struggling just to stay _conscious_.

_What a bitch._

It wasn't that she'd said it that bothered him; Johnny knew it wasn't her decision to send him back out. It the _way_ she'd said it that got to him, somehow managing to sound even more callous than last week, when she'd pulled their waiter aside and informed him that, since it was such a special occasion, she was going to have _another_ bottle of wine. Your best stuff. Just put it on the boss's tab. Because god knew the bastard forgave a pretty face easier than he let on.

She'd told Johnny, voice thick with her patented sardonic compassion, "Sorry, lover boy. I know you had a long night, but so did everyone else, and you're the only one with _close_ to half a brain within Nacrene."

The brain comment, while perhaps uncalled for, he didn't really care about; it was kind of cute, actually, like a Magikarp that'd just learned tackle and thought that made it a Gyarados. It was pretty damn dismissive to call what he'd had a _long night_ , though. A glance at his watch told him it was noon, which meant that he'd now been working fourteen hours straight, with little more than a few cups of coffee for fuel. Johnny knew that he ran better on empty than most did on a full tank, but he swore woman must have been trying to kill him, sending him to the _Nacrene City Museum_ of all places. Even with a full night's sleep he might have had trouble staying awake.

In an attempt to keep his eyes from drooping, Johnny looked over one of the displays.

_An ancient round stone that was buried in the desert._

Confusion was more rousing than nothing, so he guessed that it helped, but he couldn't silence the thought, _what the hell is something like this doing in a museum?_ Sure, he'd admit the rock was kind of pretty but, from what he remembered of his elementary school geology class, all stones were ancient by _definition_ , and he wasn't about to question the quality of Pewter City's geologists.

But Johnny was a professional, whatever the hell that meant, so he did his best to appear interested anyway. Oh, a bone, how _fascinating_. Wow, a fossil? You _definitely_ couldn't find those in shit-filled caves where _he_ was from. And how could you miss that skeleton in the middle of the room? Was that a _Dragonite_? Well by golly, he never would have guessed they had _bones_.

Johnny'd probably looked at everything three times already, but he still had no idea what Team Plasma could have possibly wanted with any of the junk. Other than the cuneiform tablets in the corner, he couldn't see a single thing worth enough to steal from a Gym Leader, and even _those_ were only good for whatever you could get peddling them to maniac collectors. Last he'd heard Plasma wasn't exactly low on funds, so that seemed pretty unlikely.

_Unless, of course, they're out to smite Humbaba_ , he thought, mouth cracking into a wry grin. Hell, they already had Enkidu; all they needed was a Gilgamesh and they were set. And maybe a Shamhat would help, too, but whores weren't hard to come by, even in Unova. It wasn't the stupidest thing he'd ever heard a criminal organization try to do. There were some people in Hoenn who'd won themselves that prize, if the stories he heard were correct. And, if he wasn't mistaken, they'd even made use of cuneiform derivatives in their _brilliant_ schemes.

But this was getting him nowhere, and especially not where he wanted to be. Johnny was just about to call Vivian up to tell her that her informant must have lied, literally ten seconds from walking out the door, when a flash of green caught in the corner of his eye, and when he looked over, there was the High King Enkidu himself. And just like that, there went any hope of getting some sleep before the end of the day. It took every bit of tact and then some to restrain himself from either staring or turning away. Johnny instead looked to an approaching girl, cute but a little young, bright-eyed with a wide forehead. 

She walked up to His Royal Majesty, caught his attention away from the Dragonite skeleton (how _mystifying_ ), and said, "Hey, I recognize you! From Accumula Town? You had the Purrloin, right?"

He watched out of the corner of his eye as N looked at her, rattled with surprise, and then nodded. "And you were... Bianca?"

"Yeah! Um... N? Is that right?" When he gave her another nod, she let out a breath, a goofy grin spreading across her face. "Phew! I'm not great with names, so I was thinking, that's gotta be wrong. Your name's really N, huh?"

"Well, it's not my full name."

"What's the rest of it?"

The smile that had grown on his face weakened as he hesitated. "I'd prefer it if you just called me N."

Bianca only shrugged. "If you say so. How's your Purrloin doing, by the way?"

"He's a lot better now."

"That's great! Sorry I couldn't stick around for longer. My, um, Oshawott ran off, and..."

N lifted his hand to his mouth to stifle a chuckle. "He's certainly full of energy, isn't he?"

"Maybe _too much_ energy. Professor Juniper wasn't kidding when she said they were a handful! But Cheren always says the same thing about me, so I guess maybe we're perfect together." She gazed up at the Dragonite display and, although it was challenging, Johnny managed to neither gag nor roll his eyes as she continued. "And the others, too... It's silly since we just got to know each other, but I already can't imagine how things would be without my Munny and Lillipup and Pansear and everyone."

She let out a short sigh, then flushed as she looked back to N. "B-but, I guess it's also pretty silly to be telling you all of this, since we've only met twice and all, and we've only been talking for like thirty seconds or something. Jeez, Bianca..."

N shook his head. "I don't think it's silly; I enjoy talking about Pokemon."

"Well who _doesn't_? Still, though." Her face paused mid-fall, only to brighten back up again. "Oh, hey, you were doing the Gym Challenge too, right? If you're here, you must have gotten the badge back in Striaton, huh?

"Yes, we managed to."

"Congratulations! Did you face Cilan? I hear he's the strongest of the three... I just barely got by!"

"No, I think I fought Cress... Strange, he told me the same thing."

"What?"

"That he was the strongest brother."

"No way!" Out of the corner of his eye, Johnny thought he could see her shoulders fell. "He _said_ that? Then which one's the strongest?!"

N stifled another chuckle. "I don't know."

"Ah well, whatever. Did you fight Lenora yet?"

"No, I probably will sometime today, but now seemed like a bad time."

"Why, was someone in there already? It wasn't Cheren, was it? You know, black hair, glasses, grumpy face."

"Uh. No." N paused, eyes wandering. "No one was there, it just... didn't really seem like a good time to me."

"Ohh, weird. Anyway, I just fought her today, and guess what?" She didn't give him time to respond. "I won! Can you believe it? It was _so_ close, but my Munny pulled through, just like always. Oh, oh! And my Dewott evolved! Or, wait, no. I mean, my Oshawott evolved into a Dewott!"

"O-oh, really? That's nice. I mean, congratulations."

And then Bianca was off in another direction. "Right! I meant to ask earlier, but how's your Purrloin?"

"You did ask that. He's doing better."

"No, not like _that_. I mean, you haven't been pushing him too hard again, have you?"

"Excuse me?"

She put her hands on her hips. "Don't give me that look, Mr. Battled-With-His-Purrloin-Until-It-Broke-A-Rib. We're _Trainers_ now, which means we're responsible for our Pokemon's well-being. And since they can't talk, we have to pay _extra_ close attention to how they're feeling. They're our friends and partners, so you can't just go around treating them like tools, and you definitely can't go into a battle so gung-ho about winning that you forget what's most important." She paused, flustered. "I-I mean, most of that I took from what Professor Juniper's always saying, but it's all true, you know!"

N just stared at her for a moment, lips parted, as if at a loss for words. "I think you have the wrong impression of me," he managed at last.

Bianca opened her mouth to speak, but her words were swallowed by the noise of a door bursting open as seven people swarmed into the building, all adorned in the iconic Team Plasma uniforms. Their Patrats stood at their heels, hypnotizing the security and anyone that came too close, while their Sandiles rushed forward at everyone else, snapping their teeth and herding them into against the walls.

And Johnny relished in the thought, _it's about damn time._

The right pocket of his blazer rustled, and the tiny yellow face hiding inside of it stared eagerly up at him. Fluffers was always up for a battle, wasn't he? But they needed to stay undercover for now, so Johnny reached in to give the Joltik a comforting stroke, settling him down, and allowed himself to be rounded up with the others in the room. It was hard to make himself look intimidated by a few Sandile, but he was a professional, so he swallowed his pride. After all, even N was backing away, retreating into the crowd with Bianca clinging to his sleeve, petrified.

Johnny resisted the urge to laugh. _You'd think the poor girl's never seen a robbery before._

For whatever reason, the Plasma members not focusing on keeping the people in control continued forward to the Dragonite bones. Johnny wondered briefly if he'd made some mistake in identifying them, but he knew a Dragonite when he saw one, and unless they had some kind of Unovan brother with the exact same body structure, there was nothing else it could've been. And the closest Unova got was Druddigon from what he'd seen.

Doors burst open once again, but this time they were coming from the other side of the building, and Johnny looked over to see Lenora powering down the stairs from the library, her husband following after her like the disappointing punch line to a joke that wasn't funny. The Plasma members cursed and hurried to block her path, giving her some kind of warning regarding their organization, but most of their words were overwhelmed by the roar of the crowd. In any case, Lenora seemed far from intimidated, so as she started forward, one hurried to throw a smoke bomb. It exploded with a sound around half as loud as a gunshot, light flashing as gunpowder incinerated and filled the building with a blindingly-thick, ashen smog.

Johnny coughed through it, eyes watering, and the itch on his face told him that Dee was doing her best to hold her breath. He needed to get out quickly because, unlike him, she wasn't at liberty to choke. Thankfully, with the Sandile out of sight, everyone who'd been pushed back against the wall took the opportunity to rush out of the building, stampeding him, N, and Bianca out along with them. As a result, by the time Lenora had managed to push her way out, the Plasma members were nowhere in sight, and she grit her teeth as she tossed her head in every direction for a hint of them.

Her eyes locked on the girl, and she said, "Bianca. Were you in there?"

She flinched, held onto N's sleeve tighter, and nodded. "Y-yes. I'm sorry I didn't do anything to stop them, I was just..."

Lenora shook her head. "No, no, that's fine. I couldn't do anything, either." She motioned towards N. "And who's this?"

"A trainer I met in Accumula Town. He likes to be called N instead of his full name." Bianca looked at N, then grew more flustered as she finally seemed to realize she'd been holding onto him the entire time. She hurried to bring her hands back to her sides. "Um, h-he's got a Purrloin and a Trio Badge and--"

A familiar voice cut in before she could continue. "Good day, Lenora. Find any good fossils lately?" A glance over revealed Burgh, hand raised to greet Lenora as he approached.

Lenora visibly relaxed, and by the time Burgh had stopped in front of her, she was smiling. "This is a surprise visit! Are you suffering from artist's block again?"

Burgh looked over N and Bianca with half-lidded eyes as he said, "Eh, just looking for a change of pace." He shrugged. "Seems pretty hectic around here. What's up?"

"What's up?" she scoffed. "Someone just walked away with an exhibit, that's _what's up_."

Burgh laughed once through his nose, but his expression was hardly amused. "You don't say."

"Your timing is really excellent. You, Bianca, and N are going to do me a favor. I expect there aren't any objections?"

Burgh raised a brow. "And I suppose you'd listen if there were?"

" _You_ don't have a choice. I'm asking Bianca and N."

N looked hesitant, but Bianca was nice enough to answer for him. "Of course not! We'll do anything to help, right?"

N forced a smile. "Of course."

"Great. Then let's split up. N, I want you to stay here at the museum. Burgh and Bianca, you two search Pinwheel Forest. Got it?"

Bianca straightened. "Got it!"

"Burgh may not look like it, but he's Castelia City's Gym Leader. He knows the forest well, so you should follow his lead. I'll head for Route 3. Any questions?"

Burgh shook his head. "I think we're clear."

"Call me if you find anything," Lenora said, and then she was bounding off towards Route 3, nearly knocking some kid out of her way as she ran. The kid frowned at her, readjusted the glasses on his face, and then proceeded to walk to the girl.

"Bianca, what's going on here?" he asked.

"They stole the skull!" Her answer was emphatic, but only seemed to induce weariness in the boy.

" _What_ are you talking about?"

Burgh cut in. "I'm sorry, you were...?"

"Cheren. I was coming to ask Lenora a question about the TM she gave me, but... I guess that'll have to wait."

"In the mean time, would you mind helping us round up some robbers? Your friend and I were just about to search Pinwheel Forest, but it's a pretty big place, so we could use the extra help."

His frown deepened. "I'm sure I'd be happy to assist if I knew what was going on."

"Uh-huh." Burgh looked towards the forest. "Well, we should get a move on, then. I can explain along the way."

Cheren appeared dissatisfied with the answer, but with Bianca's urging he gave his assent, and then the three of them were off, Bianca glancing over and waving good-bye to N as she left. It wasn't until N walked into the museum with a sigh that Johnny allowed himself to relax, and he gave Dee a soft pat as his jaw unclenched.

"Sorry about all that smoke back there. You're getting better at holding your breath."

Dee didn't say anything, but instead responded by sending tingling vibrations across his skin. She knew better than to just start talking. And he couldn't really afford to be heard either, he realized, so he hurried into the trees and bushes behind the museum and took out his phone. When he dialed Vivian's number, it didn't ring more than a few seconds before she'd picked up, answering with a voice that more closely resembled a Primape's than a human's in its gruffness.

_"What?"_

"Hey there, Viv. How's it going?"

_"Do you have anything for me or not?"_

She was such a doll. Johnny struggled to keep up his tone light. "My, _someone's_ in a bad mood. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were forced to work fourteen hours straight."

_"Cute."_

"Thanks. To answer your question, I have some good news and some bad news."

_"Good news first."_

"So, not only did Plasma show up, but so did their high lord."

_"Do you mean N?"_

"The one and only."

There was the rustling of papers and something against the phone's speaker, so he leaned against a tree as he waited.

_"What were they after?"_

"Some Dragonite skull, apparently. Stupidest robbery I ever saw, but they did get out of there pretty damn fast, so I'll give them that."

_"What the hell could they want with a Dragonite skull?"_

"How should I know? Probably nothing. There's a good chance it's just a diversion to lure Lenora out while they go after whatever they really want... I looked around that entire place and there wasn't anything even remotely interesting, though. It's like the Rock Museum back in Pewter, except worse."

_"Quit bitching. Stay there and keep your eyes open for now. What's the bad news?"_

"Roger that." Johnny smiled. "Bad news is their Shamhat's not gonna last long, judging by how she handled that mugging. It's a real shame, since her and Enkidu are such a cute couple and all."

Vivian didn't respond, so he said, "You there, Viv?"

_"What the fuck are you talking about?"_

He feigned shock. "What, you haven't read _The Epic of Gilgamesh_?"

_"The Epic of what?"_

"Don't you stay in school until you're sixteen in Unova?" He tutted. "How come everyone I meet here is so gauche?"

_"I swear if you keep wasting my time with this shit I'm going to_ gauche _my foot straight up your ass."_

He could have laughed if he was in a better mood, but because he wasn't his voice went flat. "Uh huh, and I'd love to see you try. Anyway, Lenora told His Majesty to guard the museum, so I'd better go keep an eye on him. I'll call you when I get anything more. Give Tiny a big smooch for me, will you?"

With an extremely lady-like grunt and no good-bye, Vivian hung up.

_What a bitch._

But, yes, Johnny was a _professional_ , so he reached into his pocket to withdraw Robin's Pokeball, and when she was standing in front of him, he knelt down. "I'm gonna need you and Fluffers to get one of those uniformed guys for me. Do it without anyone seeing you."

Robin nodded, and Fluffers crawled out from Johnny's pocket, and then jumped from his knee onto the Smeargle's head. 

"Camouflage, thunder wave, electroweb, then teleport, in that order. Standard procedure. Remember to look for someone a little bigger this time; it takes longer when they're my size."

He hadn't even finished talking when Robin's fur began changing color to match her surroundings, and if it wasn't for Fluffers still on her head, he swore she'd be nearly invisible. Seemed like no one gave Smeargle the credit they deserved, but that was just as well. Surprise had always been Johnny's weapon of choice, so it wasn't anything he was about to whine about.

Robin and Fluffers made an excellent team. It couldn't have taken more than a few minutes for them to return, popping into place right beside him with some poor sap left convulsing from his Joltik's net. When the electricity relented he fell still, and although he was rather stiff, it wasn't too hard for Johnny to get his clothes off. After that, Johnny didn't have to give Robin the order for her to open her mouth and exhale a dusty cloud of spores onto the guy, who was smart enough to try not to inhale them, but there wasn't much he could do. Even if he wasn't just lying there, they were genuine imitation Parasect spores, strong enough that just a little skin contact meant parting with his consciousness.

Stripped down to his underwear and socks, the bastard never stood a chance.

Johnny pulled the man's clothes on over his own, not even bothering to take his shoes off, and then checked the laminate tucked into a breast pocket. _Tucker Stevens_ , was it? Well, it would do, he guessed, and he scooped Fluffers up from his place on Robin's head. The Smeargle looked up at him, body tense as she faded back into her original coloring and waited for his order.

He laughed. "You did great. Relax."

And she did, shoulders dropping and jaw unclenching. His smile widened as he scratched behind her ears, and she crooned before hurrying to quiet herself. He wasn't going to lie, he did have a bit of a soft spot for her. Unfortunately, he also had a job to do, so he ran a hand over his face.

"You got it, Dee, or do you need a closer look?"

She chirped in his ear, voice cheerful and affirmative, but loud enough to leave an annoying ringing in her wake, and he swore she did it on purpose. His girl could get jealous. Really, they all could, but she knew she didn't have to worry about him finding a replacement if he got too fed up with her. For some reason, despite all the years, Robin had yet to realize this, but that was just another one of her cute parts, he guessed. The only ones that had reason to be worried were Lila, Dana, and Smelly, and maybe Smiles if he didn't get out of his funk, but he really didn't have any intention of switching them out anytime soon, either.

"Good girl," he said, then reached down to give Robin one more pat before recalling her and walking into the museum.

\---

But nothing happened, and Johnny was not only severely disappointed, but bored out of his mind as N spent the following two hours wandering around the museum and looking claustrophobic. Even when Lenora came back with the Dragonite skull in hand, thanking him and telling him he was free to leave, N just walked into the library, where following would have been too conspicuous. With only two people in a quiet room, it was pretty easy to get noticed.

As luck would have it, though, it was one of those rare days where Vivian was feeling merciful, and shortly after Lenora returned for a second time with some wet-haired kid, his phone buzzed. He had to leave the building to answer it, but he caught it on the last ring, saying, "You miss me or something?"

_"Hardly. Matt's on his way over. His Vullaby evolved yesterday, so he volunteered to relieve you."_

"He had a Vullaby?"

She ignored him. _"He's flying over now, says he should be there within an hour."_

"Beautiful. How will I know when he's here?"

_"Just keep your eye on the door. You remember his Herdier?"_

The thing was missing half an ear and had the mangiest fur he'd ever seen; Matt even tried grooming it once, but it hardly made a difference. "How could I forget?"

_"He's gonna send him in for a second, then you wait a few minutes and meet him behind the building."_

"You got it. Anything else?"

_"Not unless you have more information for me."_

"Nope. Lenora came back with the skull, so His Majesty's just been poking around the library. I think he's probably planning on challenging the Gym... That thing we heard about him getting the Trio Badge was true, by the way."

_"How do you know that?"_

"Heard it while he was chatting some girl up. Shamhat, remember?"

Johnny could feel Vivian's eyes roll through the receiver. He opened his mouth to speak, but as he did so, N walked out of the building, and he fell quiet. The white coat he'd taken ensured that backing into the shadows didn't mean much, but his instincts had him doing it anyway, and he followed N with his eyes down the street.

It must have been unusual for him to go so long without talking, because Vivian asked, _"What's happening?"_

"Enkidu's on the move. Guess he didn't get that battle after all, or maybe just got stomped flat, judging by the look on his face. I'd better follow. If Matt's bringing his Herdier, he should be able to sniff me out."

_"I'll tell him about the change of plans. Don't let N out of your sight."_

"Aye aye, cap'n."

And, again, with no good-bye, she hung up. He supposed this time he'd let it go, since she had to hurry and call Matt and all, but really, Vivian was just no fun.

The lab coat wasn't going to do him any favors now that he was out of the museum, though, so Johnny stripped himself of it and tossed it in the nearest dumpster, minus the laminate. It was unlikely that he'd need it again, but he wasn't a fortuneteller, and there was no reason not to keep it. He would have been lying to say he didn't feel a little bad about leaving Tucker naked and unconscious in the forest, though; Johnny'd been intending on returning his clothes, but he just didn't have the time anymore. _Sorry, Tucker._

He followed N at a distance, entering the Pokemon Center behind him, and he handed Smelly's Pokeball over to the nurse so she could look him over. Stunfisk weren't everywhere, but the only other Unovan Pokemon he had in a ball at the moment was Smiles, and if he pulled a Hydreigon out of nowhere, chances were that someone was going to notice. So he settled down on a couch in the waiting area and pulled out a magazine from the rack next to him. _Fall Flavors_. It felt like it was just spring yesterday, but he guessed that August was nearing its end, so it wasn't inappropriate to start getting ready for autumn. After all, he always _had_ prided himself on his cooking.

Not that any of that mattered anyway, since the magazine wasn't more than a cover. N was sitting on the other side of the room, frowning with his eyes cast on the ground. He must have taken his loss pretty hard, because it took a few calls of his name before the nurse was able to catch his attention away from his thoughts, and His Majesty hurried over to get his Pokemon. When the nurse handed N his Pokeballs, she gave him a stern look. His Timburr was going to be fine, she told him, but it was the second time in two weeks he'd come in to heal a Pokemon with broken bones, and if he wasn't more careful it was going to start showing up on his record.

Even with Dee pinching his face to try and distract him, it was hard for Johnny to keep himself from laughing. It was just too funny, and that conflicted look on N's face, relief battling against his frustration, only made it more difficult for Johnny to contain himself.

He managed to keep his expression flat as N turned and sat back down on the couch, though, where he continued to just look at the ground and think. Occasionally he would take out a Pokeball and stare into it, and even though Johnny was informed enough to know N was probably talking to whatever Pokemon was in there, seeing it was still unsettling. So when a man came in with the ugliest Herdier he'd ever seen in his life, he was more than a little relieved, and was out of the Pokemon Center just as soon as he got Smelly back.

\---

Johnny didn't have time for more than five hours of sleep, but it was just enough to make him feel like he was alive again, and he found that a bit of sleep went a lot further when he had a Wigglytuff singing in his ear. Ma'am was a godsend. He didn't know how he ever got along without her, or Miles, either, for that matter. Sure, he could get on Johnny's nerves, but he was always nice enough to teleport her over whenever Johnny needed a nap, and that was more than enough to make up for it.

"I'll be heading for base now," he said. "Can't be wasting too much more time here." Saying so was unnecessary, since Miles was always digging in his head for whatever information he wanted anyway, but he didn't feel right leaving it unsaid.

_We'll be waiting for you there_ , the Gardevoir said, straight into his mind, and Johnny laughed.

"I'd be pretty damn surprised if you weren't."

Miles frowned at him, but didn't say anything as Ma'am rushed forward to tackle Johnny's leg with a hug. As he teetered on his heels, she looked up at him, begging him to stay with those huge eyes of hers but, as much as he'd have loved to sleep in a little bit longer, he just didn't have the time. "Sorry, Ma'am, I've got to hit the road. I'd stick around if I could but you know how it goes."

_I could always teleport you back_ , Miles suggested, but Johnny shook his head.

"If it were just me I'd take you up on it, but altogether you'd have to teleport fourteen plus yourself, and even if six are in their balls, I don't want to make you do all that." Miles didn't seem all that happy with his answer. Honestly, the Gardevoir always got so worked up whenever he had to travel. "Look, I've got Bradley and Smiles with me in case I run into any trouble, and more than a few tricks up my sleeves besides them. It's only to Castelia, so it shouldn't take more than a few hours anyway. What's the worst that could happen?"

_Please don't say that. Whenever you say that, something bad happens._

He shrugged as he began pulling on his shoes. "I guess that depends on your definition of bad. In this line of work, you can't expect everything'll always go smooth, but I can take care of myself. And I swear, if you don't stop doting on me, I'm gonna start calling you Kangaskhan."

Miles's eyes narrowed. _You wouldn't dare._

"You sure about that? I'll bet you Thundergut and Lightningbutt thought the same thing."

_That was different._

"How so?"

Miles crossed his arms with a scoff. _Well, they deserved it._

"And what makes you so sure you don't?"

_It's one of the perks of being psychic._

Johnny frowned. "Reading my thoughts is cheating."

_This from a man who caries twelve Pokemon._

"I've seen some people with more."

_You're lying._

He sighed, smoothing out his blazer and checking the pockets. "I hate arguing with you." From his left pocket he pulled out Dee, and she smiled up at him, stretching out and melting into the folds of his hand. She knew the drill, and as Johnny lifted her up to his face, she reached out to wrap around it, her body transforming from a shapeless pink mass into a thin, concealing layer of skin. Johnny didn't even bother glancing in the mirror anymore.

"Look, I'm going and that's that. I'll see both of you later tonight," he said, but when he got to the door he paused, looking back over his shoulder. "One more thing. I think I found a buyer, so tell Stan to start warming up the spores for me. I'm gonna want to start cooking as soon as I get back."

Johnny could sense Miles's disapproval, but they'd had this conversation before and he didn't want to have it again, so he just shrugged it off.

Ma'am stared at him with those giant, glistening eyes, and he really wished that she wouldn't, because it was just so hard to leave her behind when she did that. But there weren't enough Wigglytuff in Unova for him to bring her along, and he already had a full team, so he just said, "Come on, Ma'am, don't look so down. I'll see you in just a few hours, I promise. It probably won't even take that long."

Although she bobbed her head, she didn't look any happier. _Poor girl_. There wasn't anything to do about it, though, so he just nodded once more at Miles and left before Ma'am could attach herself to his leg again. Once he was on the streets of Nacrene, he turned to head towards Pinwheel; it was the fastest way to Castellia, and probably his best bet at finding a car. By the time Johnny'd reached the forest's edge, the sun had nearly disappeared behind the rows of trees, and their shadows merged together to drape the sidewalk in dimness. He was just about to step into the forest when shrill cry caught his curiosity.


	13. Commencement pt. 1

Johnny followed the kid. He didn't make it easy, winding through woods in the dark as naturally as a Zubat or something, but few people could shake Johnny's tailings, especially when they were clueless he was tailing them. Johnny was just too damn good at what he did. He could have kissed himself. Luckily, he'd had the foresight to send Fluffers up on the boy's back before he'd lost sight of him, and he was now following the rope of webbing the Joltik'd left behind. It used to be that he'd have Bradley help him out in operations like this one, but after he went and evolved he got way too big. Johnny wasn't going to make the same mistake with Fluffers. _Maybe those dumbass bug catchers back near Viridian had the right idea._

As he got close enough to hear the kid talking, he slowed and did his best to keep quiet even as he nearly ran into every godforsaken tree in the forest, and then ducked behind what might have been a bush once he saw the faint yellow glow that could only have been Fluffers's fur. Not that the kid probably would have been able to see him from two feet away. Even so, Johnny waited there until he heard him drop down into the hole he'd had that poor, sweet Pokemon of his dig, and didn't come out until he heard telltale muffled hyperventilation.

_Manipulative asshole._

But Johnny was hardly a saint himself, and he made sure to prove it as he did absolutely nothing to help the Purrloin he knew was about to get butchered. He wasn't fond of charity work and, even were he, there was a good chance that the Purrloin wouldn't have made a full recovery. It probably wouldn't have died or gone into a coma like the kid kept advertising, but who knew if it'd be able to walk again after all that. Johnny'd always thought a cripple sadder than a corpse.

Fluffers hurried back up his leg and into his right pocket as he approached the edge of the hole and, when Johnny reached in to give him a few strokes, he could feel the Joltik's heart pounding through his fur. Although Johnny's Pokemon were irrefutably tougher than most, excluding the ones he'd had back in Kanto, of course, he'd never had to harden them to killing. The only exception was Miles. He did what needed to be done when shit hit the fan. It always put him in the foulest mood afterward, though; said killing people was harder for psychics, and he didn't elaborate, but he didn't need to.

Johnny was definitely glad he wasn't a psychic, because it meant he had no reason to feel guilty listening to the Purrloin's final breath. But, then again, if he _had_ been a psychic, he might have been able to predict the kid's hand coming out at him, or at the very least have been able to think of a better reaction than jumping and pulling his shoe back. It announced that he was there just about as well as shouting might have, so he guessed the jig was up. It wasn't like he'd been planning on letting the kid walk off, anyway. The boss would've murdered him if he found out. Cold blood.

So Johnny said the first thing that popped into his head.

"Well, _that_ wasn't very nice."

The kid didn't respond, though, so Johnny took out his cell phone to get a little light. Maybe it set him off, or maybe Johnny just had good timing, because as soon as his cell phone illuminated that sunken, dirt-covered face, it was rising out of the hole and lunging at him. And the kid's bloody knife was more than enough to get Spooks popping out of the ground, his hands grabbing the kid's legs from behind and bringing him tumbling down.

Darkness gathered around the Gengar, and Johnny nearly dropped his phone in his haste to say, "Shit, don't kill, hypnotize!" Spooks glanced at him and tilted his head, but the darkness dispersed as he flipped the kid over instead. The asshole had some fight in him, though, and as soon as he saw Spooks his knife was plunging through him. When that didn't garner more than a wince, the kid shot up and actually _bit_ the Pokemon, which caused Spooks to howl and try to pull him away by the hair. Even then, it took until Johnny'd kicked him in the back of the head before he let go.

"Gengar are poison-type, dumbass! You wanna die?" he hissed, but the kid ignored him in favor of continuing to struggle, so he stepped on the wrist holding the knife and nodded to Spooks. "Do it."

And even though the kid was surprisingly good at fending off the hypnosis, he'd lost as soon as the Gengar gazed into his eyes. When the thrashing subsided and the asshole finally went limp, Spooks took the opportunity to spit on him, rubbing his shoulder where he'd been bit before looking up at Johnny with a scowl.

"I know, I know," he said, sighing. "Do me a favor and don't tell Miles about this; you know how he gets."

Spooks gave him an absent nod and drifted over, then motioned back to the kid. The Gengar held his hands up and made a breaking motion with them, then gave Johnny a questioning look, and Johnny chuckled through his nose.

"I'm taking him back to headquarters with me. He's kind of interesting, don't you think?" The look Spooks gave him seemed to indicate that he didn't, so Johnny just shrugged. "Eh, say what you will. The boss's always going on about how we need new recruits; maybe if I bring him in he'll get off my ass about it for a while."

Johnny tilted his cell phone to illuminate a pile of dirt. "Worst comes to worst, we could always use another fall man. Anyway, we're gonna need to fill in this hole. You think you and Robin can handle it by yourselves?"

Spooks's mouth hung open at this and his tongue rolled out of it until it hit the ground, and although his shocked expression captured masterfully just how _unreasonable_ he thought the order was, all he received for his efforts was another laugh.

"Well, I'd have Smelly help, but you two would just end up fighting about something. But I'll tell you what. You and Robin get that hole filled in, and I'll let you snack on that kid's dreams on the way back. How's that sound?"

It would seem that the prospect of dreams was enough to entice Spooks, because he darted over to a mound of soil without another word. After releasing Robin and telling her what to do, Johnny shined the light down at his shoe with a frown. It was just as bloodied as would be expected, so he took a step forward to wipe it off on the kid's jacket. Hopefully when they got back it would all come off. It'd been less than a month since he'd bought them, and they hadn't come cheap.

Once Robin and Spooks had finished up, he had Robin drag the boy back to the path. He'd told her to be gentle, but after she'd seen the kid come after him, he was lucky she wasn't _actively_ trying to hurt him. Besides, if the kid woke up a little sore, it was the least of his concerns.

And Spooks sulked the entire trip back.

\---

Most of the children in the institutions Thane had been sent to were now little more than faceless, human-shaped smudges of memories in his mind. Part of this, of course, had to do with the medications they'd juggled him on and off of, and part of it was that there were just so many, usually only staying for month or two, but mostly it was because he rarely felt anything towards them at all, positive or negative. It was precisely for this last reason that Thane still tended to struggle with names. In fact, he was already forgetting those of the boy, either Cheren or Charon, he couldn't remember, and the girl with the hat, whose name he was sure started with B. Thinking about it would have turned up the name Beatrice, which he would have decided sounded about right.

In any case, there were very few children whose names he could still remember but, of them, _Zeke_ was the one he did best. He'd been at the first institute that Thane was sent to, and was the ringleader of a circle of bullies that liked to pester the new kids. It wasn't usually more malicious than a bit of teasing or the acquisition of extra dessert but, whenever it went further, Zeke was always the one spurring it on. Thane kept to himself for the most part, so he hadn't actually interacted with Zeke more than a few times, but he'd been such a pain to deal with that Thane didn't think he'd ever forget the boy's name.

The man driving the car when he woke up reminded Thane of Zeke. It was his voice and smile, both practically _oozing_ , that did it more than his appearance; Zeke had been pretty tall for his age, and his body was built thick and wide in anticipation of the muscles that would undoubtedly come with puberty. Supposing Zeke was still alive and not locked in a mental institution, he was probably pretty good at sports. The man in front of him was built much differently. He was neither fat nor thin, neither tall nor short. Other than his face, adorned with a large nose and a full, exaggerated red mustache, everything about him from the length of his hair to his semi-formal grey suit looked entirely average, the extent to which it was hard for Thane to tell immediately if they'd met before or not. Had they not looked so dissimilar, he would have assumed it was Zeke sitting in the driver's seat.

"Ah, looks like someone's awake," the man said as he noticed him.

And as soon as he had, a pair of red eyes appeared in front of Thane. He panicked as the world fell away, because he'd been hypnotized enough times in his life to know when it was happening to him, and he tried to look away. The eyes followed him as he turned his head, though, and they sucked him in until everything around them disappeared. Past the chill of the air conditioner blowing against his skin, he could feel the heat of the blazing dream he'd just escaped threatening to consume him again, so he fought it, and he avoided closing his eyes, because it was already too late and, if he did, he'd just be forced back to sleep.

Distantly, he heard words intermittent with the bouncing twang of Solacean-style guitar on the radio. They came to him as if they were muffled by a thin wall, and Thane struggled to make sense of them. "Spooks, back off. I want to talk to him for a little bit. I've got a taser if he tries anything." 

The pair of eyes disappeared, but without them everything around was dark, and he still felt so tired. Thane couldn't tell if his eyes were open or closed, and he sunk back down into his seat until a searing pain bloomed across his face, knocking him down and over the middle compartment of the car. He placed a hand to his cheek and, when he looked up, he saw a Gengar snickering, then drifting down to melt into the shadows at Thane's feet.

"Sorry about that," the man said, voice significantly younger than his moustache suggested. "I told Spooks to wake you up, but it looks like he's still kinda sore about that bite earlier." 

Thane just stared at the man with his hand on his throbbing cheek, and his pulse quickened as his returning consciousness brought back with it memories of what had happened before he'd been knocked out. Three was gone. Thane had killed him, and it had felt _good_ , but the power was as fleeting as always, and being knocked unconscious _twice_ by the man who'd caught him do it was certainly enough to strip him of it all, plus more. As opposed to power, Thane could only feel a building nausea, whether from the panic or the dread or that awful _leathery_ smell all around him, and an astringent blanket of pain. Every muscle in his body felt sore, and his arms and back must have been littered with bruises but, most of all, the base of his skull where he'd been kicked _pounded_ , and every heartbeat seemed to aggravate it, leaving him sicker by the second.

The man, oblivious, laughed. "What's with those eyes? You look like you just saw a ghost or something."

Thane was pretty sure that was supposed to be a joke, so he didn't answer the question, instead just dropping his hand from his cheek to run his fingers over his arms. He held in winces as he found the soft spots; there were _definitely_ some bruises, and more than a few. Significantly more, Thane observed with mounting dread, than before he'd passed out the first time.

His eyes found the door handle, but didn't linger for more than a second before he averted them; even if there wasn't a lot of traffic, the streetlights flashed by so quickly that trying to force an escape seemed like it would hardly have been less painful for it. Thane really didn't want to jump out of a moving vehicle unless he absolutely needed to. So he instead willed himself a different kind of courageous, managing to piece together a question with a voice so diminutive it wasn't more than a croak as it left his mouth. "Where are you taking me?"

"I could tell you, but that'd ruin all the fun. What's the point of having a top-secret base if you go around telling people about it?"

Thane hadn't known what to expect but, whatever he'd been anticipating, it had certainly been far from that. "What?"

And even he could read the phoniness in the following sigh. "See? I've gone and said too much already. Just forget about it, okay? We're not going anywhere. It's just a fun little drive around town."

A drive around town, especially given the circumstances, seemed like just about the _least_ fun thing imaginable, so he guessed that was also supposed to be a joke. "You're, um..." He paused, clearing his throat. "You're not bringing me to the police?"

"If I was, you'd already be there by now." The man smirked at Thane, eyes black and _oily_ , and although Thane supposed what he said must have been true, he was neither put at ease or knew how to respond appropriately. Expressing gratitude felt like the wrong thing to do, and he didn't want to regardless.

"Why?"

The man glanced over. "Why what?"

"Why aren't you going to the police?"

"Heh. Wouldn't you like to know? I could tell you, but I don't really want to."

It was like being across from Zeke again, and the feeling was so surreal that he couldn't help asking, "Who are you?"

"You're _awfully_ demanding. Tell you what, you tell me your name, and I'll tell you mine."

Thane should have expected that, but for some reason the question caught him off guard, and he nearly gave his real name before stopping himself.

"Z-Zeke," he said, as it was the name most readily available to him, but the man just laughed.

"Zeke, huh? Nice to meet you, Zeke. My name's Lucario."

Thane's frown hardly had room to grow, but managed to. "I know what a Lucario is."

"Congratulations."

When Thane, frustrated and again unsure if this was supposed to be another joke, didn't respond, the man continued. "Look, you don't trust me and I don't know if I can trust you yet. That's probably not going to fix itself during this car ride, so for now let's just forget about things like names and destinations."

He hesitated. "Then what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Heard that bit, did you? I just want to get to know you a little better. Nothing real specific, just some things about your character and what not."

That had Thane's hand shooting to the door handle faster than just about anything else could have. He thought he'd rather risk some abrasions and broken bones than answer whatever questions would undoubtedly follow catching him kill a Purrloin. But as his skin met the metal of the handle, electricity crackled hot through it and into him, and he let out a strangled cry as his jaw and legs convulsed with it. He was powerless to stop the rest of his body from seizing up in reflex, and it seemed that it took ages before the sear of the metal was enough to spontaneously force his hand from it.

Finally cut off from the current, Thane trembled and gasped for the breath his scream had forced from him, and he wrapped his arms around himself to try and calm his shaking. He should have been angry or upset, but all he could feel was confused and _petrified_. Even the realization that he had no way out, that he was _trapped_ , was slowed by the roiling terror that left him temporarily unable to register anything but irony taste in his mouth.

The man spoke. "Sorry about that. Would've warned you if I knew you were about to run. Maybe you shouldn't do that again, though; I set my taser to stun earlier, but things happen, you know." He shrugged, and Thane just stared at him with wide eyes, trying wonder if that was meant as a threat or a joke. "Don't look so upset. I promise that felt better than jumping out of a moving car. Anyway, back to what we were talking about before. I was thinking maybe since you haven't got any reason to trust me, we could make it into something like a game. You answer one of my questions, I answer one of yours. That sounds fair, doesn't it?"

But Thane wasn't ready to respond yet. He was incapable of anything beyond staring, hands clenching his forearms and teeth clattering whenever he unclenched his jaw.

The man was undaunted by his persistent silence.

"I'm just going to take that as a yes. So, first question. Let's start with something simple, I guess. How old are you?"

The answer came to Thane without him having to think about it, and it gave him direction. He didn't know what else to do but to answer, so he eventually found it in himself to swallow through the blood and thick bile coating the back of his throat. He swallowed twice more before attempting a response. "S-si-i... I-I'm, u-um..."

"Huh?" The man's moustache quivered as he frowned. "What'd you say?"

"S-s-six..." The acids in his stomach churned and he clamped his mouth shut against them.

The man sighed. "That lying thing was cute the first time, but it's going to get old really fast."

"N-no," Thane said once his nausea had subsided enough that speaking no longer seemed hazardous. "I-I'm, um. U-uh, sixt-tee-een."

"Oh, sixteen, was it? I could see that. I guess you're just starting out as a trainer, then. You got a question for me?"

Thane didn't say anything.

"No? There's no rollover. You had so many questions before. I figured you'd be quick to lay one on me."

He tried to force himself to think up something, but all that came from his mouth was, "Wh-why?"

"Sorry, you're gonna have to be more specific."

Thane knew that, but trying to think was getting him just as far as it usually seemed to in these situations, so he instead refocused his efforts on pulling himself back together. He inhaled deeply as he closed his eyes, held it in for a few seconds, and then let it out. He did this several more times, counting the repetitions in his head as he imagined the dew-misted leaves of Illex Forest brushing past his face as he climbed a tree. By the time he got to the top, he could see everything around him illuminated by a magenta sunrise, and the effect was calming enough that Thane, eyes still closed, managed to then ask, "Why are you... t-taking me, um, s-somewhere?"

The reward for his efforts was unsatisfactory.

"Good question. Because I feel like it. Alright, my turn." Thane opened his eyes in time to see the man smirk. "Let's see. Which starter did you choose?"

"Wh-what?"

"I looked around in your pockets. Found a Pokedex, which means you got a starter from Juniper, right?"

Thane had just managed to stabilize himself and gravely doubted he could handle thinking about professor Juniper right then, so he tried to push thoughts of her from his mind. "Sn-Snivy."

"Snivy, when you could've had a Tepig?" The man shook his head. "I thought better of you, kid."

"I don't like fire."

"You don't seem to mind it when you're getting rid of evidence."

Thane didn't say anything. He didn't know what he could say to that. 

"Anyway, you got another question for me, or should I keep going?"

Thane had many, but the one that came to him the most readily was, "Have we, um, met before?"

The man's cheeky grin somehow widened, and he leaned back in his seat. "Ah, the classic. No, we've never met, not the once. You ever seen anyone with a mustache like mine?"

"No."

"That's what I thought. Now, how do you--"

Thane interrupted him. "I-it's not your turn to ask a question."

He frowned. "You think I'm lying? We've never met, kid."

"You asked me a question after that and I answered."

The man paused to consider this, and then nodded with a laugh. "Guess you're right. I'll have to be more careful with you."

If anything, Thane wished that he would be a little bit less careful, but he couldn't say that. He tried to think up a question.

"Why aren't you angry about the, um..."

"No need to be cautious. Why don't I care that you did your Purrloin in?"

Thane tried not to wince, but was only half-successful. "Y-yeah."

"Well, for one thing, I never knew it." He shrugged. "And I'm not really one to judge, anyway."

"What--"

"Ah-ah. It's _my_ turn now. What I'd been planning on asking you was a bit silly, so I guess I'll just get to the point, since you went ahead and brought it up anyway."

Thane's heart somehow picked up and sunk at the same time.

The man looked him up and down before continuing. "Why'd you kill it, anyway? And don't try feeding me that _paradise in the sky_ bullshit."

"I-I, um." He tried to think of a good answer but, other than the heaven excuse the voice had given Two, he couldn't think of one, and he wasn't great at coming up with lies, anyway. "I have a record, s-so..."

The man's brows raised. "A record, you say? Do tell."

"I answered your question."

"Fine, so you did. You got one for me, then?"

"Why did you say you weren't one to, um..."

"Judge?" He looked to Thane, and Thane nodded. "Well, I guess you could say I made my name doing stuff I'm not proud of. Not that a lot of people know my name, or that I'm not proud of it."

Thane caught himself as another question tried to leave him. 

"So, about that record you were talking about..."

They were at an impasse as the man looked at him expectantly, and Thane just responded with a stare.

"Well?"

"You haven't asked me a question."

The man sighed. "You're gonna play like this, huh?" He paused. "That was rhetorical. It doesn't count if you answer. So let me put it this way, then. What have you done in the past to earn yourself a record?"

This was a question that Thane had really hoped would not get asked. "Um, I... Wh-when I was younger, I did the same thing that I, uh... did earlier."

"Killed a Purrloin?"

"Not, um." He stopped himself short. "Wh-what kinds of things have you done, that you aren't proud of?"

The man listened with his arms crossed, but it wasn't until he put his hands behind his head absently that Thane realized he wasn't steering the car any longer. All the cognitive function that had returned to him was thus wiped clean as Thane bolted upright, his mouth flapping soundlessly for a moment before he was able to force out, "Wheel! The c-car!"

The man glanced towards the steering wheel, and then back to Thane. His hands dropped down into his lap, and the corners of his mouth twitched downward, but when Thane looked back to him with wide, frantic eyes, he was unable to hold back a roar of laughter. And Thane paled, because he couldn't understand why the man was laughing, and the longer he laughed the better chance they had of crashing and he was trapped in a car and there was no way out and he'd never touched a steering wheel, so he didn't know if grabbing it would help or just make things worse, and there was nothing _funny_ about the situation at all, and why didn't he just _stop laughing_ already because every pair of headlights that passed them was like a death sentence, and Thane _swore_ the car must have been swerving closer to the other lane because they were suddenly _so close_ and they were going to crash and _he was going to die in a car with someone even crazier than he was._

"You're pretty slow, aren't you?"

"Wh--"

"Don't worry about it. You want an answer to your question or not?" It seemed hardly relevant anymore, and Thane wanted to say so, but all he could manage was a squeak in the back of his throat as he stared out the windshield.

"That's better. Now, to answer your question, I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of, but I guess if I had to say the kinds of things they were, they'd be the illegal kind. So, my turn again. You said you did some killing you were younger. How young are we talking about here?"

"S-six. I was six. Pl-please, can you steer the car, please?"

"I can, but I don't want to. I guess that makes it my turn again. See, isn't this fun? Rhetorical again, don't answer. How many Pokemon did you off?"

"Th-the wheel. _Please_."

The man sighed and examined his nails. "But, gee, I'm just _so curious_ I can't be bothered to do something as boring as steering a _car_... Course, that might change if you answer the question."

"I don't know. I don't remember. Now--"

"Nice try. Even if you don't remember the exact number, I'm going to want an estimate."

Thane tried to hold in the answer, but being in a moving vehicle with no one steering it was too much for him, and the words practically erupted from his mouth. "Fifty. Or sixty. I don't know, I really can't remember. Pl- _please_."

The man whistled as he put his hands on the wheel, smirk plastered back onto his face. "Fifty or sixty, huh? Sounds like you were a pretty busy six-year-old. You killed any since then, other than the Purrloin?"

It was Thane's turn to ask a question, but the rest of his energy seemed to fade with his anxiety until he felt too tired to care, and he didn't see any harm in answering. The man already knew just about everything he'd been hoping to hide now, anyway. "That was the first time."

"And you only did it because of your record, not because you liked it or anything?"

"How much I liked it was inconsequential," Thane said, but the words no longer sounded convincing, even to him, and the man gave him a look that seemed to indicate he felt the same.

"Sorry, kid, I can't say buy that. But you've been pretty cooperative and skipped over your turn a couple times, so I'll do you a favor, how's that sound?"

Thane just looked at him. He didn't know how it was supposed to sound.

"You asked where we were going." The man smiled through his moustache, looking at Thane from the corner of his eye. "You ever heard of Team Rocket?"

And Thane opened his mouth for a response that wanted to come out at the very idea of the group, but it was swallowed and locked up behind a wall of nothing, and the nothing inflated against his skull, pushing and pushing and swirling together with his headache until he could barely think.

He managed to say, "I've heard of them."

"Good, that saves me some time; most Unovans don't have a clue."

Thane was too preoccupied losing the battle against the nothing in his head to correct the man.

"We're going to headquarters. Gonna see if we can't make you a member."

The statement brought with it even more nothing, the density of which surprised Thane, and he put a hand to his forehead. As he continued to weaken, he could feel the stirrings of the voice coming alive, but it didn't get a chance to fully emerge before red eyes were locked with his again, and this time he was too exhausted, mentally but also physically, to do anything about it. It had been a _long_ day, and he was completely powerless against the idea of a bit of rest. And it was almost comic in a way how so many things could have gone wrong in such a short amount of time because, if he thought about it, he was still supposed to be on _vacation_.

"Still," the man said, voice growing increasingly distant, "can't have you snooping around. The boss'd have my head. You just sleep tight and when you wake up, we..."

Thane was unable to comprehend any more words before he drifted off and left Spooks sulking for the second time that night.

He couldn't digest nightmares, after all.


	14. Commencement pt. 2

Thane, like most other four-year-olds, had held a highly monochrome sense of justice. Good Guys and Bad Guys were dichotomous, mutually exclusive categories with nothing separating them but a line. To pass over the line wasn't difficult, but to stand somewhere between the two would have been contrary to the intrinsic laws governing Right and Wrong, and although Thane was prototypical in the sense that he believed unflinchingly in the Goodness of his parents, he was perhaps a bit different from other four-year-olds in that he necessarily saw the malleability of his own position in the duality. His strive to obey his parents thus became his strive to maintain his status as a Good Guy, whereas to disobey would have driven him closer to Badness.

The man that came to his door had been, in a word, chilling. The color of his hair and eyes had both been the teal of a clear sky on a winter morning, and his thin-lipped sneer of a smile had been frosty enough that Thane was able to identify him as a Bad Guy even before he'd recognized the red R emblazoned on his chest. By then he'd already been taught how to read, but it mattered little, because he'd also been similar to most children throughout Kanto and Johto in that he learned R as a symbol first, rather than a letter. It stood as a visual indicator of a person's Badness, and was a message to children to stay away and hurry home. Literally, the R was meant to represent Team Rocket, but the children who were left ignorant of the group's connection with the R outnumbered those who weren't, and Thane had ranked among them as one yet to make the association.

His suit had been deceptively crisp and white. Thane remembered thinking that it hadn't looked like something that a Bad Guy should be wearing, and then concluding that it must have been to trick kids such as himself into thinking that he was actually Good. There was a pride that came with the fact that this hadn't fooled him, and he would boast about this to his mother for the following few weeks.

In that moment, though, Thane was frozen in place, motionless until the man knelt down and reached a hand out towards him. This had startled Thane into jerking away, but it was too little too late, and the man's hand caught him hard by the shoulder.

"I was looking to speak with your father," he'd said, squeezing tight enough that Thane whimpered. "Fetch him for me."

He stumbled back as he was pushed away, hand finding a sore shoulder and tears collecting in his eyes, and although the whisperings of fear compelled him to obey, he knew catering to Bad Guys was Bad by extension, and that saw him hesitating. He was still in the process of trying to decide what the best course of action would be when a Forretress appeared beside him in a flash of red. The sight of his father walking grim-faced through the hall as he turned back had filled him with conflicting relief and anxiety, because his father was known for beating up Bad Guys, but letting one into the house seemed like something that would get him in trouble.

"Get away from him," his father said, and although he hadn't been looking at Thane when he'd said it, Thane had been the only one to scramble backwards. The man just straightened himself, smoothing out his jacket on his ascent.

"Professor Hemlock," he said, smile growing in its wintriness, "This child is your spitting image. How peculiar I shouldn't remember you mentioning a son."

As his father reached the two of them, he stood beside his Forretress, and he still didn't look down at Thane even as he placed a hand on his head. "Go to your room."

The growl in his father's voice seemed to imply that he was in trouble, so Thane tried momentarily to argue that he'd just opened the door and had no way of knowing that there was a Bad Guy on the other side of it, but his father had cut him off with clenched teeth.

"Go. Now."

The urgency in his voice wasn't something that Thane had heard before, but it was still enough of a warning that Thane's complaints died before they found his mouth, and he practically ran down the hall to his room. He only hazarded a glance back once his hand landed on the doorknob, but icy eyes found his again, rendering him frozen for a second time. It had taken his father speaking, snatching the man's attention away from him, before Thane was able to thaw enough to open the door.

"You'd better have a _damn_ good reason for showing up here, Archer."

"Trust that I wouldn't have come all this way without one," Thane heard the man say as he closed the door behind him, obscuring the remainder of the conversation.

It took nearly two hours before his mother came in to tell him he could leave. She assured him that he'd done nothing wrong, but said his father wouldn't be joining them for dinner that night. When Thane asked her about the man at the door, she told him not to worry about it; yes, he was a Bad Guy, but Thane's father had taken care of it.

"Does that mean daddy beat him up?" he remembered asking.

His mother's smile had faltered as she answered, "Of course he did."

And it wasn't until much later, well after everything had happened and in the middle of a joint therapy session with his mother, that it occurred to him to ask why the man had shown up on their doorstep in the first place.

By then he could tell when she was lying.

\---

Thane's consciousness returned to him the following morning with the same abruptness that he was accustomed to. One second he was asleep, and the next he was sitting upright with his eyes wide open, panting and trembling and wiping off the sweat rolling down his face. And the dreams had been lingering lately, so despite his repeated whispers of, "I'm breathing," it still took several minutes before this convinced him he was alive.

It was only after he had comforted and dried himself sufficiently that he became aware of the room he woke up in. It wasn't bare, as he'd woken in a bed and there were other sparse furnishings lining the room besides it, but the walls were just wide enough, just white enough, just windowless enough, that for a moment he could only think he was in _The Room_ , and thus back in a hospital. The only evidence to the contrary was his backpack, filthy and resting in a chair at his bedside, and a mauve wave of blankets scattered as he grabbed for it. 

A beam of red shot out as soon as he'd loosened the zipper and, for perhaps the first time, he felt relief at the sight of Two, materializing on the bed before him. If Two was there, he couldn't have been back in a hospital; they wouldn't have let him back around a Pokemon unsupervised so soon after relapsing, not to mention an accomplice.

The relief didn't last long, though, because the epiphany that he had no idea where he'd been taken hit him soon afterward. If his memory could be trusted, the mustached man had claimed they were going to Team Rocket headquarters, but he was now lucid enough to know that couldn't have been anything but another joke he couldn't see the humor in; Team Rocket had long since been exterminated, and their headquarters had been in Kanto in any case.

Or had it been Johto?

Two interrupted his thoughts, chirping on the top of her lungs as she rushed from one side of the bed to the other, tracking dirt with every step. Her eyes scanned the room frantically before locking with Thane's, and she then began babbling at him, as if he were supposed to somehow understand. He inhaled sharply as the idea to _shut her up_ like he had Three greeted him, and she was so _grating_ that for a second it seemed like a very good idea and no one would notice if a Patrat disappeared anyway, but he quickly silenced the desire.

He wouldn't be killing anymore. It wouldn't make him happy, which was what he really wanted, he reminded himself, and he'd only killed Three as a means to get closer to that happiness.

So Thane instead searched for the vestiges of a patience he knew wasn't there, saying, "Two."

She looked at him and waited for him to continue, but he was suddenly made aware of how sticky and dry his throat was, and he had to swallow and clear it before the itchiness quelled enough to allow him to speak. "S-stop. Please."

Although she halted in place, it didn't seem that she quite understood the order he'd given her, because she proceeded to babble at him with that same beseeching look. Thane wetted his throat a bit more before saying, "Calm down. Please. And stop talking."

Her mouth opened, but she hesitated and then, thankfully, fell into an uneasy silence. And even though it took her longer than he would have liked to get there, Thane supposed he should try to praise her for doing as he'd asked, so he mumbled, "Thank you. G-good job." But for some reason, when he reached out to pat her, her eyes clouded with apprehension and something he couldn't recognize, and she withdrew from his hand.

Thane had been under the impression that Two usually liked to be touched, so he might have taken a moment to ponder the implications of her actions had his gaze not landed on his bare arm. He jumped, because somehow, despite living with them for ten years, the sight of his arms always managed to startle him, and he realized then that not only was he not wearing his jacket, but that none of the clothes he was wearing--a t-shirt and sweatpants, he couldn't tell as far as underwear went--belonged to him.

Someone had evidently bathed him while he was unconscious. Judging by the fact that his backpack had remained unopened, it didn't seem that the person who'd done it had thought to use any of his soaps, but what bothered him more was that they hadn't had the courtesy to cover his arms back up afterward. There weren't any environmental implications, of course, but one look at all of those rutted groves and eddied patches discoloring, crisscrossing, adorning his skin was enough to send his head spinning. In their intersections they mapped memories both remembered and yet-to-be-remembered, and the potency with which they spoke of that time between the fires was such that, for a moment, Thane could do nothing but stare.

Two followed his gaze and her own arms, held tense and half-extended, fell limp at her sides. She opened her mouth and closed it a few times before a sound left her, gentle and probably questioning, but by then Thane had begun digging in his backpack again. He ignored her in favor of pulling out his clothes and piling them on the bed, movements increasingly frantic until he found his last clean jacket tucked away at the very bottom. Once he'd slipped it on and thus concealed himself, he let out a long breath, closing his eyes to knot his brows together.

They opened again when Two tugged on his sleeve, and when he looked down at her she pointed to his arm, muttering hushed nonsense. And he thought with a certain weariness that it was nice that she was at least attempting to speak quietly, but hadn't he _just_ asked her to stop talking?

In the interest of friendship, he should probably have pretended he cared about what she was trying to say, but Thane lacked the endurance, so he pulled his sleeve away from her wordlessly and tried to think. Before he had time to ponder why everything felt so inevitable, though, he was interrupted yet again, this time by his stomach. He put a hand over it as it rumbled loudly, the sound bringing with it a burning hunger that made Thane instead wonder how long it had been since he'd had something to eat or drink.

As if to answer this unspoken question, Thane's stomach filled the room with another groan, and he held in a wince at it. "Looks like I'm hungry," he said, but as the only one who could hear him was Two, saying so felt inane.

He didn't want her thinking he was trying to start a conversation, so he pushed the blankets off of himself and swiveled out of bed, jolting as his feet met cold, white tile. After picking out a pair of socks from the mess he'd made, he slipped on his boots, lined up at the bottom of the chair his backpack had been resting on. A brief spell of hypoglycemic dizziness overcame him when he stood, and Two followed him off of the bed, grabbing Thane's leg to steady herself as she landed on a floor evidently more slippery than she'd been anticipating.

They were both in the midst of teetering when the door opened a crack to allow a pink face to peak through it. Two was quicker to react than Thane was, but even she wasn't fast enough to get to the door before it'd closed again. She skid to a halt in front of it right as Thane took his first step, and she was chattering again by the time he was trying the knob.

Locked, of course.

Being locked in a room wasn't something that Thane was unaccustomed to, but it must have been new for Two, because when she realized they were locked in she began pounding on the door, her voice growing even more shrill. Thane regarded her momentarily before walking to his backpack and withdrawing Five's Pokeball. A locked door would mean little to a Sawk.

"Two," he said, but his throat was still parched, so his voice came out weak. She didn't look over until he'd cleared it and repeated himself. "Move out of the way."

She was hesitant at first, but quick to back away when Five entered the room. The Sawk seemed to let out a sigh as he came into being, crossing his arms and glancing at the door before looking to Thane. His brow, still creased as it had been in the Gym, slowly disentangled itself, but his eyes stayed distant and hard with something that might have been anger. It was hard to be sure with Pokemon. Thane thought he would likely do well to apologize anyway, just in case.

"S-sorry. You probably, um." As Thane searched for a reason why the Sawk might be upset with him, his stomach again growled his answer. "You probably haven't eaten since, um. Yesterday morning."

With no clocks to give the time and no windows to show the position of the sun, he didn't have any way of knowing what time it was, or even what day, but he never slept for long, so he assumed it couldn't have been later than morning.

It didn't occur to him to check his Xtransceiver.

Five's brows restrung themselves.

"I-I know it's been a while, but the door, um. It's locked, and I don't have any food with me. So if you could do something about that, uh."

Five just stared at him, and Thane knew that he _must_ have understood, because he'd even used simple words, but The Sawk neither moved towards the door nor appeared any less upset by them.

Two scuttled a few steps closer to Five to say something. Perhaps translating, Thane mused, but that couldn't have been the case; Five had proven himself more intelligent than her on numerous occasions. He grunted a response to her, and she recoiled, tail bristling, but continued speaking regardless. Five cut her off, unfolding his arms, and Two's voice rose to a squeak before it caught in her throat. Thane watched them interact with something nearing curiosity but colored by impatience.

Once Five had finished whatever it was he had to say, his eyes returned to Thane, and he looked him up and down a single time before bridging the gap between them. This was unexpected enough that Thane was startled backwards, but Five caught the collar of his jacket in a three-fingered fist before he could retreat. A seam bit into Thane's neck as the Sawk pulled him down, and he was nearly on his knees before he was close enough to Five's level that they could stare at each other eye-to-eye. Humid breath frenzied his heart and tickled the skin on his face, and Thane's hand wrapped around Five's fist in an effort to remove it, but his grip was concrete, and minimal experimentation produced the realization that struggling could only ruin his jacket.

So, unable to do anything else, Thane stopped moving and looked into Five's eyes, and as he did so, Five began speaking again. He was slower this time, pointedly annunciating his words, but they still meant nothing to Thane. They stared at each other for a moment longer before the Sawk pushed him away, nearly knocking Thane over in the process. He then sighed a second time and walked to the door, foot serene as he lifted it and then brought it crashing into the door. By the time Thane had flinched, it had already flown off of its hinges and shot across the hall to collide with the door standing parallel to it.

Five looked back to Two, voice haughty as he said his final piece, and then stepped through the gaping doorframe.

Anger radiated in Thane's cheeks, and he did his best to quell it, but swallowing it down only left it burning in his stomach. He reminded himself that Five was his favorite, but this soothed the indignation little as he crammed his clothes once more into his backpack.


	15. Commencement pt. 3

The hallway, for lack of mauve blankets, gave an even whiter impression than the room had. The walls and doors were painted a mild eggshell, and both appeared just as budget-friendly as the white industrial tile covering the floor, inferior grade advertised by the dark scuffmarks streaking it. There had been enough industrial tile flooring in Thane's life that he'd become a fairly good judge of its quality and thus found that at his feet distasteful. All of these things contrasted the numbers on the doors almost comically, painted in a curvy, rich rosewood serif. Though he hadn't gotten to look at the number on the door Five had broken, Thane managed to extrapolate that his had been labeled 508.

There were no windows. Thane looked for them as he followed behind Five, hoping that he might get some clue as to the time, but the only thing that met his eyes were wide, labyrinthine halls. He glanced forward whenever Five stopped, either to sneeze or to look back at Two, who would motion in a direction for them to take, but otherwise tried to avoid the unhappy feelings associated with letting himself be led around by a Pokemon. By _his_ Pokemon. By the same Pokemon that had so recently--

_Disempowered you._

It was the first he'd heard of the voice since he'd woken up, and the suddenness of it made Thane jump. Somehow, the fact that he'd been startled seemed almost as infuriating as the voice's words and their purring superiority. The voice deflated as the coals remnant in the pit of Thane's stomach smoldered blindingly, wordless but wallowing in apologies even without them. The effect was rather calming, but Thane did his best not to reveal this, instead releasing a slow breath and saying, Where have you been?

_Here, obviously. Where the fuck else could I be?_

Why didn't you do anything?

_Huh?_

With Five, Thane said, and his eyes narrowed as they found the Sawk ahead of him.

_The fuck you expect me to do?_

I don't know. I don't _care_. You said this wouldn't happen anymore.

 _Don't know what the fuck you're talking about_ , the voice said, but changed its tone as this breathed new life onto Thane's cinders. _Look, all I said was that they wouldn't fuckin disobey you. And they haven't, have they? Not even when that fuckin N showed up. Never promised they wouldn't get pissed after we butchered one. Fuck, you're lucky that's all Five did._

Thane didn't feel lucky.

_Look, if you're really mad about this, we could always--_

Thane knew what the voice was going to say, and whether he cut it off with his disapproval or if his disapproval caused it to silence itself, Thane couldn't tell, but the voice waited a few seconds before saying, _Then you better fuckin get over it._

Thane knew that the voice was right, but he wasn't in a good enough mood to accept it. He tightened his frown and said, I don't know how.

_Same fuckin way you get over everything. Just don't fucking think about it._

That's not working.

_Well fuckin **make** it work. We don't have the fuckin time for you to make a fuckin scene. Have you forgotten where we are?_

I don't know where we are.

_That's what I'm saying. So just forget about that shit and focus on getting the fuck out._

Thane slowed to a shuffled as his frown became thoughtful. He watched Five turn a corner and then asked, Is forgetting how you cope with _your_ subjugation?

The anger that swelled then was sudden, inflating in his chest like a deep, suffocating breath of ash, and Thane halted in place as it hit him. And then all at once it left, just as sudden as it had come, almost too quick for Thane to identify that it hadn't been his.  
He asked, Are you angry?

There a spark, a lit fuse, but it was smothered just as quickly as the anger had been, and the voice said, _Course I am. When you're happy, I'm happy. When you're fuckin pissed, I'm fuckin pissed. That's how it's always been, remember?_

You didn't feel angry before, though.

_Well I was._

But you--

_God damn it, Thane, will you fuckin pay attention for **once** in your fuckin life? We can talk about our feelings **after** we get out of here, but right now we don't have the fuckin time._

That was hardly fair, and there was a part of Thane that wanted to argue, but the voice was right; this wasn't the place to do it. So he picked up his pace instead, doing his best to dispel the residual anger and the thought that _maybe_ breaking down the door hadn't been the best thing to do. While it was certainly a bit liberating that he was now able to escape locked white rooms, he couldn't imagine that the owner of the one he'd broken out of would be pleased with him. And to top it all off, he'd effectively killed a tree, as the door would inevitably require replacement.

The thought made him feel guilty enough that he didn't notice Five had stopped until he'd caught up with him. The Sawk glanced up as he approached, Two at his ankles. He was lingering in front of a set of metal doors, sleek with arrowed buttons to the left of them and, because he hadn't seen any since back in Goldenrod, it took a few seconds for Thane to recognize it as an elevator. There were two, with the buttons resting between them, and above the buttons a metal plate with the words Fifth Floor raised in cursive.

Five uncrossed his arms to motion at the doors and grunt something to Thane, and Thane didn't hesitate before responding with a snide, "I don't know what you want."

The Sawk wrinkled his brow, discontented, but he didn't press in favor of turning towards Two and grunting the same thing to her. She shook her head and mumbled, shrinking as Five responded sharply, then raising a tentative arm to point at the buttons. Her click was half-hearted, and it made the voice snicker.

_These shitheads are so dumb._

Thane looked away as his interest waned, eyes watering as he fought another sneeze. In their whiteness, the halls appeared nothing if not pristine, but perhaps because of their sheer width and emptiness they were laden with the smell of dust, and it had been tickling Thane's nose ever since they'd stepped out of the room. He was luckier than Two or Five, who were closer to the ground, but he couldn't bring himself to feel grateful. He dragged a hand over his nose to try and quell the sensation, but it didn't help much.

_Will you fuckin pay attention?_

Begrudgingly, Thane turned his head back toward the elevator. Five had evidently pushed the buttons, both of them, because the arrows were now glowing, and he doubted Two could reach them. The Sawk tensed as movement hummed behind the chrome, fists raised at his sides. He spoke tersely to Two, who seemed no more at ease, and Thane's dissatisfaction deepened; he didn't want to use an elevator if he could help it.

The voice was privy to his thoughts, and it groaned. _Just take the fuckin elevator._

I'd rather take the stairs.

_We don't know where the hell those are, remember? For all we know, there might not fuckin be any._

Of course there are. You can't have a building without stairs, it's a safety hazard. If there was a fire everyone would die.

_Oh my god, who cares? Just fuckin take the elevator._

No. It's a waste of electricity.

Thane was firm as he said this, so the voice just gave another groan before falling silent. Thane's satisfaction was brief, though, as a chime signaled the arrival of the descending elevator. Five peaked inside of the car once the doors had opened, still tense enough that when Two sneezed next to him he jumped. He glowered at her before taking a cautious step past the door.

"Um."

They both looked at Thane as he cleared his throat, made even drier by the dust.

"I think that we should, um. Find the stairs instead." When the only response he received was the two of them sharing a puzzled look, Two shrugging her shoulders, he continued. "I-it's healthier and better for the environment, so that's what we're doing."

He reminded himself that he should probably smile. "Please."

It would seem that Thane's stomach disagreed with this decision, though, because it growled in protest. He held it until it abated, and Five raised a brow before responding with a scoff. Thane felt himself begin to broil, so he took a deep breath to try and clear it away. It didn't work as well as he'd have liked, but enough that he could think to retrieve their Pokeballs. He recalled Five into his and stuck it in his backpack before zipping it up and then looked to Two.

"We're finding the stairs."

She looked away quickly as their eyes met, her ears shooting back, but she nodded, so it didn't occur to Thane that he should care. He slung on his backpack again and gave the elevator one last look before turning to continue in the direction they'd been walking before. Two followed him pensively, nose twitching, but stayed close. 

They'd turned a corner and meandered half-way through the next hall by the time a distant ding announced the arrival of the ascending elevator. Two jumped, but Thane didn't give it much thought until she tugged on his pants urgently. He paused and opened his mouth to tell her to stop, but caught himself short as he became aware of shuffling footsteps. It was a soft sound, no more than a muted swish of fabric, but it was the first sign since the pink face at the door that there was anyone else in the building, so it was enough to be startling.

The thought of confrontation had Thane's heart suddenly racing, and he looked down at Two as she gave him an inquiring chirp. And Thane _really_ wanted to bash her against the wall until she understood that this was _not_ the time to be making noise, but as the footsteps got closer he decided against it in favor of opening his mouth to croak out the word, "Run."

In the back of his head, the voice said, _You should've taken the fucking elevator._

Frustration bloomed as Two only responded with a stare and a twitch of her ear, making the urge to _do something_ seem all the more inviting, but he pushed it away. He retrieved her Pokeball from his jacket pocket and recalled her back into it in time to see the bobbing shadow of a person's head encroaching on the corner they'd just passed. Pokeball still clenched in his fist, Thane turned on his heel and took off down the hall before taking an arbitrary left. Hypoglycemic dizziness that had never quite waned left his tread clumsy, though, and he lost his balance mid-turn, the impact forcing a breathy groan from him.

Two's Pokeball clattered on the tile as he pushed himself back to his feet, and he didn't spare the time to either catch his breath or glance back before he was running again. His patella ached from the fall, but his legs carried him nearly to the next corner before something hit the back of his knee. His legs had been wobbly since he'd gotten out of bed and gave readily to the pressure, Pokeball flying out of his hand as his skin made an eloquent _squeak_ against the dusty tile. The whish of a Pokemon being released met Thane's grunt, and he attempted to blink the darkness out of his eyes, but for a moment all he could see was stars.

One of the more unfortunate aspects of trying to live off an unfamiliar forest was that it could be difficult to get enough calories at first. Thane's experience with forests was enough that this period of malnourishment didn't last more than a few days, but he'd just been getting accustomed to Pinwheel when he'd been dragged out, and a vegan breakfast wasn't nearly enough to sustain him for an entire day, let alone two.

As the stars gradually widened from pinpricks to spots, his eyes landed on a confused tussle of brown and yellow. It took a few more seconds before he was able to recognize Two rolling around with a bipedal Pokemon right around her size, teeth sunk into its scaly shoulder in a way that must have looked more painful than it actually was. The other Pokemon paid little attention to it and instead rammed its spindly fists into Two's stomach. She groaned but refused to let go until Thane finally found his voice.

"T-Two," he said, to which she responded with a short sound around her mouthful. Or, he supposed she could have been responding to the punches, but he continued regardless. "That's not working. Get some distance and confuse it instead."

She released the Pokemon to give him an affirmative chirp, but was cut off as a fist hit her square under the jaw. It knocked her backwards, stumbling, but she didn't get far before one of the Pokemon's legs swiped at her's, sending her tumbling down. As the Pokemon made to leap at her, Two's eyes shot open, expelling rays of light. The Pokemon was enveloped by them mid-fall, and by the time it landed on Two it was thoroughly baffled, struggling as she flipped them over but ultimately helpless. She hissed through her bared teeth as she attempted to pin it, but the sight only made Thane sigh.

"On its back," he said, and Two turned her eyes towards him to give a confused look. She really couldn't learn, could she? He cleared his throat. "You have to get on its back and pin its arms or it can still attack you."

Of course, if the Pokemon was electric-type, which its yellow, rubbery pants seemed to imply, it wouldn't matter much, but Thane could tell at least that it wasn't psychic. The Pokemon could have been fire-type, as its body vaguely resembled a Charmander's; it hadn't, thankfully, produced any fire, but that might only have been because they were in a building that didn't appear to have easily-accessible stairs.

Two did as Thane said, suffering only a glancing blow to the shoulder before the squirming Pokemon submitted, but her efforts were for nothing as it was met with a red beam and then swallowed by a Pokeball. Attached to the Pokeball was a person, a blond man, hazy-eyed with a stooping posture. He went so against any expectation that Thane had held of who he might see that, for a moment, he just stared. His hair was straight but unkempt, with jutting tangles and overgrown bangs, and he was dressed in lavender slippers and a fluffy robe over what might have been sweatpants.

The Pokeball disappeared into a pocket as the man lifted a hand to stifle a yawn. "Hey, sorry. When you bolted I thought you weren't supposed to be here," he said, but the sound of his voice had Thane tensing. "Calm down, I'm not going to do anything. Why're you running, anyway?"

Waning surprise and the man's casual tone made Thane pause and consider this for the first time. Why _had_ he been running?

"I, um." He hesitated as he tried to come up with an answer and couldn't. "I don't know."

_I could tell you why._

Please, not while I'm talking, Thane said.

_Oh, yes, of course. I beg you forgive my impudence._

The answer was sarcastic, but Thane thought it was just as well as long as the voice was quiet. Although it was easier to speak with the voice than with others, even holding one conversation was a struggle for Thane; he'd tried to juggle two, and it was just overwhelming.

"Well, it'd be great if you, you know, didn't anymore. And I'm just here to talk, so you can lower your weapon, too." The man raised his hands in mock surrender, but it looked just as half-hearted as the smile on his face, not spreading further than the corner of his lips.

"Weapon?"

He nodded towards Two, who had moved to stand just in front of Thane and was now looking between the two of them as they exchanged words and movements, and her ear twitched backward as his gaze landed on her. She grit her teeth and spread her arms at either side, but they trembled just as they always did. Thane bit back a sigh, because just having to look at her was somehow frustrating, and he took the Pokeball out of his jacket to recall her. She squeaked at the sight of it in his hand, gibberish flowing from her as she stared at him wide-eyed, but was cut off as a Pokeball sucked her in.

The Pokeball shook in his hand, as if she was trying to get out, but it had settled down by the time Thane placed it back in his pocket, and he took a deep, nerve-dispelling breath before speaking.

"I-I'd like to know where I am."

"Fifth floor, residential area. Just a couple turns from the elevators." The man paused. "Hey, was there something wrong with the elevator when you tried to use it earlier?"

"N-no. I-I mean, I don't, uh. I mean, where is this?"

"Sorry, anything more than fifth floor is confidential. Wouldn't want anyone digging us up."

That hadn't been the answer Thane had been looking for, either, and he wondered briefly which of the two of them was at fault for this. Thane couldn't think of a better way to ask for the information he wanted.

"But where _am_ I?"

The man raised a brow. "How much did Johnny tell you?"

Thane attempted a voice less frayed than he felt as he said, "Who is Johnny?"

_If you're getting tired, I can take over._

"What, he didn't tell you his name?"

"No." Thane paused. "Or, um."

Stop. Please.

_Does it even fuckin matter? You can barely get a word out even when I'm quiet._

Even so, Thane said, but was unsure what to follow it with.

_Don't know why you even try this shit without my help. It'd be so much fuckin easier if you just let me do it._

But if I always let you do it, I'll never get any better.

_I don't think this is the time to worry about getting some fuckin practice in._

The man's tone became morose. "I should have figured he'd make things as difficult as possible. How about we go to my office? I can explain things there."

I'll ask you for help if I need it, but right now I'm fine on my own, Thane said, but as he refocused his attention on the man in front of him, he found himself without a response.

_For fuck's sake, just say yes._

Thane frowned, but his hesitation was brief before he took the advice. "Yes. Please."


	16. Commencement pt. 4

"Oh yeah," the man said as they approached the elevators, offering a hand out to Thane. "They call me Polaris, by the way." It took Thane a moment to remember that he was meant to shake it, and they shared a limp, mutually unimpressive handshake.

"I'd prefer to use the stairs," Thane responded.

"Offices are on the fifteenth floor. I recommend the elevator." When this didn't appear to change Thane's mind, Polaris sighed. "But there aren't any stairs anyway, so it's not like you have an option."

"There aren't stairs?"

The man just shook his head as he pushed the down arrow. Thane ignored the voice's, _I **told** you to just take the fuckin elevator._

"Isn't that a fire hazard?" he asked, and as he said the words, he felt a wisp of panic coil around his heart. There were no stairs. If there was a fire, he would die again. But he chided to himself, no, not _again_ , because he hadn't ever _really_ died. Ghosts didn't breathe.

"Uh... Don't worry about it. I'll get someone else to expl--" He cut himself off with another yawn, the sixth since they'd met. "Explain the layout to you. Kylie or Francis or someone."

The chime of the elevator had the man stepping on, and Thane could only barely hold in a grimace at the expectant look passed onto him. He reminded himself that he didn't have a choice since there were no stairs, but had to push away the thought as it incited another flitter of panic.

He stepped past the doors and avoided looking at his reflection in the glistening metal, a hand going up to smooth out hair that he knew must have been unsightly while the other clung white-knuckled to the railing lining the walls. He hadn't used an elevator since he was young enough to be enamored by the missionaries outside of Goldenrod, but he remembered the trauma. As Thane prepared himself for the jolt of movement, the doors cut off his exit.

Polaris paused, finger hovering over the _15_ button.

"Oh, and maybe I should warn you. Our elevators are a little different from what you might be used to," he said, giving Thane had just enough time to wonder if this was a good or bad thing before everything was sucked away in a flash of light and then darkness, all faster than he could blink. And he was suddenly unable to see, unable to move, unable to _breathe_ , but just as the thought that he'd unwittingly found his end in a plummeting elevator crossed his mind, everything reappeared around him, snapping into focus with an abrupt clarity that made his head swim.

The reflection of Thane's face was one of gaunt terror, eyes wide and entire body tense, hair sticking out to exaggerate it in a way that was almost comic, so he did his best to level his expression once the thought that he should forced its way to his mind. 

"We've always been fond of teleportation. It's a pain to install, but saves a bunch of time." He shrugged. "Like I said, I'll get someone to explain later. You okay to walk? I guess it's a shock the first time."

Thane opened his mouth, but just nodded weakly in response, following Polaris out once the elevator opened to reveal a similarly wide, white hallway. It smelled more sterile than the fifth floor had, the faint aroma of lemon winning over the nose-tickling dustiness, and the way the doors lined the walls looked almost identical, too. The halls were less labyrinthine in their layout, but the only outstanding differences between the two floors were the placards labeling the rooms, set up next to doors that lacked the sweeping red numbers he'd seen before, and that the lights were brighter.

"T-teleport?" Thane managed to ask once his eyes stopped burning.

Polaris nodded. "It's kind of a Rocket tradition, ever since we invented mechanized teleportation, back in..." He trailed off, but shook his head after a moment of thought. "Wow, I'm getting old."

"Mechan... So it's not, um." The words died in Thane's throat, and for a moment Polaris waited for him to continue with raised brows. When Thane didn't, the corners of his lips teased upwards.

"Don't worry, it's all chips and wires. Much more reliable than a Pokemon, wouldn't you agree?"

Thane didn't respond, but his relief was visible.

\--

The two of them walked in relative silence, interrupted only by Thane's stomach, until they reached a dead end. Thane wondered briefly if they'd made a wrong turn, which wouldn't have surprised him given all the turns they'd taken, and he slowed as they approached the wall, but Polaris only continued walking. He barely had the time to consider speaking up before the man made contact with the wall. Thane startled, eyes widening, but his mouth closed in a frown as Polaris just phased through seamlessly.

The wall flickered and rippled briefly as it swallowed him, the white momentarily giving way to a silvery glint, but it seemed just as solid as before when Thane chanced approaching it. As he drew forward an experimental hand, he was met with what felt like open air, and couldn't help but marvel at the novelty as he stuck his arm through the wall, followed by his head and shoulder, and then the rest of him. 

Somewhere, his mind told him that he'd read about something like this before; he didn't remember what it was called, but that it was somewhat similar to the word hallucination.

 _Hologram_ , the voice said.

Oh, that's right. Thank you.

_You've got such a fuckin crapshoot memory._

On the other side, Polaris was unlocking a broad pair of doors, expansive and tall enough that they engulfed the entire wall that they were attached to. As opposed to eggshell, they were the same chrome as the elevator and were equipped crash bars, and the room they opened to was even more shockingly massive than they were. It was just barely narrower than a stadium, and appeared to stretch back just as far. In the center was a rectangle configuration of four oversized desks, a single wheeled chair standing between them, and ample room at the corners for a person to squeeze into or out of their center. Each one had at least two computers on it, varying greatly in their sleekness; some appeared as if they might have been purchased more than a decade ago, while their slim-monitored neighbors might have been bought within the week.

And surrounding them as they walked in were machines. They lined the walls with metal, plastic, and blinking lights, forcing up memories of labs belonging to the professors that had refused his mother and him before they came to Juniper. Oak's lab had contained a rather impressive amount of machines, but even that seemed to pale in comparison to the mass of technology whizzing and beeping around him. It didn't seem possible to him that they could all be necessary, and Thane tried not to think about how much electricity they were using or the waste the ecosystem had suffered for the coltan to make them.

Polaris walked behind his desk and flipped open one of the bulkier laptops. He scanned the screen for a moment, then closed it with another yawn and motioned to a chair for Thane to sit. "Hope you don't mind the heat. I try to keep it cool in here, but our air conditioners always go on the fritz when Miles gets back. If you get too uncomfortable, feel free to take off your jacket."

Thane took the seat offered to him as Polaris took the one behind the desks, black and worn, but comfortable-looking nonetheless. Thane's chair, on the other hand, was small and wooden, and seemed to have been designed to make the action of sitting as painful as possible. It was hard to avoid fidgeting, but Thane did manage to silence most of his restlessness as Polaris began talking again.

"So, Johnny gave me his version of what happened last night, but why don't you tell me yours, too? I like to think that I'm pretty good at picking up on his bullshit by now, but..." He shrugged. "Well, this way we can start on the same page at least."

"H-he, um. He trapped me in a c-car and asked me qu-questions." Thane thought it was probably safe to assume that Johnny was the man from the car. He did his best to remember what had happened without being pulled into the memories, allowing him to shake off the helplessness, but not stopping the stutter from returning to impede his words. "Then his, um, Gengar h-hypnotized me and I woke up here."

"Uh-huh. How'd you get in the car?"

"I-I think he put me in there. While I was, uh, hypnotized the first time. H-he hypnotized me twice." Thane paused. "O-or maybe three times. It's, um. Hard to r-recall exactly."

"And why'd he hypnotize you the first time?"

"I-I don't know. To put me in the car, I suppose."

Thane couldn't fathom the chuckle that earned him.

"That's a little different from the way Johnny tells it. I think he said something about a Purrloin and you coming at him with a knife..."

It was only an instant after Thane had stiffened that the voice whispered that he shouldn't, but it must have been enough because a feral expression flashed across Polaris's face just as briefly. It started in his eyes, transforming the irises from shaded dandelions to immaculate gold rings, but with the warmth of neither, then moved to his lips, thinning them into something that almost resembled a smile. White teeth flashed briefly before the edges of his lips twitched downward.

Thane found himself unable to come up with a response, but it was just as well, because Polaris continued on even without one.

"So, what'd Johnny tell you while you were in the car? I've never known him to be the silent type."

"Uh. H-he, um." The voice would have known exactly what to say but, being that Thane was still a bit upset with it, he fought the temptation to ask for help. "He said he was a criminal, and, uh. H-he joked about his name, a-and about T-Team Rocket."

Polaris leaned forward in his chair just enough to make Thane involuntarily scoot back in his. His expression faded back to a lazy average. "What kind of jokes?"

"B-bad ones. He said his name was Lucario."

"About Team Rocket."

Thane hesitated. "He said we were g-going to their headquarters, but..." 

"But?"

"But that's impossible." Thane frowned. "O-obviously."

"What if it wasn't?"

Irritation burned, and Thane's voice became jumpy with it. He'd only heard _that_ question a million times. "That's irrelevant."

Polaris just laughed through his nose.

"Can you tell me where I am now?"

"Team Rocket headquarters, Unova branch, fifteenth floor. Administrative offices."

A familiar chill ran through Thane and temporarily quelled the irritation, but he didn't have time to push it away before the irritation returned twofold. "That _isn't_ funny."

"I'm not joking, though."

"Team Rocket's been disbanded for nearly ten years."

Polaris nodded. "Yeah, in Johto, but this is Unova."

"Team Rocket didn't operate outside of--"

Polaris cut off Thane's accelerating stream of words with a groan. "It's way too early to have this conversation. Team Rocket is still around, and we're in Unova. That's how things are, like it or not. I really wish Johnny would've explained all this to you."

The only thing that Thane could think to respond with was, "I don't believe you."

And although he _didn't_ believe it, he was unable to manage an expression less than conflicted as it left his mouth. That Team Rocket was still around went contradictory common sense and years of therapy. They _couldn't_ be around anymore, and especially not on such a grand scale as the building that Thane had been wandering. It was _ridiculous_.

But he found himself thinking, _even so..._

It had always been difficult to swallow the fact that they'd been irrevocably vanquished; it went contrary to something similar to common sense, but deeper. It had taken until Thane was eleven for his psychiatrists to get the idea to finally stick, because there was just something about joining Team Rocket that felt so unshakably _intrinsic_...

It was that intrinsic inevitability that Thane was feeling now, and it wrapped around him like a blanket even as he tried to push it away. It warmed him and protected against the nothing that always pushed its way in whenever Team Rocket was brought up, fending off the logical thought while forcing more emotional ones. It fueled the, _I knew it_ , screaming through his head and fought against the part telling him that nothing good would come from joining Team Rocket. Both overshadowed the whisper that Team Rocket was gone, fading in their stead even as Thane grasped for it.

And the voice dove into the chaos.

_Enough of this practice shit. You're in way over your fuckin head, so just let me deal with it._

Thane was right on the verge of caving when Polaris responded to him.

"Would the name Jenny change your mind?" At Thane's bewildered glance, he continued. "No? Then how about Nelson?"

This name called forth a wave of nothing that sucked Thane's breath away, and everything bowed to it. His gasp resounded sharply in the clotting silence left behind, heart hammering like a drum in his ears. A star-shaped face appeared in the hollow. Long whiskers, fur tan and dreary like a paper bag, and those _eyes_ , squinty as they looked through him and into him then _ripped_ something away. Behind them were memories, long scarred-over but ready at his fingertips, and Thane felt them beaconing. The setting wasn't nearly controlled enough that he felt comfortable diving in, but they seemed too important to disregard. Especially if Team Rocket was still around.

But they couldn't be.

But they _had_ to be.

It was contradictory and hardly made sense. He'd thought years of living with himself would have made him accustomed to such things.

"How?"

The word seemed disconnected from him as it left his mouth; he paused and stood up to ensure he was still in control of himself, but the action just made him feel dizzy and he collapsed back into his chair.

"There's someone here who was pretty unhappy when he turned up dead. I think it's probably safe to think you had some hand in it... Oh, but don't worry. I don't rat people out unless I'm getting something from it."

Bright yellow bled into vision that had gone dark, and Thane found himself focusing on it. The man's words felt equally as distant as his own had been. They echoed for a senseless moment in the nothing before taking purchase, but Thane couldn't think of a response, and even the voice had disappeared. He strained to find it, apologetic, because it was right and of _course_ this was too much for Thane to do on his own. 

His breath caught in his throat as his efforts were met with a set of bars. They were the bars of between the fires, surrounding him and the cold ones that were _everywhere_ because the tearing took everything, and even when they were warm and still bled, they weren't really there. He was the only one left anymore. Not yet alone, but growing more so, or maybe less, or maybe he was just becoming less in general. 

And _maybe_ he was already nothing.

 _Maybe_ \--

The nothingness surged and all feelings but the unremitting terror fled. All thought ceased, and the yellow beacon his eyes focused on was more a color than a person.

His mouth said, "That's kind of you."

The discovery that he hadn't been breathing was paired with one that he still could, and despite the residual dustiness the air felt like something precious as it entered his lungs.

Tears were wiped from his face, blood dabbed from under his nose, and the expression he bore eased itself.

The yellow beacon stirred, and a voice came from it, weary but with the unmistakable weight of authority. "Feeling better?"

A snort. "Loads."

"So, uh. I guess that got through?"

"Yeah, just one thing." The beacon bobbed, and Thane's mouth continued. "That oath. How'd it go again? I can't remember for the life of me."

"Oath?" 

As the conversation entered Thane's head, continuous and ephemeral as streaming water, it helped restore the blanketing cloak of inevitability he'd nearly forgotten. It curled around him and silenced the nothing's aggressive smothering, somehow feeling corporeal despite its intangibility, and past it Thane could see words etched in light against the consuming darkness of his consciousness. But it wasn't really that he could _see_ them; his eyes were open and focused on yellow, so it was more accurate to say that he _felt_ them instead. 

_Steal Pokemon for profit. Exploit Pokemon for profit. All Pokemon exist for the glory of Team Rocket._

They burned, then cauterized with soothing efficiency.


	17. Commencement pt. 5

Thane had only ever met Archer twice that he could remember. The first time was when he'd requested Thane's father, and the second had been to speak with Ariana. The latter of the two fell between the fires, so it was sometimes difficult to piece things together, but he recalled the snowy suit and the overwhelmingly wintry smile. He recalled a dull realization as he recognized the R emblazoned on the man's chest for what it was, and then being surprised by the cold fear that broke up the nothing, because at the time he hadn't known it to be possible.

Just like before, he knelt down and put a hand on Thane's shoulder, but he didn't squeeze as hard the second time. Or, if he did, Thane hadn't noticed it over everything else he wasn't feeling. They gazed at each other for a moment before Archer said, "My condolences."

Wiping away the tears that fell hadn't seemed worth the effort, so Thane recalled standing rigid and letting them fall.

Archer's sneer deepened with a thinning of his lips before he glanced to Ariana and asked, "Shouldn't it be in the pile?"

He recalled Ariana's voice then, deep and smoky enough that it always seemed to linger in Thane's mind like a fog after she spoke. "You'd think. Its chart's right here if you want to look it over."

"Later. Have you seen Silver?"

"Not for the last couple days. Do you need him? I'm pretty sure Molly's got him right now..."

Archer's thumb dug into Thane's clavicle. He couldn't recall if it had hurt.

"She told me that you've had him since yesterday."

"Then she must be confused about something."

The air around Archer approached sub-zero.

"But I'll look into it, okay? Just as soon as I'm done here."

Something compelled Thane to speak then. His throat had been sore, and he'd needed to strain to make any noise at all, but he couldn't recall why.

"Someone said I can see my dad if I go to the pile," he said.

Archer's eyes swiveled back to him as another voice came, masculine with a nasally whine; it was one of the men who dressed like a scientist, but Thane had never been taught any of their names. "Hey, who told you that?"

"I don't..." He recalled his tongue going limp in his mouth for a moment. "I-I don't know."

The hand on Thane's shoulder moved up to his head, sitting on top of him like a lead weight. Archer asked, "What do you say we go to the pile and check, just the two of us?"

He hesitated. "I'm not allowed to go with strangers..."

He recalled surprise momentarily melting Archer's expression down to something nearing human, and his chuckle sounded less than glacial. When he stood, he used Thane's head as leverage, nearly making his knees buckle under him.

"Don't fret, you'll be seeing Hemlock soon, surely. After all, you've been good, haven't you?"

The question left an emptiness different from the nothing, like something had been scooped out and left him hollow. The feeling had been heavy, not as distinctly consuming as the nothing, but strong enough to make him feel sick. He recalled paling as he swallowed something hot and bitter back down and just shook his head.

"Ah," Archer said. "That complicates things, doesn't it?"

Ariana's voice came back in then, and Thane thought he recalled seeing the red flash of her hair in the corner of his eye, but she'd never moved out of the periphery. "Could you not play around with them, please? Keeping people in line is hard enough without you setting a bad example."

The last thing that Thane recalled was Archer apologizing, then sending him one more glance. "I'll behave," he said before walking to where Thane couldn't see him. He lost consciousness shortly afterward, but wasn't sure if that had been induced or from the strain; years of practice ensured that he'd gotten quite good at maintaining consciousness through periods of high stress, but back then it had been more difficult for him.

All other memories regarding the pile were well-sealed, and Thane knew just enough that he had no intention of reopening them.

\---

With the voice in control, what had been reminiscent of an interrogation before became closer to a discussion, and Polaris even gave helpful answers to most of the questions posed to him. As it turned out, he was a former Team Rocket Executive, placed in charge of the Unova branch at its inception. They'd only been established for somewhere around a year before the Kanto branch fell, and made the decision to keep themselves underground shortly after Giovanni's disappearance; the original plan had been to stay quiet until they got a better feel for Unova, so they'd been equipped with more people suited for intelligence than fighting from the beginning. Polaris said that this and a lack of resources had made them more practical than the Johto branch had been, and when the voice implied that Polaris might have made a better leader than Archer, he didn't deny it.

"Well, no one would've guessed that the boss would just disappear," he said with a lighthearted yawn. "I guess you can't really blame him for the way he reacted. I'm just glad we were far away enough to avoid his warpath, otherwise Team Rocket really would be done for."

The voice maintained an informal tone, forced a couple laughs from Thane's throat as the situation required, aided by a glass of water that Polaris had been kind enough to procure at its request, and continued to push for as much information as it could get.

It asked, had anyone ever found out what happened to the boss's kid--what was his name again?

It was Silver, and they'd found him. Or, to be more accurate, _he_ had found _them_. Polaris waited for the voice to ask what that was supposed to mean before continuing; as it would turn out, Silver was part of the group fighting their revival. Not really all that surprising, everything considered.

Polaris gave that wolfish smile, eyes glinting. "Things got a bit convoluted with Ariana, after all. But I probably don't need to elaborate."

The voice shook Thane's head. "Actually, I'd prefer you didn't." Its tone was still light, but tauter than before, and the briefest flash of tooth indicated that Polaris hadn't overlooked it.

"Okay, then let's change the subject."

Team Rocket was in the process of expanding; they'd more than doubled in size in the past three years, which Polaris assured him was less impressive than it sounded, given their numbers, and now that most of the newcomers were trained they were looking to double themselves again. When the voice asked if that meant they were planning on stepping out of the shadows soon, he only chuckled and said, no, for the time being they were just going to focus on filling up empty space.

And they talked about Thane, too, of course.

Thane wasn't comfortable divulging information about himself to anyone, least of all someone who wasn't being paid _not_ to divulge it to other people, so the voice avoided garnishing the conversation with unnecessary details. Thane had two badges and four Pokemon. He had begun his journey around a couple weeks ago, and so far had only killed once.

"But it got thrown around by some red fucker beforehand. Had a compound fracture and who knows what the fuck else." It shrugged Thane's shoulders. "People woulda thought I did it if I took it somewhere. That's when your guy found me--Johnny?"

Polaris nodded.

"Fucker's a real piece of work. You hear he fuckin electrocuted me in that car? Wouldn't explain shit and kept fuckin takin his hands off the fuckin steering wheel whenever I tried to _reciprocate_. You have a lot of assholes like that around here?"

The distaste that flashed across Polaris's face was genuine. "No, Johnny's, uh... He's unique, I guess. Sorry you had the misfortune to run into him of all people."

Thane stayed quiet during their exchange, partially because he didn't want to make things more confusing for the voice, but mostly because he could barely think, which made it difficult to come up with something to say. He didn't speak until the subject changed to his admittance, and even then it took the voice's prodding, _Hey. Wake the fuck up._

I'm not asleep, he said.

_Well you're obviously not fuckin awake. We joining or not?_

The question made no sense to Thane as it ran past him, and the voice made a frustrated sound at his confused, What?

_Team Rocket. Are we gonna fuckin join?_

Oh. I don't know. I'd have to think about it.

_Then think now, cause we don't have a lot of fuckin time to make up our mind._

I can't think right now. There's too much nothing.

_God **damn** it, then don't think, just tell me how you fuckin feel about it._

I don't feel anything.

_But do you want to join Team Rocket?_

Thane paused to try and consider this, but the thoughts wouldn't come. Nothing surged between his eyes and left him powerless.

He said, I'm not sure.

_It's a fuckin yes or no question._

It's not letting me think.

_You are the biggest fuckin pain in the ass. If you're not going to tell me what you want, I'm just going to make the decision myself._

Thane did his best to feel angry, but there wasn't quite enough room.

_Don't even fuckin start. You see how hard I'm trying to get shit out of you? If you want to make the decision, then hurry and make the fucking decision. We've gotta come up with something **now**._

He acknowledged that the voice was probably right, but...

_Here, how about this. I'll tell you what **I** think, and **you** tell me if I'm wrong._

Thane gave his consent.

_I think we need to get the fuck out of here while we still can. This pisshead's zen act is freaking me the fuck out, and I don't believe for a fucking second that they're half as tame as he's making them out to be. Maybe they'd make a good shield if we were in some kind of trouble, but as long as we're **not** this shit's just gonna fuck with your head--just look at yourself. You're this fucked up already and nothing's even fucking **happened**._

But...

_But what?_

Does that matter?

_How the fuck could it not?_

Well, it's just that... I don't know. I can't think.

_Look, you don't want to join, right?_

I'm not opposed, necessarily...

_But you don't **want** to._

Not necessarily.

_So then **don't fuckin join**. It's as easy as that._

But even if I don't join now--

_You need to learn to fuckin **fight** shit. I've only been telling you this whole goddamn time. If you don't like something, fuckin **do something about it** ; if you keep avoiding your problems, they're just gonna end up fucking you over. We're **free** now, but that also means that the quack's not around to change your fuckin diapers anymore._

The word _free_ seemed to echo, and Thane forgot what he'd been about to say.

_If we decide we want to join later, we can join then, but we've got no reason to do it now. So are you with me?_

I... I don't know.

 _Fucking_ \-- The voice growled its frustration. _Then just fuckin shut up and **trust me** , because I'm **not** going to let you go and fuck up our lives for **no fuckin reason**. You're fuckin dumber than a sack of shit, I swear._

Indignation flared and made Thane want to protest, but he couldn't think of anything to say in his defense; perhaps he _was_ dumber than a sack of shit.

The voice turned Thane's eyes to Polaris from where they'd been gazing at his feet and the expanse of tile beneath them. His brows unknotted and his face drained of the strain he felt.

"Well, I feel bad saying this since you've been so accommodating and all, but here's the thing. It's not that I've got something against you fuckers, even though I probably should, it's just that I'm not looking to join any _criminal organizations_ anytime soon." It shrugged Thane's shoulders. "Sounds corny, but we're just tryin to live normally, you know? Gotta figure joining Team Rocket would mess that right the fuck up."

"We?"

The voice paused. "Huh?"

Gold eyes and white teeth flashed. "Ah, nothing."

"So, yeah, anyway, it's been a blast getting back in touch, but I'm gonna have to decline. Like I said, it's nothing personal."

Polaris raised a brow, but the droop returned to his shoulders after a few seconds of deliberation, and his smile lazed. "Well, if that isn't a relief, I don't know what is. I've been trying to buy time to come up with a sensitive way to turn you down. Looks like it wasn't necessary."

All hints of confidence were wiped from Thane's face, and the shock froze both him and the voice so thoroughly that Thane wasn't sure who was acting on it.

"Wh..." The question could have come from either of them. "What?"

"Just because we're looking to expand doesn't mean we're admitting people indiscriminately. A child with two badges and uncertain mental stability couldn't possibly meet our standards." He paused to fight the softness back into his expression. "But no offense or anything. Like you said, it's nothing _personal_ , you're just not Team Rocket material."

"But I--"

Everything that remained was swallowed by nothing. Thane's heart fluttered as he was overwhelmed by the sensation of falling, but all that surrounded him was nothing and there was nowhere for his body to land.

He wasn't Team Rocket material.

_Absurd._

"But _you_ \--"

Polaris interrupted him and his retort was stolen and locked away behind walls before he could think to cling to it.

"You weren't planning on joining, so this should be good news."

Pain throbbed to life between Thane's eyes, and he felt his jaw slacken as a hand found his forehead. A burbling laugh echoed through the room, but it took a moment before Thane was able to recognize it as his own, and yet another before he realized he should probably stop. When he did, it was only with great effort. There was just something about the situation that was so terrible and funny at the same time, and he was almost tempted to ask when the fire would come because it was all so surreal.

Instead, he said, "I think I need to sit."

"You are sitting."

Thane looked down to see himself in a chair, but surprise was beyond him. "You're right."

"Do you want to lay down?"

"Please."

\---

It was easy to tell when the boss had bad news. The man loved it, delighted in disappointing people, and although he did his damnedest to keep how happy it made him under wraps, the prospect of bad news always made those droopy eyes of his perk up. The difference was subtle, but it allowed light to filter in through heavy lashes and made his eyes glisten past the bags sagging for miles under them. Someone had once shown Johnny a photo of a shiny Arbok their cousin'd spotted, and with Polaris's tangle of obnoxious, piss-yellow hair, the resemblance was uncanny.

He shrugged away a shiver that tried to twitch to life just behind his shoulder blades.

It was a Pavlovian response, he reasoned; he wasn't afraid of anyone, and certainly not his boss, but anyone would have gotten apprehensive if they knew they were about to be told to do something they didn't want to hear. Anyone would have felt that rock of dread in their stomach, and he was _far_ from the only person who would have had trouble keeping the smile on his face. But Johnny was a professional, so he managed all the same.

"You took a long time getting here. Didn't I call for you..." Polaris trailed off to glance at the phone by his elbow. "An hour and a half ago?"

"Sorry, boss. I was cooking, and you know what happens if I'm not around to stir the pot." He'd made the mistake of thinking Robin could handle it somewhere close to a year ago, and they'd had to clear the entire ninth floor for a couple of days when live spores got caught in the ventilation. Polaris hadn't been happy with him.

The memory was enough to flatline Polaris's expression. "About the boy. He calls himself Zeke?"

"That's what _he_ calls himself. His ID says something a little different."

"Just play along. He'll need some peace of mind after the night you gave him."

Johnny ignored the thinly-veiled weariness. "What's Viv gonna put in the system, then?"

"She's not going to put anything. He's not joining."

"He's what, now?"

"Not joining. He doesn't meet the minimum requirements."

Johnny rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and neither did half the other recruits before Kylie got her hands on them."

"Kylie's busy."

"Francis, then."

"He's busy, too."

Johnny was able to resist gritting his teeth, but couldn't help running a hand through his hair. "Why don't you cut the crap and tell me what this is really about?"

Polaris's tenor neared monotone in its dreariness, but he'd never been great at poker and it was a poor act. "He doesn't want to join."

"So, what? You want me and Miles to go in and--"

" _No_."

The sudden lack of stoicism was startling enough that Johnny nearly jumped.

"There are too many eyes on him if something goes wrong."

"Nothing'll go wrong. This is _Miles_ we're talking about."

"Capable as he might be, there are too many complications this time. We don't have a choice but to let him go."

Johnny blanched for a moment. "Let... Wait, let me get this straight. You don't trust Miles to do his _job_ , but you trust this kid enough to just let him walk out?"

Polaris's smile returned then, forcing a cringe from Johnny, because it meant he'd played right into the man's hands and the bad news was coming.

"Of course not," he said. "That's where you come in."

And there it was.

"See, normally when you waste my time I just let it go, but a certain someone's brought it to my attention that I should reprimand you every once in a while or you'll never change."

_It must have been Vivian, that bitch._

"The easiest thing to do would be to dock your pay--"

" _What_?!"

"--but I think having you watch the boy would be a better idea. I don't think he'll say anything, but I'm not fond of gambling and we can't afford any loose ends. Of course, if you'd _rather_ take the pay cut I can do that instead..."

"Are you kidding me? _You're_ the one who keeps riding our asses about finding new people. You're gonna _reprimand_ me for doing my job just cause Viv told you to?"

Polaris made a show of rolling his eyes. "Oh, please. You're too impulsive and it's been getting out of hand lately. This is just the most recent in a long string of incidents. Spoiling competence leads to spoiled competence, as they say."

"I don't ever remember Giovanni complaining."

"Things have change since Giovanni was in power."

Johnny was quiet for a moment before letting out a long sigh. "Fine, okay, I got it. I'll shape up. But I _don't_ have the time to run all over Unova with some brat."

"I agree completely. That's why I want you to give him this." Polaris dug a Pokeball out of his pocket and placed it on his desk. "It's, uh. Jill's daughter, I think. She'll do the watching, you just need to check up on him and make sure he doesn't get in too much trouble."

"This is bullshit. I told you, I don't have the time for this."

Polaris wheeled over to one of the computers on his desk, tapping his fingers dispassionately against the keyboard. "It'll get you off of Plasma duty for a little while."

And there weren't a lot of things Johnny disliked more than losing an argument, but Plasma duty was up there. It used to be that Vivian didn't quite make the list, but Johnny was going to spend some time reprioritizing. One thing that _definitely_ made the list was losing money, though, and the last thing Johnny wanted to do was get into some power struggle with the guy signing his checks. And, that besides, he knew hopeless when he saw it.

So he bit back any further arguments and paced forward to pick up the Pokeball, giving it a quick toss. "You can be a real asshole, you know?"

"Flatter me and I'll blush," Polaris muttered, flashing his computer an ironic smile as Johnny stuck the Pokeball in his pocket.

\---

Miles was waiting for him outside the office. Johnny didn't even have to look over, because he could _feel_ the Gardevoir's smirk as he walked through that tacky fake wall and down the hallway. It lit on his mind like a fly he couldn't swat away, and it was damn hard to ignore. Miles was never one to pass up on a 'told you so.' And like clockwork, he was forcing his voice in Johnny's head, pleasant and smooth, but it'd been growing almost aggressively masculine ever since he'd evolved into a Kirlia. Johnny tried to tell him to just ignore the teasing, but psychics were finicky; they'd both been a bit disappointed when things hadn't quite worked out with the Dawn Stone.

_This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't made a detour._

Johnny sighed. "I don't know what you want me to say. Yeah, I regret not coming straight home, okay?"

Miles tried for a chuckle, but his real voice was deceptively gentle, and he had to fight a frown when it came out closer to a giggle. _I think Polaris is right, though. You shouldn't be so impulsive. It's unbecoming for someone your age._

Johnny scoffed. "Who are you thinking of? My golden days are still years away."

_You mean retirement?_

He shot the Gardevoir a dirty look. "Not funny. Now will you beam me up to the fourth floor already? Apparently he's napping in room 492."

_Just a second._

And, with Miles, a second was all it took before the drab halls surrounding them were exchanged for a set of halls similarly drab, although perhaps a bit narrower. It had been a little while since he'd gone to the fourth floor, but he hadn't missed much from the looks of it. Dee squirmed as he dragged a hand over his face.

"Dee, moustache."

Once the squirming had quieted and she'd given an affirmative chirp, Johnny knocked on the door, donning his trademark hubris. He didn't even check the mirror anymore.


	18. Commencement pt. 6

The Pokemon referred to as "Jill's daughter" was the same that had attempted to subdue Thane in the hall. She was a Scraggy, Johnny had said, and she didn't have a _whole_ lot of training, but she was at least obedient. Thane could consider her something of an apology and consolation prize rolled into one.

Thane had been laying in the bed Polaris had offered him at the time. His new room was larger and better furnished, and much closer to the elevators; it wasn't much more colorful, but a brown set of drawers helped to break up the whiteness. Thane had noted these things with the same numb indifference he might have offered a clouded sky. He hadn't even bothered sitting up when Johnny’d sauntered into the room. Even in this poor state of mind, he must have managed to decline the Pokemon, though, because Johnny had given one of those smirks so reminiscent to Zeke's and told him that he didn't really have a choice.

The words made no sense to Thane and he couldn't remember if he'd responded to them.

After that, the owner of the pink face, a Blissey Johnny'd introduced as Billy, took his Pokemon for healing, then brought him a stack of buttery pancakes with a glass of moomoo milk shortly afterward. She placed it on a table a few paces from the bed and ignored Thane's request for something vegan and gluten-free, then left with an air of exasperation. Thane turned his attention to Jill's daughter, telling her that she should eat the pancakes; it would be wasteful to just throw them out. The Scraggy narrowed cautious eyes at him as she climbed up on a chair to reach them, but after a few bites had shed her discretion, foregoing the fork and knife provided despite a liberal spatter of syrup.

Thane averted his eyes to the ceiling to avoid watching her, and time soon became nothing more than an indiscriminately-flowing concept as they glazed over. Frivolities such as minutes and hours fell away and moments seemed to drift aimlessly in their absence. Some of these moments bunched closer together and some were spread further apart, but none seemed particularly noteworthy.

A moment marked Thane's growling stomach. A few clustered together after that: the quieting of Jill's daughter, a bed shifting as weight was added, a pair of egg-shaped eyes appearing above his own, along with a crescent of bared teeth. Absently, Thane thought it was strange that there should be such an image in front of him, but didn't bother piecing together why it would be there. He wasn't sure how long the moment lasted, but eventually the ceiling reappeared. There was a thump on the ground and the mattress's tension eased, but some smaller weight remained to his right, and the sweet smell of maple stabbed at him continuously afterward.

He didn't move until Billy came back. She shook him, startling him into lucidity, and then gestured beside him where a plate laid, all but one pancake consumed. She gave him an expectant stare as she said something to him, voice edged with irritation, and Thane frowned at the Scraggy once he'd managed to make sense of the situation.

"You couldn't finish them?" he asked.

She opened her mouth as if to respond, but stopped short.

Thane fought a sigh. "I didn't think I needed to say it, but you _can't_ be wasteful. I don't know that you'll understand this, but a part of the environment died to produce the food you were given. To consume environmentally unsustainable products is to condone the destruction of the environment as far as it conveniences you, and wasting the ecological sacrifices is incredibly disrespectful." He paused, softening his voice with some difficulty. "Please. If you're going to partake in unsustainable activities, at the very _least_ don't take them for granted."

Both Pokemon in the room seemed rather nonplussed, but the lecture helped clear Thane's mind. Clots of nothing still floating around and bumping into each other drifted down to where they could barely get in the way anymore and the world began to feel _real_ again. By consciously denying its significance, Thane was able to accept that he had made contact with Team Rocket and that they wanted nothing to do with him, and from there he could begin the process of forgetting.

So his mind wandered to a new smell filling the room. It was richer than the first, earthy with the aroma of mushrooms and boiled spinach, and the sharp sweetness of onion. There were spices, too; basil, mostly, perhaps with a few sprigs of coriander. Thane would have liked lemongrass, but he doubted there was an abundance of lemongrass in Unova, judging by what he'd seen of the cuisine. He could manage without.

"Is it vegan?" he asked, swallowing through salivary glands intent on hindering the question.

At a tilt of Billy's head, the closest to a nod something lacking a neck could manage, Thane leaned forward to grab for the bowl of soup and the spoon where they'd been placed on the table. Moving into the chair accompanying it would have been more civil, Thane knew, but no one was around to scold him.

The thought came to him: _I'm free_. And there was something underneath the nothing that caked it, but at the moment Thane was more interested in satisfying his stomach than his curiosity, so he dashed it aside and blew on a spoonful of broth. It was a mismatch of vegetables, something born of a full refrigerator rather than a recipe or even experience, and far too salty. Olive oil would have done it good. Even so, Thane found that it took effort to stop himself from appearing anything but ravenous.

By the time he had finished, Billy was gone, having laid his Pokeballs out on the desk for him. Thane was making to put them in his backpack when his eyes landed on the Scraggy. For a moment he felt inclined to introduce himself, but the time for introductions had already passed, so he said, "You're, um, coming with me?"

She'd been shimmying her pants up to her chest, but paused to give him a nod.

"Then you're going to be Six. You can think of it as a name. I can, um..." She tilted her head as he glanced to the Pokeballs in his hands. "I can introduce you to One and Four, if you'd like." He was still a bit unhappy with Five, and he didn't particularly care to see Two right then. When the Scraggy gave him another nod, he released them.

Hooves clattered against the tile as Four reared, eyes flickering with fluorescent light and mane crackling, but he soon settled down to smaller displays of his nerves. One just stared at Thane. And although it was harder to tell with Pokemon, neither of them appeared very happy, so Thane plastered a smile on his face in the hopes that it might change something. For some reason, returning One's stare, it seemed less of a challenge than usual.

"The Blitzle is Four and the Servine is One. Um. This is Six. She's a Scraggy." It felt a bit inconclusive, but Thane wasn't sure what else he was supposed to say. Only Four turned his head to look at the Scraggy.

Six gave her pants a tug and stuck out her chest. When she spoke, her words flowed quickly, but the pauses between them were just a millisecond long enough that it made her speech sound disjointed. Although it was somewhat irritating to listen to, Thane supposed there probably wasn't much she could do about it; he'd just have to get accustomed to it.

Once she was finished with whatever she had to say, One began talking. Unfortunately, his voice as a Servine wasn't much less shrill than it had been as a Snivy, but Thane hadn't been expecting much of a change. One spared Six no more than the occasional glance as he spoke to her, and his expression only seemed to darken, pointed snout lowering and tail flicking behind him. Six's chest deflated at his words, her eyes hardening. Four looked between the two of them and Thane, unable to stay still and continuing to fill the room with clicks as he fidgeted. Blitzle hooves couldn't have been good for the tile, but it was cheap enough that Thane didn't think anyone would mind a few additional scuffs.

It took him a second to realize that a darkening expression and hardening eyes weren't things that generally went with introductions. The thought that One might be bullying Six came first, and it seemed reasonable because he'd been told that Snivy were troublemakers, but it was followed by a gentle reminder from the voice that what was _more_ likely was that One was gossiping about Three. Six was from Team Rocket, so it was silly, but this sent a panic through Thane, and his heart raced as he hurried to withdraw the two Pokemon.

Six gave him the closest thing to a serious look something like a Scraggy could give, and Thane took a deep breath to steady himself before kneeling down. Her head was surprisingly rock-like as he placed a hand on it, despite the tuft of wiry red hair. He gave a moment to wonder if she was perhaps steel or rock-type.

"You can talk to them more later. The others are a Sawk and a Patrat, Five and Two. Three was a Purrloin, but there was an accident yesterday. I, um. Don't know what One told you, but I didn't have a choice." He reminded himself to smile. "You're with Team Rocket, so I'm sure you understand."

She only hesitated briefly before nodding, and Thane supposed that was good enough.

\---

Thane was allowed to leave without any fuss. Once he'd gotten his clothes--washed, to his displeasure--and the contents of his pockets back, he was given the option of staying the night in the base, or continuing on his journey. Thane was inclined to stay for the sake of convenience, but the voice reminding him that they didn't want to be around Team Rocket if they could help it and the fact that he _still_ hadn't fed his Pokemon persuaded him that this was a bad idea. Johnny walked him to the elevator.

"I've got some stuff I gotta do around town," he said with a shrug. "Business."

"Which city?" Thane asked, clearheaded enough to feel wary this time as Johnny looked over at him, then surprised as he received a straight answer.

"Castelia. Can’t say where we’ll end up exactly since they're always changing the damn drop-off point, but it's always somewhere in Castelia."

Thane had been just about to thank him when Johnny recovered his smirk and said, "Guess that makes it my turn, huh?" He must have taken Thane's blank stare as consent, because he continued through it. "Why the hell'd you turn down Team Rocket? I pegged you as a little smarter than that."

Instead of answering the question, he found himself asking, "Would joining Team Rocket have been smart?"

"For an ex-con that likes killing Pokemon, there's nothing smarter."

Thane wanted to object to the pretext, but no immediate argument came to mind, and Johnny's pause was brief.

"I mean, where else can you go? _Plasma_?" Johnny's scoff turned into a laugh, and Thane just frowned.

"I don't want to join them, either."

"No, I bet not. They'd kick your sorry ass out in a heartbeat."

When the elevators came into view, Thane diverted his attention to pressing the up arrow and pursing his lips as he waited for the doors to open. Johnny watched him out of the corner of his eye for a while before saying, "You didn't answer the question."

Thane had to subdue the urge to grimace, then took a moment to settle on an answer. "I don't want to do anything bad anymore."

The elevator doors opened then, and Johnny followed him in with a snort. "You've sure got a funny way of showing it."

When Thane didn't respond, Johnny sighed and said, "Look, I don't really care, just don't let anything happen to that Scraggy. Jill's not the best mom, but she's not gonna take kindly if someone offs her kid, you know? And I'm not going to be too happy, either, come to think of it."

Thane was right in the middle of trying to figure out the best thing to say when Johnny hit the _1_ button, and in a blink they were in a different room. Stale chrome became mellow browns and maroons, a burnt orange and umber wallpaper, and the moody sound of live acoustic guitar permeated the door along with a strong smell of coffee. He'd been expecting another elevator, but what they ended up in appeared to be some sort of storage area. They had to wind their way through file cabinets and piles of boxes cluttering the floor to get to the door, which led into a hall that, while easily accommodating for two people walking side-by-side, was positively narrow compared to the ones compiling Team Rocket headquarters.

There were a couple of doors marked as restrooms and _staff only_ , but they walked past them and toward the sound of the guitar. The hall opened into a small café, if the cups and menu full of foreign-sounding names were anything to go by, lights glowing a soft ambiance. A few of the patrons glanced up as they emerged, but the majority of them focused on sipping their coffee and the man strumming his melodies in the middle of the bar.

Johnny shared a nod with the barista, a middle-aged man with the beginnings of wrinkles around his lips that made his half-smile seem lopsided, and Thane hurried after Johnny to the exit. The sudden change in environment had left him rather overwhelmed, but the feeling was subordinated by the sight of the alley he walked into. Concrete buildings and dumpsters were the first things he became aware of, then the smell of exhaust mingling with garbage decomposing in the sweltering heat of midday. Concrete absorbed the sunlight and glass reflected it, and there were no green patches to soften the temperature anywhere he could see. Cars rumbled in the distance, along with all the other thousands of sounds produced by millions of people working and commuting and talking and _living_ so close to one another.

It set Thane's teeth on edge even more than Goldenrod.

He was startled when Johnny spoke again.

"Well, best be on my way. You should probably find a place to stay. I recommend The Shinx, but if you're on a budget there's always the Pokemon Center. Anyway." Johnny's eyes were oily enough that Thane felt unclean as they looked him up and down. "I'll be seeing you around."

The thought to say good-bye didn't come until Johnny had already turned and walked away, so Thane just watched him for a moment before going in the opposite direction. He would head to the Pokemon Center first, he decided, and perhaps see if he could get a map of the city. In Goldenrod, there had been signs to point trainers in the direction of the Pokemon Centers; upon exiting the alley, Thane was relieved to find Castelia no different in that aspect.

The Pokemon Center was just a straight line away, but quite a walk regardless. The road was curved to match the gentle slope of what once must have been a beautiful coastline, so there was probably a shortcut through the city that took less time, but Thane wasn't confident that he could find it without getting himself lost. After the first hour, Thane stopped at a restaurant that advertised itself as healthy and organic and catering to both people and Pokemon. It had been a while since anyone other than he and Six had eaten, but he wasn't sure if One was still feeling chatty or not, so he ordered to go after confirming that they only used biodegradable containers.

The waiter scoffed at the question. Of _course_ they used biodegradable containers.

Thane appreciated his attitude and wished that everyone was so sensible.

According to the position of the sun, it was another couple of hours before he arrived at the Pokemon Center. By then, the heat radiating off the pavement combined with the salty spray of the ocean waves crashing against flat concrete was enough to leave him parched again, so his voice croaked as he attempted to make a reservation. The nurse gave him a sympathetic look, practiced but genuine, the same she'd likely made to countless other people that day. She was sorry, but most rooms in Castelia filled up weeks in advance. There was a room available in a few days, she said, but all reservations for that night had been booked.

Thane thanked her and had her put down his information for the open room, then asked if there were any parks nearby with access to running water. This seemed to make her hesitate, but she did eventually give him directions to what she told him was the largest park in the city, with plenty of drinking fountains and areas where people could go and battle, so long as they didn't destroy anything. It was a bit of a walk, she said, so he should probably go by cab. Thane thanked her again, got some water for himself, begrudgingly used the restroom because there was no better way to dispose of waste in a city like Castelia, and then went on his way.

He chose to walk.

The directions took him deeper into the city, squeezed him into groups of countless people rushing across streets, and past rows upon rows of towers of offices where people wrapped in stiff suits and expensive ties were making decisions about decimals and budgets, and what they wanted to maximize and what should be more cost-efficient, as well as who and what was unnecessary to produce their coveted margins. The smell of raw sewage surged whenever he passed a narrow alleyway between the buildings, fatigue crawling in the eyes of everything that stared up at him from their nests of decay. Humans and Pokemon alike sneered at him, at his clean clothes, at the food he was still carrying, paper bag now so battered that he had to hold it to himself to ensure that the containers didn't spill out of the hole widening up the side.

Jovial for the polluted air and streets and the sludge lining the gutters, poison-type Pokemon slinked through the streets. They rejoiced at the oil-slicked concrete and the scraps of crinkling cellophane and plastic bags that the wind picked up and took with it. Some, with an appearance and aroma revoltingly similar to bursting trash bags, rummaged through dumpsters, giving happy shouts as they found that special something. The other creatures searching alongside them were more reserved about their findings.

And although he supposed that it was good these people and Pokemon were reducing the city's waste output, as Thane found himself in the midst of such a display of human progress, he felt his heart beat in his throat. His blood ran hot in his cheeks, but his mind seemed to slow, entertaining only a single, consuming thought.

_It would be nice to wipe this filth from the earth._

While he knew it was impossible and that the wreckage produced would likely be just as terrible for the environment as an active city would, there was a cold beauty to the idea that he couldn't shake. It was consuming in a way that was almost comforting.

_Just destroy it all._

He gave a single wistful sigh.

Trees became more plentiful as he neared the park, but they were no less depressing a sight, their bark gnarled where initials had been carved or branches shaved off for the convenience of telephone lines draped around the carcasses of their brethren and the smog-vomiting cars and buses, their leaves straining upward for sunlight that they would only ever receive as a harsh reflection off glassy windows. They were yellowing prematurely, and many of the lower branches were already nearing bare. Cigarette butts littered their tiny squares of soil and, as a pungent urine aroma met his nose, Thane felt guilty by association.


	19. One's Extra

In Unova there was a proverb: To no one is a Snivy agreeable. The Snivy yet unnamed in Professor Juniper's lab thought it a rather accurate assessment; he'd met more than a few Snivy in his time, and not a single one of them had gotten off their high horse for long enough to entertain a civil conversation. They were just too ill-tempered and immodest, and much too quick to judge for _his_ liking. So when the brutish pair he was forced to tolerate, the Tepig and the Oshawott, would congregate to snicker at his expense and whisper the proverb to one another, just loud enough for him to hear, he would give an astute nod, a tetchy sniff, and say, "Yes, they're simply intolerable."

The first time, this had shut the Oshawott up quite efficiently, but the Tepig had found it riotous. "You _are_ a Snivy!” he’d said. “You just insulted _yourself_!"

The Oshawott, having finally managed to grasp the joke, had begun laughing as well after that.

The Snivy just scoffed. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't compare me to the rest of my species."

"Then what do we compare you to?" the Tepig then asked. "A Lillipup?"

The Snivy responded with a shake of his head and a sigh, placing leafy hands on his hips. "It's a waste of breath even trying to _communicate_ with such low-pedigree simpletons."

One of the worst parts about being a Snivy--one of exactly three downsides, and the one he lamented the most frequently--was that being a well-bred Snivy such as himself had come to necessitate prolonged exposure to mud-slinging cretins like Tepig and Oshawott.

Another was that when attempting to make acquaintances, others tended to form the preconceived notion that _he_ was just as judgmental and uncouth as the rest of his kin. It was preposterous, as anyone that had gotten to know him would surely agree, but entirely too difficult to get out of someone's head once it was in there.

What was probably the most frustrating part of being a Snivy, though, was that it meant he wasn't yet a Serperior. While Snivy were known for their ravishing good looks and it was common knowledge that they were the third best-looking Pokemon in existence, they were just barely exceeded by Servine, and severely outshined by Serperior. It was nothing as unprepossessing as parent-warship, as his father had been a Servine--although he'd sooner perish than admit it--and it had little to do with power, although he _certainly_ had no qualms with growing stronger. It was simply that there was nothing as elegant, nothing as _imperial_ , as a poised Serperior.

So it should have been understandable that he, by all rights a Serperior stuck in a Snivy's body, was a little less than patient at times.

The boy that was to become his trainer seemed to understand. When he would come in the lab, he'd look through the reference books lining Professor Juniper's lab. The Snivy would grant him the honor of standing on his lap while he leafed through encyclopedias, which he grabbed most frequently, as they were less technical and thus easier for both of them to comprehend. As if by admission of their supremacy, the sections on Snivy always came first, dreadfully presumptuous, but the boy wouldn't linger on them for long before moving on to the pages devoted to Servine and Serperior. Appropriately, he would dwell the longest on the Serperior's page, reading the text aloud for the Snivy countless times and studying the pictures with a thoughtful frown.

"You'll evolve into this someday, won't you?" he'd ask on occasion, and the Snivy would tilt his nose up.

"Naturally."

The boy was just a human, of course, and couldn't possibly have understood his words, but he was smart enough to grasp the meaning regardless. And although neither of them said a thing about it, there was a mutual understanding that the boy would be there with him to witness it.

Because if the Snivy was to have a trainer, which he still wasn't even entirely convinced he needed, it had to be someone competent. It needed to be someone who would know without being told when he needed to be taken to a Pokemon Center or have the dirt wiped off him, and someone capable of getting him to where he wanted to be _quickly_ , which ruled out the girl that came in every so often. She was quaint and well-intentioned, he was sure, but chatty enough to give him a headache and slow in nearly everything she did. Certainly not someone he could expect a lot from.

The boy, on the other hand, with his sharp eyes and equally sharp hair, his immaculate presentation, seemed almost ideal. There were a few things that needed fixing, of course; he was a little on the scrawny side and a bit lacking in fashion sense, not to mention a _grave_ Vitamin D deficiency judging by his complexion, but these things were all easy fixes. Life as a trainer would do most of the work, and the boy was a quick enough learner that he didn't imagine the rest would take much more effort. By the time they got to the boutiques in Nimbasa, the Snivy imagined that the boy would be faultless.

And the Snivy, who would be faultless just as soon as he evolved into a Serperior, supposed that made them perfect for one another.


	20. Commencement pt. 7

The park was better, but only just. Grass provided a break from the pavement, the dirt heavily-tread and compact, but comparatively pleasant and soft under his feet. Long patches of it made a wide, even ring around a stone fountain, intersected by sidewalks leading from the city or towards Route 4. There were benches, but Thane opted to sit at the foot of one of the trees planted in the divided ring of grass, pressed against rough bark and between thick roots that could have been arms, folding around him in an embrace that seemed to say: _I forgive you, despite everything_. He gave another sigh, wishing he'd never ended up with that Dragonite Skull that had led to so much chaos. Wishing that he was still in Pinwheel Forest. Wishing he could go back. He allowed his eyes to close for a moment as he realized he was tired again, but the paper bag in his arms rustled and he forced them back open.

That was right. His Pokemon needed to be fed.

He leaned his head back and felt his hair catch on the crannies in the bark, but was soon on his feet and releasing all five Pokemon from their Pokeballs. Six shared a inquisitive look with Two and Five. She gave them a nod, and then her face became austere as she turned to Thane. Five looked him over as Two edged towards One, who spared her an exasperated glance between cautious shifts of his eyes. Four just danced in place, evidently even less sure what to do with himself than usual; Thane supposed he'd be dining alone, now that Three was gone.

He cleared his throat, but their attention was on him from the beginning, so it was unnecessary. "I'm letting you out to eat, but, um. I don't want you to talk to anyone." His eyes fell on One as he spoke, his voice low so as to not be overheard. "You can talk with each other _quietly_ , but if I see you speaking to anyone else you'll go back in the ball and won't be released until I have a private room in the Pokemon Center. That would mean no meals for a few days, so I recommend you listen."

One diverted his eyes from Thane to the grass at his feet, then to Two, who was watery-eyed at his side. Five was no more impressed than he had been earlier, and raised a skeptical brow before rolling his eyes. He took a step forward, extending a hand towards Thane's collar, but before Thane could retreat and act on the anticipatory epinephrine that surged up from his kidneys, Six was stepping between them. She spoke something at Five, voice harsh and crescent scowl deep, but still disjointed and hardly threatening, even as she raised her fists up to her sides in warning.

It surprised Thane enough that he felt some of his tension drain. One and Two both appeared similarly shocked, and Six glanced over to scowl at them both, as well. Two shied away, and One hesitated before turning up his nose. Five seemed more amused than daunted, but he just grunted before backing up and nodding toward the bag crinkling in Thane's tightening arms.

"Oh." He lifted the bag enough that he could pin it to himself securely with one arm, while the other dove in through the opening for a container. "This is the food." 

He was in the process of pulling one out when white patches on black and a pale blue fluorescence flashed past him, joined by the wet clop of hooves on soil and sharp static crackling of electricity. Four dug up clods of dirt as he ran, gaining momentum quick enough that a few seconds of panic had him almost all the way down the patch of grass and to the cement.

Within that brief moment, it occurred to Thane for the first time that, despite being unable to speak to humans directly, his Pokemon were all effectively witnesses, and to let one get away was to risk getting into even worse trouble than he'd been trying to avoid in the first place. His lungs seemed to clench, and he thought, _I have to silence them all._

But that was hardly a practical solution, he reminded himself; it would get in the way of his progress, and there was a good chance someone would find out, besides. He conceded that, yes, it would feel _good_ to get his hands deep in them, to just _squeeze_ the life out until they were nothing, but he still couldn't. He fought against the maroon lining his hyponychium, tiny traces where he'd been unable to scrub all the blood away, that seemed to burn under his nails as they whispered to him about how great it'd felt and how great it could feel again and how easy it would be to just take them all somewhere secluded and--

The moment ended.

Thane's hand darted out of the bag and shot to his belt for Four's Pokeball. The beam stretched from it across the park, giving Thane just enough time to wonder if it wouldn't reach. When it connected, he could only let out a short breath in relief. Four squealed and thrashed for a moment, but he either lacked the strength to break out of his Pokeball or realized it was futile, because Thane could feel no more than a soft vibration once he was in. He had been told that many Pokemon didn't possess the mental fortitude to break out of their Pokeballs, but with how many times Two had done it Thane had all but disregarded this.

He thought it rather wry that there was a Pokemon with less mental fortitude than Two. Blitzle weren't even known for being _particularly_ stupid. Mental fortitude and intelligence weren't always necessarily related, he knew, but Thane couldn't help but make the connection.

He realized he was staring at the Pokeball and that his remaining Pokemon were staring at him, so he secured Four back to his belt and gave a tense smile. "I guess he's not hungry."

Two spoke up then, voice loud and clicking every so often, eyes full of either sadness or something approaching anger, but he couldn't tell, and it meant little to him either way. Her ears shot back as he knelt down to place a hand on her head, her eyes clenching shut in a flinch. And there was something about the way she trembled under him that felt _right_. Perhaps Two wasn't so bad, after all, he mused.

"You're talking too loud. If you want to eat, you need to talk more quietly," he murmured. "Please."

So her voice died in her throat, and Thane reached back in the bag to pull out the second smallest container for her; One had the smallest, followed by Two, then Six, then Four and Five. Thane had been tempted to purchase larger meals for all of them because it had been so long, but he didn't want anything to go to waste.

It was only once he'd settled back down with his own portion that he heard the beeping coming from his backpack, quick sets of three set apart by five seconds, and it didn't take him as long this time to recognize it as the Xtransceiver, but it did still take a while. Not answering was tempting, but it could only have been his mother and he knew how she got.

He put his food down with a resigned sigh and dug through his backpack until his index finger landed on the smooth, glassy surface of the Xtransceiver's monitor, then yanked it out by the strap.

 _Eleven missed calls_ , it read. _Call from Mom. Would he like to pick up?_

He would have preferred not to, but that he'd somehow missed eleven calls brought life to a sinking dread. Predictably, when he answered, his mother seemed none too happy. Wrinkles gathered in her brow in a way that made her look much older than she really was, and her voice was shrill with worry as she said, _"Oh heavens, Thane,_ finally _."_

"I'm--"

 _"Where are you right now? Are you alright? Oh, honey, your_ hair _. Have you been eating right? You look a little--"_

"I was just going to," he said, and then, realizing the statement was a big vague, added, "eat."

 _"Well I'm sorry for interrupting you, but I_ did _try calling quite a few times earlier. Where are you right now? That doesn't look like Accumula Town."_

"Castelia City." He did nothing to stop his face from darkening.

_"Castelia? Weren't you just in Pinwheel Forest last night?"_

Her eyes expected an explanation, and Thane scrambled to find one. He couldn't tell her the truth; not only would it get him in trouble, but it was so unbelievable that she'd likely think he'd started hallucinating. Knowing her, she'd be more inclined to think the hallucination a side effect of his medication than the result of a worsening mental condition, but he favored the prospect of forgetting his encounter with Team Rocket altogether anyway.

"I, um. I travelled overnight," he said. It wasn't exactly a lie, but not the entire truth. He'd heard that this was the best method for dishonesty, as it tended to be more believable than trying to make something up and easier to remember; there had been no shortage of children versed in lying to their parents where he'd come from. Even so, he felt nervous.

Luckily, his mother didn't appear to mistrust him, her face flooding with concern. _"I_ thought _you looked tired. Honey, you need to get more sleep. Have you been having those dreams?"_

"They never stopped."

_"But sometimes they're worse. Are you doing alright? You can tell me the truth."_

"I'm fine."

_"Thane..."_

His frown tightened as he glanced at his Pokemon. They were all eating quietly as he'd asked them to, Two hanging by a pensive One, Five leaning against a tree, and Six sitting on a root just a couple feet away from him. She seemed to be enjoying her meal the most of any of them, despite being the best-fed, but her manners were easily the most deplorable, and Thane thought to tell her to chew with her mouth closed before remembering he was already in a conversation. One that needed ending.

"Why did you call?"

 _"Well, we didn't really have a good chance to talk yesterday, and you..."_ Her expression grew distant for a moment. _"You didn't sound like yourself, so I wanted to make sure you were okay."_

His response came automatically. "You don't have the authority to tell me how I'm supposed to sound."

For half a second he saw a flash of guilt, but this hardened as she said, _"You know what I mean. I can tell when something's wrong."_

"Nothing's wrong."

 _"Thane."_ She gave him a berating look. _"Something's_ wrong _. I can tell."_

His pulse quickened, and he had to take a moment to force out the thought that _she knew_ , reminding himself that she didn't know anything and that she was just worried. According to his psychiatrist, that was what mothers did.

The voice stirred agreement, but it stayed quiet. It preferred not to interact with her if it could help it, even though Thane would have been more than happy to let it take charge.

He said, What should I say?

The voice snorted. _Just tell her you miss fuckin all the nymphs._

**Stop.**

_It'd shut her up._

You didn't tell her that last night, did you?

_You think I'm a fuckin idiot? Of course I didn't._

They were interrupted by a worried, _"Thane?"_

Thane's eyes refocused on the monitor and, when they did, he could see his mother had set her jaw in the way she always did once she'd made a decision. His heart fluttered, but did his best not to let it show on his face as he said, "What?"

_"I want to talk to you. Face-to-face. Where are you staying?"_

"I'm not in Johto."

_"Neither am I. I've always wanted to see Unova, so I've been staying with friends. Right now I'm in Lacunosa Town. I can meet you tomorrow."_

It seemed odd to him that his mother would have friends, but not enough so that Thane doubted what she said. And he most certainly did _not_ want to talk to her, face-to-face or otherwise, for any lengthy amount of time, especially when he had so many things he needed to hide.

The voice refused to help. It just said, _Keep her the fuck out of our hair._

Thane, desperate, asked, How am I supposed to do that? This is _your_ job.

_Fuck if I know, just do something._

So Thane said the first thing that came to mind, quick and nearly without pause for breath. "My psychologist said that it would be better for both of us if I did this on my own and you smothering me isn't going to help anything. If you come here you're just going to conflict with what everyone agreed was best. I'm _fine_ so it's really pointless anyway, and it will to be destructive to my rehabilitation. This is my last chance and I'm not going to get another one if you ruin it, so please just stay there or go back to Johto where you won't get in the way, _please_."

Her brows rose. She opened her mouth to argue, but after a second her expression had softened and she settled on a long sigh. _"He never said that I couldn't see you once in a while. Please, Thane, just be cooperative. I'm coming to see you, so tell me where you're staying."_

"I miss the nymphs. F-fucking them."

It took a second for Thane to register his own words, and the following silence lasted long enough for his shock at them to wear off. His mother blinked a few times, expression blank, and for a moment Thane thought that the voice's suggestion had actually worked, but eventually she asked a taut, _"What did you say to me?"_

"I, um." Thane tried to piece together what he was supposed to say in this sort of situation, but couldn't come up with anything. Frustrated, he turned to the voice and said, It didn't work.

_I cannot believe you actually said that._

You told me it would make her shut up.

_You are so fuckin dumb. Shit, I don't know if I should laugh or cry right now._

If you're just going to make fun of me, then _you_ talk to her.

This made the voice recoil, but after moment it responded. _Fine._

_"Where are you staying?"_

His mother's expression said there was no way that they were getting out of this, so the voice utilized a sigh to buy time for rapid calculation, then settled on, "Look, mom, could you wait a few days? I'm _really_ tuckered out from everything, and I'm just looking for a break. A lot of, ah, stuff has happened, from the Gym to trying to navigate a god-awful place like _Castelia_ , and I don't need you triggering me on top of it."

Her face only hardened, if anything. _"I'm sorry to hear that, but it's already going to take a day to get there and I don't want to wait any longer than that."_

"Come on, don't you think that you're being a little unreasonable?"

_"Just answer my question, please."_

"The Shinx."

_"The Shinx?"_

"It's a hotel. Nice place. The Pokemon Center was all booked up, so I had to find somewhere else to stay until it wasn't."

_"Which room?"_

"Can't remember, and I thought I'd go to the park with my Pokemon, so I can't check, either. It's the closest thing to nature you can find in such a big city, but I miss Pinwheel. Oh, I just caught a Scraggy today. You want to see? She's kind of weird-looking, but not too bad in a battle."

Her eyes stayed trained on the screen, unreadable, before her robotic smile broke through, and she said, _"I'd love to meet her."_

As the voice moved the Xtransceiver down to the Scraggy, Thane asked, Why did you say we were staying at The Shinx?

_Well it's not like we can say we're sleeping in the park._

Why not?

_Because she'd just tell you not to, dumbass._

Why?

 _She'd say some stupid shit about it being dangerous._ The voice scoffed. _As if we're gonna run into someone worse than us._

Thane couldn't say he disagreed, so he instead said, She won't be happy when she finds out you lied.

_She won't find out. Not if we make a reservation before she gets here. We'll do it tomorrow morning._

Thane supposed that was true, although there was always the prospect of the hotel being booked out as the Pokemon Center had been. The voice knew better about these sorts of things than he did, though, so he quieted as they watched his mom interact with Six, who was doing her best to look professional even with the food plastering her cheeks. When his mother asked how he was treating them, she glanced up at Thane, then spoke exuberantly as the voice gave a slight incline of his head.

When the Xtransceiver turned back to him, his mother's smile had turned more genuine, but it quickly flattened. _"I'll see you tomorrow, then."_

The voice nodded. "See you soon."

The video froze and then was replaced with the text _Call Ended_. The voice released a short breath and hid the gadget back between the folds of clothes in Thane's backpack, where hopefully it wouldn't be able to absorb sunlight. He could hardly be blamed for not picking up in the future if the Xtransceiver ran out of energy.

It picked up the container of Thane's food from where it on the ground beside him and, as it dug around for a fork, Thane said, I can do that myself.

_What?_

I can eat without your help.

The voice paused and Thane's teeth grit. "Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want."

Don't talk to me out loud, he said, but the voice didn't respond.

Thane ate in silence, eyes cast over his Pokemon, and recalled them once they'd finished. He placed the Pokeballs into his backpack and sealed the zipper tight to prevent runaways before settling at the base of the tree with roots like arms. His own wrapped around his backpack, holding it tight to his chest to guard against robbery. Just one more thing to dislike about cities. Sleep weighed down on his head as it caught hold of him, whisking him off to the blistering cradle of his dreams and settling his chin against a plastic zipper. Even with all the flashing lights and the oppressive thickness of smoggy air clogging his alveoli, even with the _noise_ , his fatigue saw him sleep through the night and well past sunrise.


	21. Commencement pt. 8

The Shinx Hotel was, predictably, on the other side of the city. It was quite a walk. Although Thane was no stranger to walking, the polluted air went contrary to the pristine environment he was accustomed to and seemed to cling to his sweat. It coated Thane like a fine layer of grease, slicking his face and hands as he tried ineffectually to wipe it away. His lungs felt heavy with the smog and, even despite the billowing chill of CFCs, his isolated hotel room felt like a haven once he'd reached it.

Along the way, he and the voice decided that, in order to limit their time with Thane's mother, they would locate and challenge the Gym as soon as possible. The quicker Thane earned the badge, the quicker he could leave for the next city; not even his mother would be able to justify following him through Route 4. His only problem was that his Pokemon were still too weak to face Burgh. He hadn't even really been ready for Lenora, and that had only been two days ago. Since then, he'd had no time to train, and for all Five's strength Thane doubted his competence against the next Gym; it was bug-typed, if he remembered correctly, and martial arts tended not to be as effective in dealing with them.

Thane spent a moment bitterly wondering if a poison-type Gym might have been more appropriate in a city so environmentally toxic, then lamented that the bugs in the Gym would never act as the precious balancers to their respective ecosystems. Provided they weren't invasive species, Thane had always held a great appreciation for bugs.

He wasn't one to lecture a Gym Leader, though, even if they _did_ set a bad example and acted much more aloof to the environment than he would have liked. He gently reminded himself that everyone had different sets of values, and that there were likely a great many people who would have loved to lecture him on _his_. Evidently this wasn't a bad thing, as he had read once that variety was the spice of life, but Thane thought life would have been a lot easier if everyone just thought the same way he did.

It certainly would have saved him the trouble of coming up with a way to convince his Pokemon, particularly One, to stay quiet about what had happened with Three.

Would torture be best? he asked, but the voice just gave a longing sigh before sinking into deliberation.

Thane allowed it time to think as he headed to the bathroom, where he began the task of washing his clothes. He preferred natural running water to bathtubs and didn't like that he'd have to hang them in the city air, but his mother would have a fit if he went walking around in dirty clothes. At least the temperature meant that they'd dry fairly quickly; it wouldn't take more than half a day if he hung things out over the short balcony attached to the room.

The room itself wasn't _bad_. Thane wasn't an excellent judge of hotels, but he'd been squeezed into quite a few over the last couple of months, and this one didn't seem much different from the others. The bed was adorned with a thin persimmon duvet and a practical number of pillows, and in the corner there was a wooden cabinet that seemed innocuous at first glance--a closer look revealed protrusions of rubber-covered wires and the foul hum of electricity. A table stood pushed against the wall, upon which was a telephone and a coffee maker, along with an assortment of coffees that only appeared complementary. Their individual prices were marked at the bottom of a sheet detailing room service and outgoing call policies, placed neatly to the side of the phone, just far enough away from the coffee that unsuspecting customers might mistakenly consume one in their grogginess. As Thane didn’t partake in coffee, he doubted it’d be an issue.

It seemed somewhat conservative in the way of the unnecessary formalities he'd come to loathe, so although it had cost half a fortune and the carpets were repugnant, he was left with the impression that, altogether, it wasn't _bad_.

He didn't care about money, and his mother was paying in any case.

He was scrubbing suds into the coarse fabric of his jeans when the voice said, _Hey, when I talk to them, I'm gonna need you to hand things over to me. And we should probably do things sooner rather than later, before your mom comes._

Ours, Thane said.

_Your mom, our mom, whatever._

We can do it when I'm done with this. Just tell me what to say.

_I think I should do it. We're gonna have to fib a little, and you put up a fuckin piss-poor act._

Thane hesitated. He knew the voice was right, but...

_But what?_

Thane took a moment to answer, then said, Nothing, I guess. Just don't _do_ anything, because mother is coming and she's going to want to see the Pokemon.

_Fuck, how dumb do you think I am? I'm not gonna do shit._

With a sigh, Thane conceded that the voice was _not_ dumb, and hadn't done anything recently to betray his trust. What happened with Three had been an accident, after all, and not entirely unpleasant, even for all the trouble it was causing.

So as Thane wrung out his clothes and beat them against the side of the tub until they stopped dripping, control faded over to the voice. By the time the laundry was all hung up on the balcony, pinned to the railing the same way he would have pinned it to a thin swatch of wood were he back in the comfort of nature, it was the voice who let out the short puff of a finished chore and said, "It'd be so much fuckin easier to just use a machine."

But much worse for the environment, Thane said.

It bobbed his head in a nod. "Yeah, yeah, calm down. I wouldn't fuckin _dream_ of using one."

While it was a sarcastic response, it didn't seem like a lie, so Thane refrained from saying anything more. The voice put a natural smile on his face as it looked around the room and then to his belt, where his Pokeballs laid in a row, ordered numerically. It took its time, releasing them all one-by-one while walking to sit on the bed. One and Two came out first and they bunched up together, the latter looking fairly bewildered, followed by Four, who danced in place and seemed especially uneasy in such a narrow room. Five glanced at his surroundings, taking them in with a careful frown, then leaned against a wall behind him, arms crossed. Six was released beside Thane on the bed, and she gave Thane a questioning look before his head nodded toward the others.

"Hey, everyone. I'd like you to meet Six," it said, motioning to the Scraggy. "I've already introduced her to One and Four, but I forgot to say anything last night, so I thought I'd make it official. Six, this is One, Two, Four, and Five. Everyone's numbered, so it should be easy to remember. Convenient, right?"

The voice looked to her for a response, but just went on when she hesitated.

"Anyway, now that that's out of the way, I think it's about time we talked about Three. I can tell he's been weighing on your minds a lot lately. I _know_ he's been weighing on mine." It heaved a sigh through Thane's lungs, all hints of a smile draining. Five gave a half-amused huff. "We did the right thing, though. I stand by what I told Two. He _wouldn't_ have survived. What we did was not only humane, but respectful. If I'm ever in a similar situation, I only wish there'll be someone with enough courage to do the same for _me_.

"The thing is, even if what we did was right, it was still _technically_ illegal, which means we shouldn't go around talking about it... Oh!" The voice paused, and Thane's lips parted as if struck by a thought. "But don't think that you're doing it for my sake! I'm still a minor and a jury would be sympathetic, so I'd probably just be let off with a slap on the wrists. Maybe a few months in a juvenile detention center, but not much more. What I'm _really_ worried about is all of you. See, it's not fair, but the law isn't quite so kind to Pokemon... Have you ever been privy to a trial?"

It seemed that none of them had. They all looked at each other uncertainly, other than Five, who just quirked a brow.

"Let's start from the beginning, then. When someone does something bad, they go to jail. You do know that, at least?" Upon receiving a hesitant nod, it continued. "Well, how long they go to jail depends on how bad a thing they do, which is usually determined by a set precedence. When it comes to _killing_ , there are a lot of different factors that go into it, like if the act was premeditated or a hate crime or self defense, but if you're a human you can count on being incarcerated for a length of time corresponding to the severity of the offense, and if you're a Pokemon acting outside the threat of death, the precedence is set at euthanization. It's not fair, but rehabilitation for Pokemon is..." It trailed off as this earned a shudder from all but Two. Even Six, standing stoic beside him, couldn't help herself. Two appeared somewhat lost, and although Thane _knew_ that she couldn't have had much exposure to humans, she really didn't have any excuse for not knowing what _euthanization_ meant. Not when Four knew.

The voice hardly shared Thane's frustration, and it continued calmly. "In case any of you don't know..." It gave her a meaningful stare. "When you euthanize something, that means you're sending it to that place in the sky we talked about the other day--if they've been good, that is. If the Pokemon's been _bad_ , it gets sent somewhere a little less fun." The voice had intended to elaborate, but Thane bristled and a firm stop set it back on track. Two seemed to get the picture anyway, and she shrunk in place.

"Well, like I said, rehabilitation for Pokemon gone bad is a little more difficult than for people, so... Or, no, that's an insult, even to your _vast_ intellects, isn't it?" Thane's head gave a somber shake. "You probably won't find it surprising that, contrary to public opinion, all research points to Pokemon rehabilitation being just as effective as a human's. Actually, oftentimes rehabilitation for Pokemon is a lot easier than for a human, since they're so, uh..." Its gaze drifted to Four. "...simple." The both of them shared in collective amusement as the Blitzle's eyes narrowed and his mane flickered dangerously. 

"The problem is that Pokemon don't have any real legal or political representation. You don't vote or pay taxes, so policymakers have no reason to care about you, and to make things worse most Pokemon don't even _mind_ \--plus, since most of you can't talk, it's hard to get anything done even when you _do_. That means that the only ones with the power to change things are humans, but humans aren't like Pokemon. They're born into a completely different society that tells them that their wallets are what's most important at the end of the day, so even though they do _genuinely_ love all of you, you're just not as high on their list of priorities. Rehabilitation's _expensive_ , and they're the only ones capable of picking up the bill. Personally, the injustice makes me sick, but I come from a long line of Rangers and we tend to be more liberal than most..."

The voice gave a soft, wry laugh. "I guess I can see why Pokemon avoid politics. I mean, there's not much you can do in the first place, and it goes to show just how little we actually care about you guys, doesn't it? But that's neither here nor there, I suppose." Thane's fingers drummed against the duvet idly. "What was I trying to say again...?"

You were explaining why they should keep quiet, Thane said.

_God damn it, shut up, I wasn't fuckin asking you. I know what the fuck I'm doing._

Thane wondered if he should apologize before deciding he didn't really feel like it and settling down. The voice was already moving on anyway.

"Oh, that's right, Three. See, even though _I_ was the one who technically killed him, you all would get in trouble for it, too. I can't say for certain that you would _all_ be euthanized, since there have been some cases where Pokemon who stay in their Pokeballs aren't counted as accomplices, but typically that's only reserved for weaker Pokemon captured in high quality Pokeballs. Even though they didn't assist with the murder directly like Four and Two, One and Five could have easily broken out and stopped it, which is ruled guilt by association. For a Sawk and a Servine in regular Pokeballs, I just don't think they'd make an exception.

"Obviously, aiding in the immolation of evidence, as well as other methods of concealing it such as digging holes, necessarily makes you accomplices, and thus subject to the death penalty. Ah, but no need to worry!" They looked over the four Pokemon lined up across from them, and the voice labored to find the right expression before settling on a reassuring smile. It didn't seem to do much to calm the tension in the room, though; even Five, who had seemed less than concerned in the beginning, had a nervous sheen of sweat on his forehead, his arms folded in front of himself tightly.

"As long as no one in this room says anything, no one will find out. I'd hate for something to happen to any of you, so I definitely won't tell anyone no matter _how_ much I'd like to. It really eats away at me that if I'd just paid more _attention_ he'd still be alive right now. None of you would be in this trouble, either. I really wish I had a way to make it up to you." It ran Thane's hands over his face and through his hair. "The only consolation is that we know Three's in a better place, and we did all we could to make sure the end was easy for him, even at our own risk."

It turned a tired half-smile to Four, whose ear twitched uncertainly. "Four, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied to you, and I feel I was a bit too harsh last night. I understand why you'd want to leave after everything, but I knew if you left then you'd end up saying something that would get everyone, yourself included, killed for no reason, and I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I let that happen."

The voice was silent for a moment before moving on.

"You must be hungry, though. Now that we've had a chance to talk, there's no sense in making you wait any longer. What do you say we go out to eat, all of us? Somewhere expensive. I'm sure there's a nice place somewhere close--it's _Castelia_ , after all. My mom should be here soon, so we can go with her. Ah, but that won't be for a little while, so in the mean time..."

The voice trailed off as it walked Thane over to his backpack, opening it to take out a bag full of organic fruit he'd picked up along the way to The Shinx. Thane had been intending on consuming some himself, but the voice shushed his complaints.

"Here. I picked this up for you guys. None of you have any allergies, right? Four, you can have the apples, you'll probably like those... But I've heard that electric-types like sour things, so maybe you'd prefer kiwi? Well, I guess I'll just give you each some of everything. It's all organic, so you can go ahead and eat without feeling guilty. It wasn't produced as locally as I'd like, but it's the best you can get in a big city." As it spoke, it reached into Thane's pants pocket. A soft frown found Thane's face to discover it empty of all but a wallet, and the frown deepened as it checked his other pockets.

Even so, it took the voice asking him where his father's switchblade was before Thane felt the first rush of panic.

He didn't know.

_The fuck do you mean you don't know?_ The voice asked as it walked over to Thane's backpack and began rummaging through it. _Where did you put it?_

I didn't put it anywhere, he said, and the voice froze in place.

_Don't you dare fuckin tell me--_

I-I don't know where it is. I haven't seen it since I used it with Three.

_You just fuckin left it there?!_

I was hypnotized!

_How the fuck could you not have fuckin noticed until now?! Are you fuckin retarded?_

Thane thought to point out that the voice hadn't noticed, either, but the panic began swirling and all he said was, I don't know.

"Shit." He could feel his muscles tensing as the voice's pitch rose. "Fuck!" It lifted Thane's backpack suddenly as if to throw it, but stopped just short, taking a deep breath through gritted teeth. The voice instead set it down on the bed, then looked down at his hands, wringing them together to stop their shaking.

What are we going to do? Thane asked.

_Shut up._

But--

**_Shut up._ **

We need to go back. We can't leave it there. My fingerprints are on it and the blood and if someone finds it I'm going to jail and they'll lock me up and it won't be like the institutions a-and I _can't_ \-- And I'll never--

_What part of shut up is so goddamn hard for you to understand? I'm trying to **think** here, and you going off like a fuckin mad sack of shit isn't helping me get anywhere._

I knew this was a bad idea. I _knew_ it. I shouldn't have listened to you. Why do I always listen to you?

_Now wait just a fuckin minute here. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?_

You told me to do it. You _made_ me. If I tell my psychiatrist that you made me, maybe--

_He'll call you a fuckin liar and send you to jail anyway. I never **made** you do shit._

Even if it's not physical, psychological manipulation is--

_I didn't fuckin manipulate you, you dumb fuck, I just fuckin told you the truth, same as I always do. What part of what I said was manipulation?_

Thane tried to find an instance, but there was too much going on in his head, too many raging catecholamines, for him to be able to come up with one. He could only reel aimlessly.

_Face it, you would've killed that Purrloin even if I wasn't there. I just sped up the process._

No. I _stopped_.

_Yeah, once the fuckin hole was dug and there was no going back. From the moment you fuckin saw it, you knew what you'd do._

No, I--

_You saw that fucker broken in a puddle of its own blood and thought it'd be fun to finish the job._

I--

_Don't fuckin think about lying to me. We both know you can't lie worth shit._

I _wanted_ to kill, but that was irrelevant... Y-you said it was part of my progress. You _said_!

_Yeah, it would have gotten in the way of your precious fucking progress. You would've fuckin gone to jail. Killing Three was your only fuckin option._

Thane felt a dancing wisp of relief. So it's _not_ my fault, he said. I haven't regressed.

_Don't fuckin kid yourself. You'd have killed it anyway. And I really don't get this fuckin obsession you have with regressing, either. Regressing to what?_

You know what.

_A psychopath? Fuckin ax-crazy?_

Thane didn't say anything.

_I got some bad fuckin news for you, dumbass. You've always been that way. You're not fuckin regressing, you're **resuming**. You never fuckin got better so there's no fuckin progress and no fuckin regression._

I stopped killing Pokemon.

_You weren't **able** to kill Pokemon._

I was given the opportunity.

_Not really. Not if you ever wanted to see the fuckin sun again, you weren't._

But I--

_Look. You can just fuckin save it, cause I'm you and you're me and I already know everything you're gonna fuckin say before you even fuckin think to say it. You're a sick fuck that likes killing Pokemon. We both are. It makes us feel good, right? Better than anything in the world._

That's just power which is different from happiness and--

_I know the difference._

So you know why I can't kill anymore.

_I don't see why killing would make you unhappy._

My psychiatrists said--

_Yeah, yeah, I know. The killing gets in the way of the healing and all that shit. But I'm asking you to think about it. And really **think** , don't just spout out the first fuckin thing you remember hearing your quack say._

Thane primed himself to do that.

_If killing makes you feel that good and you can get away with it, what's the fuckin harm in doing it? It's like starving yourself to feel full. It doesn't make any fuckin sense._

But my psychiatrist--

_Stop._

Thane stopped.

_Who the fuck do you sound like?_

He hesitated.

_I'll give you a hint. Starts with I._

Then bristled.

_Isaac's the one who just accepts the shit that's handed to him. Thane's the one that can fuckin think and do something about it. So who the fuck do you want to be?_

Myself, he said.

_Yeah, and who the fuck are you?_

Thane.

_Then use your fuckin brain for once._

So Thane did, and as he thought he tried to avoid the conclusion that he _wanted_ to make so badly, but it knocked through every obstacle that stood in its way. He told himself that destructive behavior was only conducive to a destructive lifestyle, but once he did away with the possibility of getting caught it didn't seem that it was all that destructive. He told himself that killing was wrong, but moral judgments meant little to him. He even told himself that violence was never the answer, but that was when trying to solve disputes, and was an antiquated argument regardless. He breezed by it almost without pause.

He wondered how something that made him feel so good could possibly be bad for his recovery, and he couldn't come up with a single thing. For a moment, all he was aware of was a floating sensation in his chest and a buzzing in his ears, paired with the returning thought: _I'm free_. It was stronger, strong enough that his fingers pulsed with every heartbeat and tension fell off his shoulders. Everything came together and it was all so simple.

Obviously whatever made him feel good would be the same thing that got him closer to happiness.

It was so _simple_.

But Thane's psychiatrists had been nothing if not competent, so even as his toes curled with the impulses, familiar walls shot up. They seemed hollow now, without their excuses or rationalizations, without the weight of punishment, but somehow no less corporeal as he tried to push past them. Tenaciously, they insisted that he couldn't do what he wanted _no matter what_. It was more than a bit frustrating and not nearly enough to quell his desires, but managed to softened them enough that Thane could begin the laborsome process of pushing them aside.

It was _wrong_ , he reminded himself. He wasn't supposed to do things that were _wrong_. It didn't matter if it didn't make sense.

Finally he said to the voice, I'm trying to be good.

_What's so bad about killing a few Pokemon? No one even fuckin notices when they go missing._

It just is.

_What the fuck's the point of following a bunch of morals you don't understand?_

I _used_ to understand.

_Yeah, and you used to pick your nose, too. Doesn't mean shit now._

Maybe I'll understand again someday. After this is over.

_Those quacks really did a number on you._

Thane stayed silent.

_Whatever. We have more important things to talk about anyway. Like that fuckin evidence you left behind, for instance._

Thane had nearly forgotten, and the tide of his anxiety crashed back over him.

_With your mom about to get here, we can't just run back and get it. Our only option is to wait until she leaves._

What if someone finds it before then?

_They won't._

But the--

**_They won't._ **

Thane had a hard time believing it.

_Look, we don't fuckin know if the knife's even still there. I wouldn't be surprised if that Johnny asshole got rid of it._

Why?

_It's pretty damn incriminating. If someone found it and we ended up spilling about Team Rocket--_

Polaris knows we wouldn't do that.

_You think Johnny does?_

I don't know... I guess not.

The voice continued lackadaisically. _Then again, who knows what that fucker did with it. He might've just left the hole open for all we fuckin know._

Thane felt queasy.

_Hey. When your mom comes, I think I should be the one in charge. I fuckin hate dealing with her, but we need to get rid of her as quick as possible, and god knows you're about as persuasive as a fuckin toddler._

Thane wanted to say no, but the best he could manage was a feeble pause.

Okay, he said.


	22. Commencement pt. 9

It took three hours for Thane's mother to arrive. His time was mostly spent calming down while the voice fed his Pokemon, and then briefly taking control to bathe them with the hotel's complimentary Pokemon shampoo. Four was particularly dirty, with a matted spot on his flank that looked like dried mud but smelled worse, and Two came in second place. None of them were particularly enthusiastic about their baths, and Five outright refused to let Thane wash him, but in the end they all got cleaned and dried with around a half hour to spare. One went to sit on the balcony in the sun, with Two trailing after him, but there wasn't quite enough room for Four to join them. When he tried anyway, One hissed at him, so he just curled up beside the sliding glass door, head poking out through the opening. Thane soon thereafter had the voice give Four a lecture on the sins of leaving doors open in air conditioned rooms.

They had just finished when the beeping sounded. The voice recognized the quick sets of three faster than Thane would have, so it picked up the Xtransceiver on the second ring, upon which they were met with his mother's thin-lipped smile. The voice reciprocated with one equally artificial.

"Hello, mom," it said. "Almost here?"

Her eyes scanned the screen for a moment before she responded. "I'm outside the hotel. The Shinx?"

"Yeah. Just wait a second, I'll come down for you."

"I'm sure I could find your room if you gave me the number."

"It's fine. There are chairs near the entrance, across from the stairs. I'll meet you there."

"If you say so..." Her words came out carefully, and Thane felt himself squirm.

I don't think you sound very much like me, he said.

The voice snorted. _I sound better than you._

I know, but...

_Aren't you the one always getting on my case for saying shit while you're trying to talk? Shut the fuck up, god damn._

"I'll see you in a few, mom."

Thane quieted when the voice cut the connection, but couldn't help but feel uncomfortable as the voice walked him around the room to collect his Pokemon, saving Six for last. Before recalling her, it knelt down beside her and said, "Make sure they don't get out of hand, okay?"

Her frown deepened, chest puffing out, and she gave a serious nod.

His lips stretched into a smile as his hand patted her head. "Good girl. Just do your best to look happy. Here, if you do well, I'll give you a reward once mom's gone, how's that sound?"

This perked Six's interest, and a grin waxed on her face as she chattered. The voice forced a chuckle before recalling her, but the expression on Thane's face flattened as it turned him to the door, taking a second to consider Thane's backpack before continuing out the door without it. They walked past the elevators in favor of the stairs, down from the second floor to the lobby.

His mother sat poised in the chairs he'd mentioned, face grim as she dabbed sweat from it, but her stoniness seemed to crack as her gaze met his. She pushed herself up and paced over, one hand immediately finding his elbow while the other hesitantly reached up to his cheek. Neither of them spoke until his mother let out a sigh and said, "Thane, you need to eat more."

Tension broken, the voice brushed her hands away dismissively. "I eat enough," it said, but her expression seemed to imply dissent when she responded.

"What have you eaten today?"

"Some fruit."

"Some fruit," she repeated flatly.

Thane's eyes rolled. "It was all I had with me. You'd have jumped to all kinds of conclusions if I'd gone out and wasn't here when you arrived."

It looked as if she wanted to protest, but just let a breath out her nose instead. "You could have called me."

"I hadn't thought of that."

"Of course you hadn't," she said, chiding, but her face softened further. "You need to eat. Let's go. I'm not taking no for an answer."

The voice had no intention of protesting, but released a defeated sigh anyway. "Just make sure it's somewhere I can bring my Pokemon." It motioned towards the Pokeballs at his waist. "We still haven't celebrated our victory against Lenora yet."

\---

The restaurant his mother chose was painfully nice. Rich reds and cream table tops, soft cello and dim lighting. Staff and patrons alike were dressed in jackets worth more than the total sum price of all the clothes Thane owned, but were no doubt leaching trace amounts of insecticides and fungicides through the skins of their wearers nonetheless. Even Thane could tell that he and his mother appeared out of place, and perhaps to combat this, in the time they spent waiting for their tables to be prepared she took to fussing over his hair. The voice put up with it for close to ten minutes before growing frustrated and shooing away her preening hands.

They were seated separately from Thane's Pokemon, who were waited on by an enthusiastic Pansage. The atmosphere was stifling and seemed to choke Five with a nervousness that even Four couldn't match, but One looked at home among luxury. They were close enough that Six could send him meaningful glances, but far enough away that Thane didn't think they could do anything to pique his mother's interest.

On the table were elegant but oversized salt and pepper grinders, along with a set of unlit candles that Thane was happy not to pay any attention to until their waiter leaned over and a distinct _click_ met Thane's ears. His mouth seemed to go dry in an instant as his gaze drew from his Pokemon to the lighter held in the waiter's hand. Just as he honed in on the fire, just as he felt it begin to choke his breath like a hand clenching his throat, the bead of flame flickered out of existence.

His mother's hand rested on the waiter's wrist, smile robotic as she said, "I'm sorry, do you think we could dine without the candles tonight?"

With an air reminiscent of Striaton City, the waiter plucked the candelabrum up by the base. "I certainly don't see why not." He slid the lighter into his front pocket with a flourish. "Would you like us to remove those at the other table, as well?"

She considered the Pokemon's table then shook her head. "No, that shouldn't be necessary."

With a bow, their waiter assured them he'd be out with the complementary bread in no time and hurried to the kitchen. By the time he'd returned, Thane's jaw had unclenched enough that he could inquire first if the vegetable biryani was vegan, then if the rice could be substituted for quinoa. He ended up settling for brown rice while his mother ordered the second cheapest item on the menu, a wild mushroom fettuccini--no chicken or peas. The waiter asked if they would be ordering for their Pokemon or if the Pokemon would be ordering themselves, and his mother thought about it for a moment before saying to give them what they wanted. With one last glance at One, she added, "Within reason."

It took a full two minutes after the waiter left for her to finally say, "You should really have some of the bread."

They'd had this conversation many times before and the voice was just as eager as Thane was to repeat it. "You know I don't eat gluten."

"I know." She spent a moment grinding her oral mucosa between her second molar metacones. A nervous habit. "But, you know, I've read all of those studies and none of them offer conclusive evidence that--"

"It's better to be safe than sorry."

She sighed. "Honey, you aren't going to develop Alzheimer's from eating a few slices of bread."

The voice noted Thane's hunger and he could feel it beginning to agree, but he put up such a resistance that it just cringed and said, "It builds up."

She sighed again, adopting a conflicted frown for the rest of their wait, but ultimately dropping the issue, much to his relief. Occasionally she would ask him questions: how were his travels going; was he was keeping up with his yoga; was he was making sure to take care of his Pokemon; how many trainers had he faced? The voice's answers were mostly honest. Yes, he was doing yoga and taking care of his Pokemon as he'd been taught to; being able to take care of Pokemon was one of the conditions of his release, after all. He had been in a few battles other than those against Gym Leaders, but mostly he avoided trainers.

She said maybe that was for the best.

The voice denied comment and fought a sneer.

Their meal upon the waiter's return was quiet and offered relief from his mother's attempts at conversation. Thane thought the food excellently prepared and superbly overpriced, if not a bit spicier than he preferred. Whatever the Pokemon had ordered seemed to be similarly pleasing, as they forgot themselves half-way through and even began to act cheerfully. Six was particularly boisterous, but as Thane and the voice appeared the only ones bothered by it, they fought the urge to quiet her. Occasionally when they looked over she'd catch their gaze and offer a serious nod, so they assumed that, at the very least, she had the situation under control.

It was only once everyone had finished eating and they were waiting an unnecessarily long amount of time for the bill, as if to make sure they didn’t want any dessert, that his mother finished off the glass of wine she'd ordered in the middle of the meal and said, "Thane, I need to talk to you about something."

Thane was aware of a burning in the pit of his stomach, the distant spark of a relit fuse and something coiling tight within him, but at the same time the question made him feel cold, and he didn't have time to sort it all about before the voice asked, "What about?"

"About your medication."

"It's been working fine." Thane's shoulders shrugged in attempt to shake off the tension building atop them, but as they fell the same amount of weight came back down with them. Thane could feel his heart pick up. "No symptoms of addiction or neural adaptation that I can tell. Of course, it _would_ help if I knew what I was taking in the first place."

"And if it weren't for your nasty habit of developing adverse symptoms the next _day_ , we'd all be more than happy to tell you. I know it's not fair, but this is the only option you've given us."

"Are you saying I'm suggestible?"

Her mouth flattened. "That's actually what I want to talk about."

A sigh left him, but it only seemed to fan the spark burning in his chest. Thane felt it grow to a modest blaze, eating away at a fuse that led to somewhere he couldn't follow. "Yeah, you and a whole army of shrinks." The voice's tone grew sarcastic. "What's the word you liked to use with them? Gullible, was it--or maybe vulnerable?"

"I know you've stopped taking your medication."

The world slammed to a halt and as Thane drew back he realized that the anger wasn't his, because the burning only intensified as his own mind numbed with the thought: _she knows_. She knows she knows she--

_Shut up._

"I'm sorry," the voice said. "What?"

\--knows she knows she kno--

_Shut up._

"I said that I know you haven't been taking your medication."

\--ws she knows sh--

**_Will you fuckin shut the fuck up?_ **

But she--

_Calm down, I'm going to do something about it._

But--

_The fuck did I just tell you?_

"I don't know what," it grit Thane's teeth and stumbled over its words as it cut swears from its sentence, "you're talking about."

Despite the voice’s efforts, though, she placed her hands flat on top of the table and insisted, "I want to speak with my son."

"I'm right here."

She just repeated herself, voice lower. "I want to speak with my _son_."

"You _are_ talking to your son," the voice said, all easygoingness dying out in favor of a growling edge, and hormones swirled in Thane's head until he felt dizzy. And when his mother just looked at him levelly, unconvinced, the voice spat, "I'm right here, _mom_."

She folded her hands and whispered, "Please."

The fire grew until Thane's face felt hot with it. "You _are_ speaking to me."

"You aren't my son."

"I am!"

His mother recoiled at that, frown tightening as she sucked in a breath and wound for a retort, but the fuse's final fibers fizzled and all that had been pent up detonated. The voice had Thane on his feet before she could word her thoughts, the suddenness of the motion sending his chair skidding out from behind him.

"Then what the fuck am I?!" It slammed Thane's hands on the table for emphasis. His mother's eye twitched, but the fact that she hadn't flinched just seemed to make the voice angrier. "Fuckin bitch, bet you think you're so fuckin smart cause you can tell us apart. You're real fuckin clever. Shit, listening to you talk makes me wanna fuckin puke. If I'm not your son, then _what the fuck_ does that make me, you dumb shit?!"

Thane spoke up then, desperate and weak, Please, stop, you're just making things worse.

" _Don't_ fuckin tell me what to do you goddamn piece of shit. You're just as bad as she is. You both think you're so fuckin _great_. It's a fucking joke. I could kill every single fucking--"

" _Stop_." Thane's mom cut in. "You're making a scene and people are staring. Your _Pokemon_ are staring."

The voice forced a laugh from Thane's throat. "Is that supposed to fuckin _mean_ something? Let them fuckin stare. You're the one who fuckin brought this shit up here. You _knew_ what was gonna happen."

"I was hoping you'd be a bit more sensible."

"Yeah, well fuck _you_. You want sensible? I'll fuckin _show_ you sensible."

Please stop, Thane said, but he felt paralyzed as his head turned to the condiments. Even as he begged _please_ , fantasies of what could be flashed through Thane's mind and he put up little resistance as his hand reached for the unnecessarily large pepper grinder. It was curved and heavy, but the grainy wooden surface felt like perfection in their hand. It felt _perfect_. Their heart raced and time seemed to slow as the anticipation choked them.

"Shoulda done this a long fuckin time ago."

They’d barely finished their sentence when a strong hand wrapped around their arm and tugged them away from the table. They stumbled in an attempt to keep from toppling as they were pulled off their center of gravity, turning their head just in time to register a blue and black face, brow wrinkled in an irritable scowl.

Everything went dark.


	23. Commencement pt. 10

Those six months spanning the fire to her son's return came to Marie in nothing more than a nightmarish rush, and it had little to do with the ten years that degraded them. Before Isaac came back, it seemed as if the fire had taken everything. Her son and husband had burned away. Her home had been engulfed and swallowed. Years of research gone. Her future was stolen and her past was unreachable. The present seemed to drag on, and for the first three months she turned to the bottle to urge its passing. The latter three months were spent, at Kurt's urging, rebuilding her house and attending AA meetings. She was a month clean by the time she got news they'd found him deep in the forest west of the Lake of Rage.

She remembered standing in the rain and feeling the sun shine down on her for the first time in six months. It was as if, all at once, her sky cleared of the smoke and ash clouding it.

Isaac spent two weeks in the hospital. Marie had waited only as long as the doctors needed to ensure his burns didn't turn gangrenous or reject the grafting to take him home. He hadn't seemed curious about the new house when they arrived, and she couldn't remember him asking any questions about it. Due to all the downed wood and land left cleared in the wake of the fire, she had managed to construct it extraordinarily cheaply. That, and the fact that there wasn't a single carpenter in Azalea Town who wasn't reliant on Illex Forest, and thus indebted in some way to her late husband. Those who couldn't afford to work for free did so at a significant discount. But it wasn't until she'd wheeled Isaac in through the front door that she felt grateful.

In hindsight, Marie thought the time he spent bedridden immediately following his return was her favorite. She was still high with the thrill that he was alive, and, although it made her physically uncomfortable to see him in so much pain, she had been able to spent all day nursing him back to health. His hands had still been swollen and useless from the grafting, so she'd had to do everything for him, from feeding to dressing to bathing. It was like he'd been reborn. For twelve days, just as if he were an infant, she was his entire world. For thirty-seven, he was hers.

Then the money ran out.

By that time, he'd retained enough independence and freedom of movement that she felt comfortable leaving him alone for short periods of time, so she resolved to find a job that would support the two of them. In a stroke of luck, the local Gym just happened to need a horticulturist and part-time secretary to replace the one that had just taken maternity leave. Three days a week, Marie was forced to spent long hours working in the city, and she rented a live-in Chikorita trained in nursing to take care of him in her absence. Her husband had been well-known within the academic sphere, so Elm had given her a fair price.

Isaac's condition fluctuated from day to day. Even as his cuts and burns healed, he kept himself shut off. On the good days, he would speak with provocation, but such day came between long periods where he would say nothing at all. The worst days usually came following these stretches of silence, in which he would wake up screaming and it would take hours to calm him down. Even as his fits grew increasingly violent, Marie managed to convince herself that he was gradually getting better. If it had been a while between episodes, she could tell herself that they were getting less frequent, or if he responded quicker than usual to her comforting, she could say that he was reverting back to the person he'd once been.

It wasn't until she came back one evening to find him elbows-deep in the Chikorita that she realized something in her son had fundamentally changed, and that the boy she'd lost would never truly return to her. That time wouldn't be enough to heal what had been done to him.

She realized at that point that he needed help beyond what she could offer, but she refused to institutionalize him even so. She tried to pretend it had never happened, and that she didn't notice the horribly stained clothes he hid in piles of dirty laundry, or the mounds of upturned dirt that began to pepper the land surrounding the house, or that whenever she'd come home to find he'd ruptured his scars again, he'd just give her that disarmingly innocent smile that only came out when he'd done something truly terrible and explain, "I was only playing, mom."

Of course, she couldn't leave him alone, and she couldn't hire another Chikorita, so she left her Furret at home to watch over him while she worked and continued to send bi-weekly payments to Professor Elm. Her eyes glazed over and her smile automatized. She began drinking again. Before long, her Furret disappeared.

Even then, it took until late that night before she was able to gather the courage to bring it up. If she thought about it, the fact that she was afraid to confront her own six-year-old son should have been hint enough that their relationship had crumbled into little more than a maternal farce. By the time she entered his room, she was well passed buzzed, but she distinctly remembered his expression as his eyes traveled from her face to the bottle in her hand. Usually she would knock, so first came surprise, then a brief confusion, but once he'd caught sight of the bottle that damnable smile caught and his eyes had lit with something rotten.

"I wonder where your Furret ran off to," he'd said. She might even have been able to will herself to believe him were his voice less smug. "I sure hope she's okay."

All the blood had rushed to Marie's head at once. It was the only time she'd ever struck him. She couldn't remember the words she'd screamed at him specifically, but she was sure that she'd called him a lying little shit more than a few times. The fact that words were leaving her mouth seemed more important at the moment than what she was actually saying, and the feeling had been so invigorating that she hadn't been able to stop until she'd calmed down enough to notice Isaac's hunched figure, tiny hands white-knuckled over his ears. His eyes had been wide and unseeing as he gasped and let out shuddering, unsteady breaths, all the blood drained from his face, and in an instant he was her baby again. They spent that night together, and Marie took an extended leave the following day.

When the Gym informed her that they really couldn't allow her anymore time off, she quit.

For seven more weeks, she spent all of her time with Isaac, making sure that he was behaving and doing her best to undo the damage she'd done. He was more timid following her outburst, quicker to flinch, and as the days went by, he only became more volatile. To prepare for an extended period of hermitdom, Marie began working extensively in the garden, enlisting Isaac's help when he felt up to it. She thought that, even if the money ran out again, as long as they had a forest and a vegetable garden to provide for them, they would be able to make it for as long as Isaac needed.

It all came to an end one morning when she knocked on his door to wake him, and he answered with a pinched, "Don't come in!"

Marie had never opened a door so quickly in her life. She still remembered the scene she came in on like a panorama. Red was the first thing that struck her. An impossibly huge amount of red. It seemed to cover every inch of his body, dripping down his legs and from his elbows to soak the floor and the bedding. His shocked face stood out in ashen contrast, paler than she'd ever seen it. Something glistened in his hand through the red coating it. In the corner of the room, a mirror laid shattered. His panicked expression as he hurried to remove the glass from his arm. Within the second Marie spent frozen in the doorway, the image engraved itself into her retinas.

She had tried to ask him what had happened, but all that came out was a scream.

In between lapses of consciousness on their way to the hospital, he told her that he hadn't wanted to die, but that he'd needed to get out the nothing or it would have killed him.

He entered his first institution, a lovely area just south of Olivine, the next day under the false pretense of a failed suicide attempt.

\---

Marie's first matter of business was paying the bill. The waiter cast Isaac a curious glance and his voice was strained with concern, but he was kind enough not to ask, so she left him a better tip than he would have deserved otherwise. The blue Pokemon that had rendered her son unconscious, Marie believed he had called it a Sawk, helped her drag him out and into a taxi, whereupon the three of them and the Scraggy, who had refused her Pokeball, returned to The Shinx. It was almost a relief to have him out cold; it would have been nearly impossible to get him in an automobile otherwise.

Their driver was rather less considerate. Although Marie appreciated his feigned indifference as the two Pokemon entered his cab, he didn't quiet until she informed him that, no, she would not be going to the hospital, but to The Shinx Hotel, if he would be so kind. She pretended not to notice the less-than-subtle tug at his shirt, exposing a scuffed couple of Pokeballs at his waist. She smiled wryly and stroked her son's hair, curled and untamable just as his father's had been, for the remainder of the ride.

A few more minutes had them pulling up to the hotel. The taxi driver barely hesitated before asking if she wouldn't like some help getting to her room, but the way his fingers drummed on the steering wheel spoke his transparent stolidity, and Marie declined. The Sawk was plenty strong enough by himself, and Marie was sturdier than she looked.

So they dragged Isaac out of the car and past the thick, unvarnished wood doors that marked the entrance to The Shinx. The hotel put up an inconspicuous front, virtually unnoticeable other than a shabby sign propped up before the entrance, swooping letters spelling the hotel's name, the X a stylized Shinx tail. Past the doors, though, it transformed into a picture of glossy marble and red carpets, of rich gilding and a professional staff that knew when to be attentive and, more importantly, when to turn a blind eye.

There were places like The Shinx in every city. Places where the people making reservations or coming to and from elevators appeared normal at first glance, but a second revealed cracks in the paint. Places where it was just as common to meet a crook as it was a down-and-out celebrity. Places where the lines between the two blurred.

Marie could read such places like the back of her hand.

The concierge glanced over at the group of them as they approached the elevators, her expression a careful balance between expectant and glazed until Marie's hardened stare, a silent request that the woman kindly mind her own business, tipped the scale. The concierge's eyes flickered by as if they were invisible and landed on someone behind them. There was a second's recognition, but it had drained almost before it had a chance to set and she just turned to focus straight ahead.

No one had bought Marie's ignorance, so when the approaching man announced his presence with a yawn, she was sure to give him a careful once-over. He wore a grey suit, simple but well-fitting, and carried his fatigue in heavy shoulders. On his collar was a red smudge that might have been lipstick. He wore a genial expression, but Marie didn't like the distinct slipperiness hidden in his eyes. For some reason, he seemed familiar, but Marie was sure they'd never met.

"Like'um young, huh?" he asked.

She could read the joke in the man's tone, but her eyes narrowed nonetheless. "He's my _son_."

"Hey, it's none of my business. I was just wonder if you'd like some help, uh, relocating him. I've got some Pokemon that might be of assistance--"

“That isn’t necessary,” she said.

His polite smile took a turn for the sardonic. “Course not. Just figured it'd be courteous to ask.”

The elevator doors whirred open then, so he motioned her and the Sawk in first. The Scraggy trailed after them, sending cautious glances at the stranger, while the Sawk took in the elevator fervently, body tense. The man walked in after them, situating himself in front of the buttons with a finger held up in preparation.

“Which floor?”

“Second.”

The man pressed the button marked with a two and let his hand fall back to his side. A sterile aroma wafted from him as he moved, the kind of synthetic purity that could only have come from someone with something to hide, edged with just a hint of something singed. Marie knew his type. A charismatic producer who skipped the middle man. She supposed that within the scope of The Shinx, lugging around an unconscious body, she appeared the quintessential buyer. She could only hope they were roomed on separate floors.

As she felt the weight of ascension press down on her, though, the man didn’t raise his hand again. The Sawk jolted at the sudden motion, while the Scraggy seemed unaffected by it, continuously giving the man quick looks until he caught her gaze and winked. Marie spent the duration of their solitude fighting hostility from her expression and trying to come up with a way to shake the man off, but was relieved to find that he didn’t follow them off the elevator, instead offering them a parting smirk.

“Well, if you’re sure you don’t need any help…”

“We don’t.”

He bowed in a mockery of deference. “Then I guess this is goodbye.”

Marie offered him little more than a frown in acknowledgment before continuing on to her son’s room, Scraggy tailing afterward. When they reached the door, Marie dug through his pockets until she got to the key tucked safely in his jacket.

\---

The room wasn't any different than she'd been expecting: mostly barren and not nearly as comfortable as it should have been for all the money it took to rent it. The bed was thinly-mattressed and even more thinly-blanketed, the carpeting atrocious. A phone and a table, a small wooden cabinet hiding a smaller television, a table, a chair, a nightstand, a filthy coffeemaker. She supposed that most people didn't come to The Shinx for luxury anyway.

The bed seemed to be clean of stains at the very least, though, so she brought Isaac over to it with the Sawk's help, taking off his boots and then tucking him in. She dragged the rickety chair from its place lining the equally rickety table to the bedside, but didn't sit in it for more than the moment it took to brush a lock of hair from her son's face, tan and sunken, then she stood to search through his backpack. As she dug around for the bottle of pills that she could only _hope_ was still there, she looked to the Sawk, standing attentive in his karategi.

She hesitated, movements growing sluggish as she worked up the will to ask, "Has my son been treating you will?" She wondered as the words left her mouth if she really wanted to know the answer.

The Scraggy, situated on the bed beside Isaac, shot the Sawk a warning glare that Marie had only ever seen matched by riot police before turning to her and bobbing her head enthusiastically. The Sawk took a moment to roll his eyes, but as he inhaled for a sigh, he paused half-way, seemed to hesitate, and then gave a nod of his own, more resigned.

Marie wanted to feel relieved by it, but she couldn't stifle her doubt.

"He hasn't hurt any of you, or been cruel?"

The following nod was no more certain than the one before it had been, but at the very least, she told herself, from what she could tell, Isaac's Pokemon didn't seem to be afraid of him. Ten years had taught her that change wouldn't just happen overnight; realistically, so early on, the best that she could hope for was that nothing went seriously wrong.

"I apologize if he's done anything... strange. He's not so bad if he takes his medication, but--"

Marie paused as she pulled out the pill bottle, lying unused at the bottom, contents almost unchanged since she'd last seen it. He must have abandoned it almost as soon as he set foot out of Nuvema Town.

"--once he's back on it, he should go back to normal. Well, back to how he was before. Well. He'll be _more_ normal. He just hates taking pills..." She looked up from the pills to the Sawk in consideration, opening her mouth to speak again, but her shoulders deflated as she cut herself just short of voicing her thoughts.

The Pokemon grunted a question, brow creased, but she shook her head.

"Oh, no, never mind," she said. "I was thinking I might ask if you could help make sure he takes his medication when I'm not around, but I couldn't possibly ask you to be take responsibility for something like that." No matter how much of a relief it would have been to know that a Pokemon capable of physically restraining her son was playing nurse for her.

Hope stuck in her expression even as she tried to rid herself of it, so she stuck on a smile and tried to blink it out of her eyes. Setting the bag back down against one of the table legs, she made her way to the bathroom, where she located two upturned, dusty glasses. She knew he'd have a fit if she tried to give him bottled water, so she wiped the dust off and rinsed them out. Really, she thought, she'd never met anyone so worried about their BPA intake in her life, and it wasn't as if one bottle of water would singlehandedly destroy the watershed.

But the train of thought was only temporary, because, as she inspected one of the cups, it was replaced by the question, _What am I going to do?_

She stopped as the thought settled in her mind, leaving little room for anything else.

_What am I going to do?_

Marie set down the glass and wrung her hands to prevent their shaking. The worst thing she could do was keep this to herself. She knew that. After finding out that he'd been off of his medication, after finding out that the other _thing_ inside of him had gotten out already, she couldn't just send him off as if nothing had happened. Marie was fairly confident that, if it came down to it, she could take an emaciated teenager in a fight, but she didn't want to think about what he would have done had he not been stopped. It made her feel sick.

Blue appeared in the corner of her eye, but she was distracted enough that it didn't register.

She couldn't just tell someone what had happened; while his psychologist supported the idea of him going out on his own, if the wrong person found, out they'd lock him up and it'd be all over. His future gone, just like that. Marie couldn't do that to him.

Tough, leathery skin brushed her arm and she jumped. Finally recognizing the blue, she tried to steady her expression, swallowing to clear her throat of the lump that had accumulated. She glanced back towards the bed, but she couldn't hear anything, so she doubted that Isaac had woken.

"Is, um."

Her voice was just a bit too thick. She tried again.

"Yes?"

The Sawk motioned toward the container of pills on the counter, grunting a question. He tilted his head and quirked his brow expectantly.

"That's Isa-- _Thane's_ medication," she said. "I'm going to have him take it when he wakes up. Hopefully then we can talk about..." Marie trailed off. She wasn't even sure where to begin. She was about to settle on the word 'something,' when the Pokemon picked up the bottle. It gave it a curious shake, frown deepening as it rattled. There was nothing in them that could harm Pokemon, but Marie found herself having to resist the urge to take the bottle away nonetheless.

Instead, she occupied herself with giving the glass she'd been holding another look to make sure it was clean. Satisfied, she filled it with water and walked over to set the glass on the nightstand beside her son. The Sawk followed after her, container in hand, and he ignored the way the Scraggy bared her teeth at him as he passed by the foot of the bed. Isaac was beginning to stir, so Marie sat herself in the chair she'd prepared.

He had a tendency to twitch in his sleep occasionally, just quick movements in his hands or face, but as the nightmares intensified, it always developed into thrashing. It had been a bit of an issue when she'd been nursing him back to health, because he would often knock against things in his sleep and wake up with ruptured scars and bloody sheets.

And blood-covered blankets.

Marie didn't allow herself the time to think about it. Reaching out a hand to his shoulder, she leaned in to whisper a gentle, "Sweetie, it's time to wake up."

He startled under her touch, stiffening and falling dead still for a moment before he gasped and slapped her hand away. It didn't sting as much when she knew to expect it, but it was still hard watching him scoot away from her with those wide, unseeing eyes, then curl in on himself as he began whispering words that she didn't have to hear to know. She wished that there was something that she could do to help him realize that everything was alright, that she was there, that it was all a dream and that he was safe. To remind him that he was _breathing_. But she knew that trying to say something before he was ready to hear it would only make things worse. The dreams were always more intense when he was off of his medication.

The Scraggy shot uncertain looks between her and her son as Marie reached out towards the Sawk. "The bottle," she said, voice low enough that it wouldn't reach Isaac. "Please." She didn't have time to take out a pill before Isaac had unfurled enough to begin searching the room, eyes darting frantically but still blind to the world around him. His chest rose and fell in time with the quiet words tumbling out of his mouth, hands tugging at hair that hardly needed the provocation.

Glazed over as they were, his eyes were open now, so Marie called out to him. His name rolled off of her tongue as soft as a lullaby.

"Isaac."

It was such a beautiful name. She wished she could use it more often.

The boy's head shot over at the sound of her voice, his gaze finding the Sawk beside her first. He opened his mouth as rage burned away the hazy underbrush and focused his vision, but he seemed to deflate as he zoned in on Marie, and the tension in the back of her throat eased as he looked away and posited a shaky, "I-I'm not... Wh-what happened?"

The voice didn't stutter.

Instead of answering his question, Marie said, "I need you to do me a favor, okay?"

The movement of her hands as she twisted off the pill bottle's cap caught his attention, and his expression turned wary. He seemed to shrink under the blankets as he mumbled, "I don't want to."

"I know you don't, honey, but you need to," she said, then soothingly, "It's so you can be normal again. You want to be normal again, don't you?"

He inhaled deeply as she fished a pill from its bright orange case and focused on the wall directly in front of him. "I guess."

Marie paused. "What do you mean, you guess?"

"I just want to feel happy again."

"You will," she tried to assure him, but it came out weaker than she'd meant it to, so she said it again, more forcefully. "You _will_ , but getting you back to normal comes first. You're broken the way you are right now... You won't start feeling better until you're fixed."

They'd had the discussion countless times. Isaac understood that everything they were doing right now was necessary, medication included, he just needed someone based in reality to help him sort it all out every once in a while. Even so, he hesitated as she held a pill out to him.

"Did you tell my psychologist?" he asked. "O-or Professor Juniper?"

She shook her head. "I haven't told anyone." And it was only when Isaac's pause elongated that Marie realized perhaps it was the wrong thing to say.

His pinched expression faded into stoicism, but she knew him well enough that she could read the ideas passing through his head. His gaze lingered thoughtfully at the glass of water on the nightstand, and Marie's hand flew to it instinctually. She didn't notice as the water sloshed to wet the dusty wood, and then her shirt as she cradled it to herself. She reminded herself not to _look_ scared, because _looking_ scared was the best way to make him think that whatever he was thinking was plausible.

He continued to stare at the glass for a moment, even as it was partially obscured from his view, before he looked down to notice the Scraggy beside him for the first time. A spark of chilling curiosity lit then, and as he rested his unoccupied hand on her head, he shifted his attention to the Sawk. In an instant, the rage had returned, and Isaac's body tensed with it like a spring. The Scraggy didn't wince, but Marie noticed his fingers tightening around her head. 

The Sawk, meanwhile, stood straight as a sentinel, unblinkingly confident and with upturned lips that even begged a _dare_. Isaac's breathing slowed, and time seemed to slow with it. As his gaze flittered back to the cup in Marie's hands, the air around her went thin. He was considering burying the evidence.

His expression darkened--

" _Thane_." The falsified strength in her own voice nearly made her jump as her warning echoed off the walls. For a second, danger flashed across Isaac's face, but another saw his shoulders falling wearily.

His hand left the Scraggy and he buried it in his hair as his head drooped forward. He fisted the hand and tugged. "Fine." It was more a sigh than a word. 

Even so, there was still the possibility that he was having _some_ kind of thought, so Marie waited until he'd put the pill in his mouth to hand over the glass she'd been guarding. She was grateful to the confidence that the heavy shifting beside her brought with it.

For what she hoped was the last time that day, she found her heart beating flush in her throat as Isaac brought the cup to his lips. His throat bobbed in a swallow large enough to make him choke, and she extended a hand to his back as he let out a single cough. Tears welled in his eyes, but he didn't pause long before he'd begun drinking again, and he didn't stop until there wasn't a drop left. A deep breath was followed by a coughing fit, but once it had calmed and he'd wiped the water from his mouth and eyes, he took another. He let it fill him this time, diaphragm constricting until replete, and then he held it.

Marie retracted her hand and balled it up in her lap.

_Inhale the good, exhale the bad._

His face untwisted one fold at a time, and his head fell back as he released the breath, leaving him staring blankly up at the ceiling. In her relief, Marie couldn't resist the urge to lean forward and wrap her arms around him. She moved in slowly, but still felt guilty when he flinched. For a second, it seemed as if he might struggle out of her arms, but when he just stiffened she took it as consent and tucked her chin down to kiss him on the forehead.

"You're a good boy," she whispered into his hair, and a sudden conviction choked her. "You're a _good boy_. You'll get through this. I'm sure of it." 

Just so long as he kept medicated.


	24. Thundergut Extra

Before Thundergut was Thundergut, he'd been Rod, and before Rod, he'd been Buzzkill, a play on his original name, Buzz. Before he was Buzz, he'd just been one of the many nameless Minun populating the electric clique of Route 110. That had been fifteen or more years ago, but he remembered hordes of Electrike and gangs of Voltorb, packs of Plusle and migrations of Magnemite from the abandoned New Mauville, in addition to his relatives, the Minun that drifted as if drawn by the wind, as aimless as clouds as they moved from one patch of grass to the next.

The days before Russell came and snatched him up had been incredibly dull. As a Minun with little interest in the surrounding Plusle, there were few things to entertain him and even less to tie him down. He'd had a family, of course--a mother and father and plenty of siblings--but they were all Minun, and there was never much to say about a Minun. Parents reared with the expectation that their children could be caught at any moment and families preferred to maintain a careful separation. He wondered if his parents even remembered him, or if he should be upset that they probably didn't.

Or if he should be comforted by the fact that Russell, at the very least, _had_ to remember him.

The boy'd only been twelve when he came to Route 110. A bit of a late bloomer, but he’d been dead-set on training electric-types as his father and grandfather had before him, and, with such a history, his family knew that electric-types necessitated a higher maturity than easier-to-tame types such as normal or grass. They ran a similar risk to fire-types, being less destructive in general, but harder to predict. Originating from Vermillion City, he'd only spent as much time in Slateport as the cruise ship he drifted in on allowed. 

His parents had only allowed his ownership of a Pokemon a few months prior. He'd said that, yeah, he _could_ have started out with a Magnemite or Pikachu or something like that, but he knew that if he waited he'd be the only one in the Gym with Hoenn-bred Pokemon other than the Leader, a bragging right he just couldn’t pass up. In addition to Thundergut, he'd also captured a Plusle and Electrike with the help of his dad's Jolteon. The Electrike had been a family friend, but Thundergut had kept the Plusle a distant acquaintance for a reason. Despite all the boy did to try and get them to cooperate, they had _not_ gotten along.

To say that Russell had been disappointed would have been an understatement. It was a commonly-held belief that Plusle and Minun came in pairs, after all. And it was even true, to some extent. Clashing personalities and polarized physiologies drew Plusle and Minun together almost as effectively as did the social conditioning, and there had been a time when Thundergut had assumed he'd, too, end up the negative half of a Plusle-Minun equation. If he remembered right, there'd been a Plusle who he'd found surprisingly tolerable, but neither of them had been particularly fond of the idea of becoming accessories to one another. Occasionally they'd meet to balance charges, but it wasn't more than a fling.

He'd tried balancing charges exactly once with Russell's Plusle, but the chemistry wasn't there and he'd made a point to use the Electrike after that. Electrike didn't need their charges balanced like Plusle and Minun did, but electric Pokemon native to Route 110 tended to be accommodating regardless--non-native Pokemon didn't usually understand the necessity, and they didn't like the idea of feeding him their positive ions. It seemed too strange and foreign a of concept. They'd redirect him to the Plusle.

Undoubtedly, they'd both ended up using the Electrike as a balancer. Even with a Gym full of electric-types, the Electrike had been the only one Thundergut could turn to.

He remembered that getting acclimated to the rapid change from Hoenn to Kanto had been somewhat trying, but life hadn't actually been so bad. Russell had realized relatively quickly that Thundergut wasn't quite the team player his species was made out to be, and the amount of time he had to spend training in the Vermillion City Gym thankfully dwindled after that. He'd never really gotten along well with Surge or his Raichu. Even _he_ could only stand being called 'virtually meritless' so many times before it got to him. One of his deepest regrets was probably that he'd never be able to shove those words back in their faces.

But it was a long trip from Unova to Kanto, and there was the chance that he'd encounter Russell again if he went back, too. Thundergut didn't want to risk it, even if it was unlikely they'd recognize each other after so many years; they'd only known each other for eight months before Johnny took him, after all.

It had thus been a good seven months since his name had switched to Buzzkill, and Team Rocket had been at the height of their power. Johnny and a handful of other top officers had taken to conducting high-risk-high-reward Gym raids. One group would act as martyrs, taking on the more dangerous role of luring out the Leader, while the other rushed in to sweep the Gym of its Pokemon in his or her wake. On average, the organizers tended to be overconfident and not particularly successful, but operations always panned out when Johnny was in charge. He would offer himself the lone martyr and pick only the Rocket members that he knew had nimble hands and sticky fingers, then return without more than tousled hair and the occasional bruise.

Thundergut remembered trying to fight and being severely outclassed by a Steelix, later introduced as Glinda. She was another one of Johnny's Pokemon--loaned to the grunts for the duration of the operation, along with Robin the Smeargle, while he distracted Surge in the pits of Diglett Cave.

More than thirty Pokemon had been stolen that day. It was a long-agreed-upon rule that returning martyrs got first pick of the spoils, so when Johnny reunited with the group, signature grin affixed to his face, he'd been able to pick out an Elekid, the Electrike, a Magnemite, an egg they'd found locked in the bottom drawer of Surge's desk, and, of course, Thundergut, all without a word of complaint or challenge from the people around him. Johnny had once said that it was his policy to only train Pokemon he found interesting, and to train them from the ground-up, if possible. Never the same Pokemon twice, making an exception only for the four Vanilluxe that Polaris had forced on him, so he'd opted out of the Plusle. Although he'd never said it in so many words, Thundergut was sure he'd only been selected for his notable inferiority to her.

He had been one of the few Pokemon that didn't warm up to Johnny right away, although it could very well have boiled down to his own nature rather than any objections he had regarding Johnny as a trainer. The others he'd taken from Vermillion had been wary at first, and the Magnemite had even tried to go on the offensive, but his Sandslash had popped right out of the ground and blocked the attack effortlessly. Sandy, he thought her name was, but he'd probably seen her twice since the move to Unova. He remembered thinking that it lacked inspiration and kind of liking her for it.

By the time the egg had hatched, they'd all been under Johnny's thumb, and although he and the Mangemite-turned-Magneton still weren't quite ready to eat off his palms they were obedient. The man had the kind of charisma that Pokemon latched onto. Cheery smiles and playful jabs, extremely efficient training, just enough attention that they all felt special. It was far from what Thundergut had expected of Team Rocket. Even before Lightningbutt, he found himself begrudgingly growing to like being on Johnny's team, if only for that intoxicating feeling of his power growing rapidly; in hindsight, he supposed it might have helped that Johnny tended to see him as an individual rather than just a representation of his species.

And then Lightningbutt hatched.

At the time, her name was Veronica, but everyone called her Ronny for short. She was a Pichu for four days, then spent the following month as a Pikachu before Johnny'd given her a thunder stone. Thundergut could barely picture her as anything but a Raichu anymore. He could remember when she hatched, static clinging to downy fur and a thick, zigzagging tail. Soft yellow and cheeks that were first pecha pink, then tamato red. She'd been able to sit on Johnny's shoulder back then, fairly comfortably even as a Pikachu. As a Pichu she'd waddled, and by the time she evolved she'd been lighter on her feet. Stubby limbs, an awkward clash of hard angles and soft curves... Classically cute, perhaps, but ultimately lacking.

To him, Lightningbutt was rather a sunrise glimmering off the water back in Route 110. Every morning, the sun would rise fresh, bright and blazing yellow as it was born of the horizon, dying the sky and water surrounding it the same rich, burnt orange as her fur. He would watch it sometimes in his youth, awed by the beauty and careless to the way the scene burned dark circles in his eyes. The night's starry, moon-lit skies had always humbled him, making him feel small and diminutive as he reclined against a tree or in the long grass to look up at them. They were a constant reminder that he was hardly more than a particle of dust on a meaningless blot of a world in a speck of a galaxy, mercilessly weighing his utter insignificance down upon him until the sunrise signaled their yielding retreat.

Every morning, it was as if sunrise brought him back to life. Daily reincarnation, like clockwork.

He'd told Lightningbutt once, but she hadn't understood, and he hadn't expected her to.

People liked to say it was because she'd only been a Pichu for a few days that she still acted like one as a Raichu. They scolded Johnny, half-jokingly, that he should've gone easier on her--made her dislike him a little more. Given her a bit more time to live out her infancy. But even as a part of Johnny's team, or maybe especially as a part of Johnny's team, there was no time for luxuries like childhood in Team Rocket. If Thundergut resented him, though, it was for another reason entirely. And not for the name, either, because they'd deserved that, honestly.

If Thundergut resented him, and after fifteen years he still couldn't be sure if he really did, it was for the glimmer in Lightningbutt's eyes whenever they felt that Gardevoir of his pop into proximity, Miles's mind a soft pressure against their skulls that might have been unpleasant if it wasn't so familiar.

Every time, she'd turn to him, cheeks sparking her excitement, and say, "You think Johnny's with him?"

Thundergut would answer, "He's probably busy."

"Probably," she'd agree, but her expression would turn devious as she continued. "Let's prank'im."

To date, Thundergut had never been able to refuse.

More often than not, Miles would catch on to what they were doing, but he'd only stop them if they were in a hurry or Johnny was in a particularly nasty mood. On the day the two of them got their new names, Miles must have known about them stealing the spores from Johnny's lab and mentioned it to the Gengar Johnny kept at his heels, because it'd been easy to sneak up on him and climb up his back, even with an open baggy of spores hanging from his mouth and a fresh chesto stuffed into his cheek to ensure it didn't get to him.

Johnny'd been in the process of turning around, confused, when Thundergut poured the contents onto the nape of his neck, and he crumpled almost instantly. Spooks popped from the shadows so that he could roll on the ground with laughter, and Miles giggled to himself quietly, but Thundergut's eyes had gone to Lightningbutt immediately for the blinding sunshine smile and the laughs that tickled his ears. Her radiant approval warmed him from the inside out, and for a moment as he bathed in it that nagging hole in his heart that reminded him so often she would never be his would close up. He would try not to return her smile and fail every time.

The first time they'd spored him, Johnny had woken up confused but in good spirits. Lightningbutt had hopped onto him delightedly when he reached over to ruffle her fur. "I don't know what I'm going to do with you rascals," he'd said with a less-than-irritable sigh. "Do you have any idea how busy I am?"

_Not too busy for that woman last night_ , Miles said, perhaps with more venom he'd meant to, because he crossed his arms soon after and added, _Not that I care, you're not really that busy is all._

Johnny'd rolled his eyes. "That was a _job_. I did it for the money, not cause I was free."

_You only prostitute yourself when you're free._

"I think your idea of free and my idea of free are a little different," he'd said, a hint of true irritation tinting his voice, but it bled out as he looked to Lightningbutt and started poking at her sides. "Anyway, I'm not in the mood to argue with you about this right now."

Johnny'd spent the next few minutes tickling Lightningbutt into submission before she couldn't take it anymore and discharged, but it was a scene they'd all witnessed countless times, and Taser fizzed out from Johnny's cellphone to absorb half the blow, while Thundergut drank in the electricity pointed at Miles with little more than a twitch. It was a second's loss of control and lacked the edge of a real attack, so it barely stung an adequately-trained electric-type.

The Gengar, who was not electric-type and had been the only one not protected from the blast, leapt again from the shadows to roll on the floor, this time in an exaggeration of the pain he was in. Fluffers could have blocked the attack if he wanted to, but no one really liked Spooks enough to take a blow for him.

It took until their fifth time sporing him for Johnny to really get mad. Even then, all he said was, "I really need you to stop. I'm serious. You're wasting my stock, my time, my _money_... I promise I'll play with you some other time, but for now you need to cut it out."

Thundergut had been more than willing to cut their losses then, but Lightningbutt hadn't liked the tone Johnny'd taken or the way he hadn't given her so much as a smile. When he said they should probably lay off for a while, Lightningbutt had rejected the idea fervently. She didn't even wait until the next day to spore him again.

"It's what he gets for not paying attention to us," she said.

Thundergut had bit back the admission that he didn't really care one way or the other if Johnny paid them attention, instead mumbling, "I guess you're right."

The sixth time, Johnny had woken in the closest to a rage Thundergut had seen him. He'd bolted out of bed, pushing Lightningbutt off of him, and had barely been able to manage words. Eventually, as his hand reached for the doorknob, he looked back at them and said, "One more time and you'll really make me mad. None of us are going to be happy if I have to punish you."

Other than the dragons, Johnny rarely saw fit to punish his Pokemon. Thundergut had only witnessed it a handful of times, and only as a reaction to truly intolerable behavior, like when that Granbull of his nearly crushed Petrel's skull between her jaws. She hadn't liked that he'd gotten promoted before Johnny, if he remembered right. Miles had still been a Kirlia back then, so he'd been slower to pick up on nearby hostility, and Johnny'd only been able to take Dee with him when they teleported over--although it was the exposure of his face rather than the handicap that had upset him at the time.

Thundergut had never seen Dee in a battle personally, but they said she'd been with Johnny since before Giovanni had plucked him out of his prison cell, so it wouldn't have surprised him if she was stronger than all of them. Lightningbutt sometimes told him that she envied the Ditto. She said she wished she'd been born a Pokemon with a unique enough skill set to warrant spending every day with him like Dee had. That she wasn't so replaceable.

And as much as Thundergut had wanted to tell her that she wasn't, not to him, he knew she'd only sigh and tell him that he knew what she _meant_. She insisted that she could accept her time on his team had ended, but she was afraid of being forgotten.

So, it went without saying that they spored him for a seventh time.

Miles warned them beforehand as they approached, _I wouldn't advise doing it again. He's thinking he might rename you two._

Lightningbutt had scoffed.

_You wouldn't mind being called Lightningbutt and Thundergut?_

They'd both laughed at the thought. Although in hindsight it was a very _Johnny_ thing to do, it was so ridiculous that they could only see it as an empty threat at the time. That said, even the knowledge that it wasn't likely wouldn't have been enough to dissuade Lightningbutt.

_Don't say I didn't warn you_ , Miles said, but Spooks didn't interfere that time, either, and they all shared just as much of a chuckle until Johnny woke up.

To be perfectly honest, Thundergut didn't mind the name. It was marginally better than Buzzkill, and he'd never been particularly attached to Rod, as Lightningbutt had been to Ronny. He knew by then that human-given names were fluid, coming and going as trainers or peers sought to change them, so he no longer felt bothered or surprised when they did. Name changes within Team Rocket were common anyway--perhaps less so without Giovanni to assign them, but still nowhere nearing rare.

Moreover, the name change meant that he and Lightningbutt had, in one aspect, become accessories to one another. There was hardly an occasion where he wasn't mentioned in tandem to her anymore, and while it wasn't quite the pairing he desired in truth, it gave the illusion of it. And he supposed that was as much as he could ask for.


	25. Commencement pt. 11

Thane couldn't count the number of medications they'd had him on over the past ten years, but they all seemed to work similarly. Some exhausted him and some were numbing, while others disagreed with his biology. The worst ones mixed the chemicals in his brain around until he couldn't sleep or feel or reason, but he was rarely prescribed medication he was allergic to anymore, and it had been years since he'd last contemplated suicide. The pills he was currently on were fairly tame. They slowed things down and pushed them away, made sleep a bit easier and cut into his appetite, but didn't seem to be addictive and had yet to cause an imbalance in his neural receptors.

Moreover, they made the voice recede like an outgoing tide.

It drew into the background and drained from him slowly, presence shrinking until it was little more than a rolling seiche, but right before the waters flattened the voice would seethe forward, drowning Thane in a jumbled eruption of words and threats and ideas that made him _itch_. The waves filled him until he thought he might burst, the force of them breaking against his frontal squama enough to make his head spin, and at their center, like the eye of a storm, were the words, _**You need me.**_

For the first week, Thane's mother stayed with him at all times. After every trip to the bathroom, whether public or private, she took to smelling his breath to ensure he hadn't purged. Usually, though, all it took was a glance at his puffy eyes and sunken figure for her to connect the dots, and she'd delicately draw him in, whispering comforting words and running her hands through his hair. Ordinarily, he'd think it intolerable, but in those moments it seemed to make the world just a little more manageable. Whether it was due to his healing or the memory of how safe she used to make him feel, he couldn't say, but the voice would begin to fade.

But just as he felt the thrumming in his head die down to a mere ache, the earth started shaking again. The wind picked up along with it, propagating swells that split up into a million trains of thought to strike him all at once and one after another, the noise constant and insufferable as it reminded him that he was pathetic, that he was nothing, that he was _Isaac_ \--that he could make it all better, that he could silence the storm, that he could cheek the pill and that they could be Thane again.

After a few days of this, once Thane had managed to garner a bit more strength between the tempests, he finally managed to say, **I can do it myself** , but his head whirled when the voice just laughed.

_Then fuckin try it. See how far you get._

\---

Following Thane's first week medicated, at his insistence, his mom took him to challenge Burgh. The Gym hadn't been too terribly far from the hotel--no more than twenty minutes by foot, and relatively easy to find once they'd squeezed out of the seedy byway and onto the sprawling, semi-circular main street. He muffled his distaste at the sight of the building, a façade of glass arranged like a drunken ghost leg, but could hardly help the way his nose wrinkled as he stepped inside. True to the bug typing, the rooms were garish and octagonal, arranged to resemble a tacky hive. Burgh pushed the metaphor doggedly, filling the Gym with such a thick honey scent that it seemed to stick to his throat, and all of the walls were a clouded amber, making Thane wonder if they'd feel just as waxy to the touch as they appeared.

Much like in Nuvema, in acknowledgement of his help in Pinwheel Forest, Thane was allowed the rare luxury of challenging the Gym Leader immediately, so he shuffled to the back and tried not to think of the way the ground sucked at his feet with every step. He focused on the worker bees instead, two or three to a room, each doing their best to impede the other hopeful challengers. Trainers glanced at him as he walked by, his mother just a half-step behind and dispersing massive amounts of nervous energy that Thane also pretended not to notice.

When he finally found himself face-to-face with Burgh, he decided not to mention his nagging thoughts about the environmental implications of gathering enough honey or perfume to scent a high-ceilinged building of at least eight rooms, each large enough to easily accommodate a battle. The sticky substance on the floor couldn't be honey, he decided, for no reason other than that he couldn't accept the possibility that it was. Even if there were enough honey-gathering Pokemon in the area to supply the quantity of honey necessary to sustain this Gym, there certainly wasn't enough greenery in the city from which to produce it. He prayed for the best-case scenario--that Burgh was importing raw organic honey from local farms, preferably using Pokemon as the vehicle of transport, and at the very least an electric or bio-fueled automobile.

Asking would only lead to a lecture, though, and he reminded himself that this was rude.

Burgh was the first to speak, in any case.

"Thane, right?"

The question sounded as if it might have been rhetorical, but Thane nodded anyway.

"Your mom told me you'd be coming today. I was wondering when you'd wander in here."

Thane waited for him to continue, but the silence stretched for a second longer than was comfortable. Before a one-worded affirmative could trip out of him, his mom picked up the reins with her usual jittery tenor. "I'm sorry, your secretary said that we didn't need to schedule an appointment, but we should have at _least_ told you when we'd be coming... I'm sure you're very busy. We can wait, if you need us to. Right, honey?"

She nudged Thane for a response. He never knew when the voice would come back, so he didn't want to spend any more time in the Gym than was necessary, but answered yes on instinct.

Burgh dismissed the idea with a wave. "Don't worry about it. I can never stick to a schedule so he probably wouldn't have told me anyway. But I'm free now, assuming you don't need a warm up."

Another pause and a nudge, and Thane shook his head. "Um. No. Thank you."

"I guess you wouldn't have come if you weren't ready," Burgh said, smile broadening. His hair bounced as he walked forward, the red of a Pokeball gleaming between his fingers. "Lenora tells me you did well in your battle against her. My Pokemon have been scurrying with excitement to face you."

Thane registered this as small-talk, but wasn't sure how to respond to it as Burgh sent out his first Pokemon, then let his hand fall to rest on his hip.

Should he try to keep up the conversation, he wondered, or send out a Pokemon of his own?

Whether real or imagined, he could feel the tickling tease of the voice. _Need help already?_ it asked, and Thane hardened against it even as he felt his stomach drop at the thought.

"Th-thank you," he said as he fumbled at his waist, counting four from the left to reach Five's Pokeball. He didn't know if it was the correct response, but Burgh didn't push it as the Sawk met the battlefield, so Thane didn't worry about it, either. Five eyed the Pokemon across from him warily. It was similar to Donphan in the way it curled in on itself and rolled tire-like across the floor, but instead of leathery grey hide it sported purple and red chitin, and where there might have been ears there were instead numerous barbs that Thane thought was safe to assume venomous. A far cry from the Weedle and Kakuna he remembered back in Ilex, but he pegged it bug and poison nonetheless.

Thane took a deep breath, held it in, then let it out slowly. _In with the good_ , he thought, but Burgh was evidently even less accommodating than Lenora, and he didn't get a chance to finish the mantra before the Gym Leader called out, "Whirlipede, Poison Tail."

Donphan typically needed the help of either gravity or a running start before they could barrel from one place to another, but all the Whirlipede needed was its needle-like appendages. It used them to push off against the floor, whereupon that tiny bit of momentum piled up upon itself and built exponentially. It reached a heart-pounding pace in a matter of seconds, and anxiety met Thane like an upturned switch as it raced towards Five and angled its quills forward in preparation.

The only thought he had time to entertain was that he needed to order an attack.

"Double Kick!”

It left him in a rush, before he'd even realized the words were on his tongue, let alone that it was a bad choice. Even so, he spoke too late, and the milliseconds spanning his order and the Whirlipede's attack resulted in nothing more than Five betraying his instinct to guard in an effort to obey. The Whirlipede slammed into him unimpeded, leaving red and purple standing brilliant against his gi.

Five reached out to grab the Whirlipede on its retreat, but it sped through his fingers, so his kick was glancing at best. He attempted to follow it up with a second as the Whirlipede was blown back, but lost his balance midway and ended up falling to his knees with a wince. Judging by the amount of blood Thane had seen, the barbs hadn't gotten him too bad; Sawk were just as thick-skinned as any fighting type, and it would take a harder hit than that to do anything more than superficial damage. An abrasion, Thane could get away with, but he had to be careful as far as gashes were concerned.

Relief fell short. As the thought that it shouldn't have been nearly enough to incapacitate a Sawk attempted to soothe his nerves, it was rendered insignificant by Five's sluggishness in pushing himself to his feet. He'd only just righted himself when the Whirlipede met him with another Poison Tail, this time using its stingers to propel itself off the ground and hit him square in the chest.

Five toppled flat backwards, but managed to get up much quicker the second time, and was even able to dodge as the Whirlipede followed up with a third attack. His movements remained uncharacteristically languorous, though, and as his skin faded from azure to a fevered violet, the pieces fell into place. Poison had gotten into Five's bloodstream. Countless lectures about the dangers of Weedle and Beedrill crowded Thane's head all at once.

They faded in the wake of Thane's prickling dread, because he was positive he wasn't carrying a Pecha berry, and Burgh aided its propagation from the other side of the room.

"Keep it up," he called out to his Whirlipede, and when his eyes met Thane's, he quirked an eyebrow, smile spreading across his face like a challenge. "Just one or two more hits and you've got him."

And, just as the breath caught in Thane's throat, the waters of his mind swelled up to drown him all over again. It was hardly the first time the voice had attacked him in public, and he couldn't say he hadn't expected it, but he found himself unprepared nonetheless.

Amid the stochastic waves of the countless million thoughts that drowned him, _You're losing_ seemed to stand out the loudest.

I still have four more Pokemon, Thane insisted, less an argument and more a remembrance. In the days before they came, his mother had assured him an almost irritating amount of times that it didn't matter if he lost and that he could try again if he did, but the thought wasn't nearly as comforting as it had been at The Shinx.

He was losing. He was weak and he was losing.

The voice would know what to do in this situation.

But, logically, he should have been capable of anything the voice was. They were the same, he reminded himself. Different, of course, but they were both _Thane_ , and he took in a gasping breath that might have calmed him some had he not choked on it.

He brought a hand up to his head to still the spinning of the room as he coughed it back out of him, and despite everything managed to get out a strained, "Counter."

It might have been his order or it might have been instinct when Five took the brunt of the Whirlipede's next hit and used all the piled momentum to throw it across the room, spinning it in the air like a vial in a centrifuge. As Thane watched it soar, he wished to all that would listen that it would land on its side. If Five could get to it before it had time to right itself, all he needed was to crush it under his foot. _He could grind it into the ground, feel it sweet and sticky under his heel--_

The Whirlipede landed upright. It hardly wobbled before charging forward, and the voice laughed through Thane's visible disappointment.

_You're really fucked now._

It slammed into Five and bowled him over. Five struggled to get on his feet, but putting pressure on his poisoned leg made him wince, and he was far too slow to avoid the Whirlipede's next assault. He didn't get up a fourth time, just laid strung out on the floor like a corpse, cold and blue.

_Kinda reminds you of--_

"Stop," Thane whispered, the word so soft it could have been a prayer, but the memory was already at his fingers. He closed his eyes against the sight, but the blue, Isaac-sized bodies in his head were closer and just as vivid, piled up around him and not a single one breathing and he opened his eyes and fumbled with Five's Pokeball, but they were still _there_.

He blinked back tears and tried to think of what to do next. One was virtually useless in a bug-type Gym, and Two was weak. Three was dead and his heart skipped a beat at the thought, but he hardly hesitated before moving on to Four. He _might_ be able to do something with an electric move, but it seemed unlikely Four could succeed where Five had failed. Thane had yet to battle with Six, but she must have been competent at least, he reasoned, considering she'd been trained by...

This time, he did hesitate, but he pushed past it as he decided, **By someone else.**

So he found Six's Pokeball and released her, hands shaking, but it took her sending him a confused glance for him to realize that he needed to give her an order before she'd do anything. This thought was followed by the terrifying realization that he didn't know any of her attacks yet, and although he could remember sending Two out against a Scraggy before, it was hard to reach the memory past the voice’s laughter and his attempts not to think about the situation surrounding Six's acquisition. The more he tried to think about what had happened in the battle and whether the Scraggy he'd fought had actually been Six or not, the more the color yellow bled into his vision. The trainer had had yellow hair, golden eyes, and the most startling of smiles.

_You're so fuckin hopeless. You're going on about attacks and that shit, but you didn't even make a fuckin dent with Five, the fuck do you expect to do with this little fuck? You're so fuckin dumb it'd be hilarious if it weren't so fuckin sad._

The voice must not have been that sad, because the laughter picked up again, so loud that it swallowed Thane's attempts at organized thought, and it took all the self restraint Thane could muster to silence the impulse to burst out in his own bout of laughter. The corners of his mouth twitched upward with the urge, then plummeted down as he looked up from the ground and his eyes met Burgh's. He offered Thane another half-smile, but this one was different. The smile was pensive, without a hint of challenge, and Thane tried hard not to recognize the unmistakable pity in Burgh's expression, but he'd seen it too many times not to. Back in the hospital, Thane could always tell who had and hadn't read his file just by the way they looked at him.

_Look at him, he thinks you're a fuckin joke. All he needs is this fuckin larva piece of shit to beat you. That smug asshole knew he won the second you walked through the front fuckin door. He can fuckin smell the Isaac on you. How much you wanna bet he's gonna call up Juniper and tell her all about this? Bet they'll have a nice fuckin giggle, because she never expected shit from you, either. You were Isaac when you met her, how could she? Your journey was over before it ever fuckin began. At least the other professors had the fuckin decency to tell you no to your face._

Thane knew the voice was right, but he tried to deny it regardless, focusing on the Scraggy that was now staring pointedly at him. She must have some idea how to battle, even if he didn't know how to use her. What was a fighting-type that didn’t know how to fight?

So he pointed at the Whirlipede. "G-go. Attack it." When she hesitated, he was vaguely aware of the sensation of tears spilling from his eyes, and he added a desperate, " _Please_."

It was hard not to notice his mother edging toward him.

Six didn't look entirely confident as she turned to the Whirlipede and cried an affirmative, but she rushed forward nonetheless, dodging the Whirlipede's charge to ram it headfirst. The hit landed square on its side and left it wobbling as it skidded away, and if Thane had been breathing he might have held his breath as its balance tipped and seemed it might topple. At the last moment, it used its falling momentum to issue a sharp change of trajectory, though, rolling on the lip of its carapace and shooting forward. Six, unsuspecting and unguarded, took the attack hard and was airborne.

 _Just fuckin give up_ , the voice said, and Thane supposed it was good advice as it echoed through his head. Six landed on the ground heavily, grunting as the the impact forced air from her lungs. As Thane watched her push herself up, he wondered who he was trying to fool.

_So just fuckin **quit**._

Sweat had been plastering the back of his shirt to his skin ever since he noticed Five was poisoned, but it was only now that the chill made him shiver. The light fixtures burned bright overhead, shining frigid down into his hair in a mockery of sunlight. Looking up at them, Thane suddenly wished for the sun's gentle warmth, for the irradiated kiss it blew through the stratosphere to his cheeks. He was tired of the sticky floors and the waxy walls. Thane wanted grass under his feet. He wanted sap on his skin and twigs in his hair. He wanted trees crowded so thick that the world past them disappeared and the constant twittering and chatter of nature around him was all that he knew.

_You're fucking worthless._

Six glanced again at Thane for an order, but the sight of him staring up at the light fixtures had her hazarding a second to look him up and down. This proved unwise, as it gave the Whirlipede enough time to round back for another blow that she had no choice but to take again unguarded. Thane heard her hit the floor for a second time, along with the pain lacing her cry, but at the same time felt deafened to it. He wondered if Burgh would tell him where the bathroom was if he asked.

 _You're not even watching the fuckin battle anymore_ , the voice pointed out, and even as Thane told himself the battle no longer mattered, his gaze dropped back down to the arena just in time to see Six actually dodge for once. She was faster than Five, he noted, but so much weaker. It really was laughable. He wasn't even going to get past Burgh's first Pokemon.

_That bitch wants you to think it doesn't mean jack shit if you lose, but you and I know both know how big a load that is. Every journey's gotta end somewhere, and you're seeing the end of Isaac's. You can either stop with him and let mommy take you home, or you can admit you can't do shit without me and we can be **Thane** again._

"I'm--" Thane wasn't sure what he wanted to say, though.

_You're fuckin losing it, that's what you are._

"Losing what?" he asked.

The voice laughed. _The fuck you think, dumbass?_

But he couldn't. His head turned to where his mother was standing, and although it seemed as if he'd only took his eyes off her for an instant, all of a sudden she was at his side, face pinched and anxious. Even without thinking, Thane knew her well enough to know what she was going to say before she said it. The impulse to cover his ears against her words saw him lifting his arms, but the action felt pointless, and they fell limp to his sides before long they could reach their destinations.

"Sweetheart..." His mother spoke gently under her breath as a firm hand reached down to his wrist. "It's fine if you're not ready. We can always try again later."

_Doesn't make a shit of difference how many fuckin times you try and you know it. All these fuckin piss-sacks know it, too, including your fuckin shit-stupid Pokemon. These assholes talk on and on about fixing you, but it doesn’t matter how many times you try to pick up the fuckin pieces, because I’m the glue holding you together._

"Stop," he whispered.

The battle had ended at some point while he wasn't paying attention, and his mother had taken him in her arms. He could feel himself bent over, and her fingers cold against his scalp as she held his face against her neck. He closed his eyes tight against the Gym, because he couldn't handle being there any longer. It was all too much, especially in public, in front of a Gym Leader. The voice was right. Burgh was going to tell Juniper, he was sure of it.

 _It's only when we're together that we're Thane,_ the voice reminded him. _We're Thane. **We** are. How many times do I gotta watch you break down before you finally accept it? You’re just a broken kid without me. You need me to remind you what happened to Isaac or something?_

Thane didn't, and he begged no, please, _no_ , but begging had never gotten him anywhere.

_You remember the cages, don't you? You remember the blisters and the way the piss and shit smelled when they didn't feel like cleaning up after the ones that kicked it? Oh, I bet you still remember Proton's experiments. They were different from the ones that ripped, weren't they? He said he wanted to find out the right balance of toxins to blind a kid without killing it, remember? Ariana didn't like it much, but you all were dropping like flies, and they'd already ripped the good stuff from you anyway. A few dozen of you fucks for some brats' lives later down the line is a pretty good deal, wouldn't you say? Pity he never did find the right amount._

"Team Rocket's gone," Thane said, cheeks slick and hot, but he couldn't hear his mother agree with him even as she muttered into his ear.

_Not in Unova._

"Th-they are."

_Will you shut the fuck up? We met them already, dipshit. Hope you didn't think it was a coincidence that they just happened to pick you up of all people, because I got some bad fuckin news for you._

Thane's mouth was open for an argument that he'd gotten away, but all that left him was a sob. His mother held him tighter.

_Yeah, they let you go, but for how long? It's only a matter of time before they come back and stuff you back inside that cage again. You'll beg them not to, but we both know that Isaac can't do a fuckin thing, so you'll do what they say. You'll fuckin jump when they tell you to, and you'll stand there like a good little boy while that Johnny fucker and that piss-head take turns trying to fucking get you right this time. If you're a good boy, you can see your daddy, remember? He's waiting for you in the pile, with all those other poor fucks that couldn't take it._

"Stop," Thane moaned, feeling as if he might be sick, because suddenly he didn't smell the honey anymore and the stench of the pile filled his nose.

_Sure, things got fuckin foul in that cage, but that was nothing compared to all those bodies festering. You tried to recreate it once when you were a kid, remember? You made that mass grave in the woods, but not even that came close._

"I-I d-… I d-don't…"

_You're such a fucking mess. You probably don't even realize you're speaking out loud right now._

Thane hadn't, and he closed his mouth before anything else could leave it.

_I feel bad for you. I really do. The meds sure make it hard to think, don't they?_

It was true. He hadn't experienced anything like this while he was off his medication. Some memories had temporarily returned when he met Team Rocket and maybe a few before that, but they were mostly of the fire and they hadn't been nearly so unmanageable.

 _And you can't even do a fuckin thing but cry about it_ , the voice said as it withdrew into the background again, taking the storm with it but leaving behind the memories.

Thane shook in his mother's arms, refusing to unfurl from her shoulder even as she dragged him outside of the Gym and into a taxi. "I need to go to the bathroom," he managed in the middle of their ride, but she just shushed him, and when they got to their room she laid down in bed with him and didn't let him go until he'd already fallen asleep. She wiped away his tears and brushed the hair from his forehead to give it a kiss, then draped a blanket over him. The familiarity of the fire that night seemed almost comforting, and he could have been relieved as he watched it swallow his father.


End file.
